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  1. #16
    Gastric Sleeve Member jessiejess's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: Curious about how relationships change after VSG. How did you handle it?

    Okay. So this is a hot spot for me. I can always get on a soap box about this question as it comes up so frequently. I chose not to tell anyone at work with the exception of one person who I trusted completely. She told no one. I also told my parents and, of course, my spouse. My spouse was 100% supportive while I was losing. My parents were supportive but worried about the surgery and permanent change I was making to my body. They worried about long term affects. They worried about me and when I got to my lowest weight of 130. They told me I looked bad and older because I'd lost too much weight. They were supportive as much as they could be. I think they just couldn't get used to seeing me eat so little and lose weight so quickly, and then couldn't get used to seeing me thin. They mistook it for unhealthy. It didn't change my relationships around food though. I just told people I was on a strict diet, worked out every day, and they dismissed it as success for those reasons. There were a couple of catty bitches at work that were trying really hard to "out" me but they never could get my work bff to tell. They tried and tried to manipulate her into telling even by telling her that I had told them so it was okay for her to talk about it. She knew better.
    I chose not to tell people outside of my immediate family and 1 friend for two reasons: 1. I had heard so many people talk about how all people who have weight loss surgery do is gain all the weight back and it's the easy way out, blah blah, blah (you've all heard it before), and 2. I didn't want to be watched like a bug in a jar every time I ate or if I gained any weight back.
    Once I lost the weight I told a few new friends I'd made here and there. They had never known the fat me. I felt like a different person, a successful confident person so I didn't mind sharing as much if I felt the person was not judgmental. I didn't feel so self conscious about after having lost 118lbs that I kept off for 2 years. I looked and felt fabulous, soaked up all the new found attention, and didn't mind sharing with other women I saw struggling with their weight and health. At this point, I had several people choose to have WLS because they were inspired by me. There are no words to describe that feeling. Just knowing someone made a change to their life that will improve their quality of life forever is so moving. And being told you're an inspiration to that level? It's just amazing.
    That said, I did lose a couple of friends along the way because they became very jealous of the new me. They didn't like all the attention I got when I was around them because they were used to getting all the attention (or they thought they were - lol). Sometimes people don't respond well to new found confidence. Those relationships obviously weren't a huge loss since they became unsupportive, derogatory, and toxic. It's almost as if they were hoping I'd fail.
    Now that I've gained 60lbs of the weight back, I wish I hadn't told anyone. I feel like now I'm another statistic for people who gain it all back. I don't go out anymore or see any of my friends anymore because I don't want to be seen or have them think "I told you so". I don't want them to see me overweight because they never knew me like that. I'm not the same person in that I don't have that same spark of confidence they knew. I don't want everyone to see that I failed. BUT - I am back on track to lose what I've gained and hopefully I'll regain the confidence I had too.
    So, you may have some relationships that change with your existing friends, but if they do then they weren't worth keeping in the first place. Just try to do non-food related things or make up excuses like "I just ate an hour ago so I'll just order an appetizer". The thing people think is the strangest is that I do not drink with food, before or after. They don't really notice how much I eat. Waiters do though and they'll ask me if I'm okay with the service or unhappy with my meal. I don't really like that. But to my friends, the noticeable thing was me not drinking. I just attributed it to rinsing food through your stomach faster and that my new eating plan discouraged it. And that was that.
    Now I'll step off my soap box.

    Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

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