What do I tell my family

[BarbyK]

I have noticed that almost everyone says to not tell anyone about their surgery because of all the negativity, and I really don't want anyone to know about mine. I have two sons and my elderly parents. My problem is, since I'll have to stay in the hospital overnight after the surgery, what do I tell my mother? I call her every evening and I worry that I'll be too groggy or in some pain to talk to her without having to tell her if she suspects something is not quite right. One plan is to tell people I had hernia surgery, which I will since I have a hernia that will be repaired. Any ideas? I don't want to lie. My husband agreed with me about this.

[tracey111]

Hi BarbyK, I haven't been on this forum for awhile but my advice to you is to tell your close family and friends. I did. While there is stigma with the surgery, it's a path you are choosing for yourself to be healthy. Additionally, you have tried everything else and it hasn't worked for you. This was my last resort too and I am so glad I did it. I did not tell a lot of coworkers and other friends. When I started loosing weight, I simply said "I am eating less with portion control and started working out" which is all true. Even when people compliment me now on how great I look, I say thank you but respond with "I am so glad just to be healthier, I have changed my lifestyle". Just my two cents. Good luck with everything.

[Christie13]

I told my husband, children, sister, and father (my mother is deceased). I did not tell my in laws or extended family. I only told 4 close friends that I knew would be supportive. Ultimately it is your decision who you tell. You have to decide who you feel will be supportive.

[KiwiGal]

You tell them whatever you feel comfortable with them knowing.
I didn't tell any of my family (apart from my partner of course) and only my 4 best friends who I know would be supportive.
This is your business and yours alone. I have told others as more time has passed and I am more comfortable - but there are some people that I will never tell!

[Adiposity]

I work in a small medical office so that group will be looped in since they'll all see most of my info anyway. My husband, sister and one friend know, holding off ( ok, stalling...) on telling my mom in fear of push back. Kids will be last ( teens) while I don't want to be ashamed of it, I don't want to broadcast it either. Nervous all around.

[Juanita62]

I totally went the other way on this issue. I told everyone! My surgeon advised me against it, but I don't really care who knows. Luckily I haven't had any negative remarks. Everyone has been extremely supportive. I look at it as this is my life and if they have a problem with it, then it's their problem, not mine. I understand not telling people and hope that anyone you tell will care enough about you to be there for you! Good luck xoxo

[Viv28]

This is difficult. I only told family that I knew needed to know. My children, and 3 siblings and 3 close friends. I did not share with anyone else. My parents are deceased so I did not have that issue but I was very close with my Mom and I would have had to tell her the truth. She would have been worried and talked me out of it but I would have told her anyway. I held off until AFTER the surgery to tell one family member because she would have been very worried.

[Dutchie]

I told everyone.
I don't care about people being not supportive, I don't need them.
At least I will know who my friends are.

[tonewbeginnings]

I think it's such an individual decision and certainly what's right for someone doesn't work for someone else. I'm a private person and only wanted to share it with a few family members. The only advice I can give is that once you tell someone you can not take it back. I know that sounds obvious but it's good to be thoughtful about how you want to proceed and you can always tell people later on if you choose to.
Good Luck w/ your surgery.

[Stacey03]

I told everyone too and nothing but support but you must do what is right for you. The hernia op is a good one and not an untruth. Very best of luck to you :-)

[jerzeygirl]

I shouted it from the rooftops and still do!!! You will probably find time to call your mom and talk to her without being too groggy if you're not comfortable with letting her know about the surgery. It is a personal decision, but I find even people who didn't tell others at first, begin to share more and more after living the bariatric lifestyle after a while as they just can't contain their joy at their success and want to help others who may also benefit. Paying it forward is a powerful tool for individual success!

Good luck!

[IamDetermined]

I've only told a few people that I'm having the surgery. I've told my sister in law (who is also my best friend and is totally against it- she's afraid for me) I don't want to tell my mom & sons, (they wouldn't understand) but how will I justify the sudden weight loss and extremely small amounts of food I will be consuming? I'll cross that bridge when the time comes and they start asking questions, I guess. I really don't want to deal with the "easy way out" deal. It's far from easy. Do what you feel is the right thing for you. Best wishes!

[BarbyK]

Thank you all so much for the advice, I appreciate it so much. I don't really mind telling my sons, I think they will be supportive because they have seen my struggles with weight all of their lives. The reason I don't want to tell my parents is, I told them about a cousin who had lost 200 lbs through the sleeve. You should have seen the look of disgust and their head shaking. I just don't want them to judge me. As it is, they are almost freaking out because one of my sons is whitening his teeth!! Oh, well, I'll see. I have a month before I tell them or not. Thanks again!