4 years post op-desperate and ashamed

[Shirl]

Hearing you and holding you in my heart and thoughts.

For me a recent fifteen pound gain meant that not only did I stop using my tool, I also stopped eating mindfully, stopped eating protein first, stopped taking vitamin supplements, stopped regular exercise, stopped water intake, stopped participating in this community and I started eating more high-calorie in form of fast and convenience foods. As I reflect, many circumstances have transpired, some good and some not. I can tell you both took a toll. But what I believe has been the most damaging to me was watching reactions of some non-sleevers on my weight loss, as well as hearing comments they made like “you are melting away”; “can’t recognize you”; “you look so different”; “what’s your secret”... I am still processing how all this allowed me to let my guard down. But when my own mother who was a primary commentator said to me last week, “It’s only a few pounds” after I said that my pants were fitting tights around the waist. It was the weird energy that I got from the comment that made me realize that I let my guard down to appease others threatened by my physical changes.

After being an active participant in this forum, where I drew strength from in my early journey. I had to put it in the back burner because of other demands in my life. I believe I have a tight-knit circle of friends in my life, women I can share most of my fears and dreams, but I just cannot seem to talk about my weight loss surgery with them. Most of them while physically healthy struggle with body image. I realized I need this forum, I need all of you in my life.

Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable, thank you for being here.

You did a brave and amazing thing and there is nothing to feel shame about.

Sending you immense love.

[Joyzeegrl2]

I think guilt is the fattest food of all.

[Newlife2017]

Going through the same thing at just under 2 years post op. I've decided to get back to basics and go to the nutritionist more often and most importantly be honest about why I'm gaining.

I also dug out my binder that I got from the bariatric center to help remind me on what the maintenance plan is. Best of luck and don't give up.

[avmatthew]

I am relieved to see your comment... I am 2 years out from gastric sleeve surgery and gaining my weight back too. I am so disappointed in myself. I am looking for support from others who know what I am going through. Any suggestions are welcomed.

[Dutchie]

Hi!
I am not gaining back, but one thing I do know: being disappointed in yourself and beating yourself up does not help.
Find out what went wrong and be honest about that, at least to yourself.
Then you can tackle the problem.
We are only human and mistakes are made.
It is up to us to correct them.
You can do this!

[YesICan]

Thank you so much for posting this, LLS. It is the exact reason I am back in this forum. We can go through this together with the awesome support you’ve received here from others. Thank you all so much. So LLS, I am committing to digging out my info received after being sleeved and re-reading it all. Then writing out all of those important rules for mindful eating. I know I am a huge grazer, so I will stop that right now. How about you LLS, what commitment will you make?

[LadyMI]

For "mindful eating" I am going to Journal before and each meal. I think this will help my mental relationship with food. April 7 is my checkin and review day. I am going to do better and get off 39 more pounds! We can do this without excuses.

[AuburnTigers10]

Hey!! Even though this was back in July I am now just getting back on to the website. I too have found myself in a bit of a weight gain in the last year and 1/2. Had my surgery dec 2012, lost 130, and did amazing, was 5 lbs away from my goal in 2015. in 2017 had some stressful situations arise and i have found myself, 6 years post op, with a 50 lb weight gain. I have tried numerous things. i still do myfitness pal. And I pay for WW but just have not been consistent. I read Denzel amazing post. Took a lot of notes. How does WW work for ya'll? After my 130 weight loss i promised myself that I never wanna go back to my previous habits. But to be honest, I do not eat horrible. I still can only eat a small portion of my meals. Im still consistent on my 30 mins before and after. the last 2 weeks i have gone back to the basics. Not so much as a "pouch reset", but more starting over from the very beginning of when I had my surgery. Started liquids last week and again this week. Lost 5 lbs last week. Just needing a lot of encouragement. And see i even came back to this forum. Hope everyone is having a very nice holiday season so far. Thanks again.
LOVES