Would love hear some insight from other people's experience.

[tonewbeginnings]

I have chosen not to share this surgery w/ anyone other than my immediate family and a close friend that lives far away. I feel comfortable at support groups since they are not nearby and there is no one I know but I am a very private person and live in a small, gossipy community. Although it's always easier to be truthful I just feel like it's nobody else's business. I had a lap band 10 years ago and said nothing and was happy that I didn't share it b/c I didn't lose much weight and had problems with it and had to have it removed a few years back and for a long time I felt like I had failed weight loss surgery. It would have been horrible for me if I had told people. I had lost a considerable amount of weight a few years ago on a medical diet program of just protein shakes so friends around me have seen me lose weight before so I had just planned on saying I was doing that again. For the time being when declining a dinner invitation I have said I am on a very strict diet and can't go right now but in the future how can I go out with friends and only eat a couple of tablespoons without that seeming bizarre to others? Who knows maybe in the future I might feel comfortable sharing my journey with some of my friends but I am feeling too vulnerable and emotional now to do so.

I would love to hear other people's experience with this especially if you chose not to share it with everyone and how you dealt with it. Or even if you did share it and what were your ups and downs of that decision?
Any input would be helpful to get some perspective. Thanks.

[Ann2]

That’s exactly how I handled it. I had surgery nearly 4 years ago after a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. I’ve lost 100 pounds and maintained it.

Everybody thinks I finally got my shit together ... which I did with the help of a good therapist.

You can read my story at the links posted in my signature block below.

You do not owe anyone an explanation. But you do owe yourself the opportunity to fight this battle in the way that makes you feel strongest. Don’t give up your right to keep your own counsel.

P.S. Your future eating capacity after the first 6 months or so will allow you to eat much more than a few tablespoons. Your capacity will increase. Keep reading. Being sleeved is not like having a bad lapband.

[sraebaer]

I think you're smart not to tell people. I told a few, they blabbed, and I was the topic of conversation. Didn't like it! People would always tell me about someone they know who had surgery and gained back all their weight. I didn't need to hear that at the beginning. Now after almost 5 years I don't care if anyone knows, because I'm doing just fine. I don't think many people even remember the fat me.

You won't always be eating a "couple of tablespoons" of food. I'd say after 2 or 3 months you'll be dining with others and no one will think anything about what you are eating. Often at a restaurant I'll say "I'm not that hungry" and typically order an appetizer or "small plate." Or sometimes it's a small salad with salmon or chicken on top. Or if you're out for pizza, no one will notice you eating just one slice. The only time I got odd comments from servers is when I would order an entire entree and ask to get most of it boxed up. Then I'd hear, "What's wrong? You didn't like it?" So I just stopped ordering regular meals!

Hubby doesn't like to share, but he's a huge biker training for two rides this summer, one where they ride for a week across Iowa and another one in Wisconsin where they go almost 200 miles in a day. So he needs the food, I don't. I love dining out with my 91 year old tiny mother, then we always split something and it works out perfectly.

[elllie]

HI! I was sleeved almost 5 weeks ago. I have only told a a few close friends who I know wont blab and that it. In fact the people I have told are not within in my social group, but friends that I have . They are the only people I have told and 2 friends from abroad who I knew would understand. I have had to tell a few porkies as I was asked out a week after surgery and couldn't out it off, so I said I had just had a tooth abscess and couldn't eat, but luckily she had made chicken soup which I had. It has been difficult trying to find excuses. The other night I had to take a small piece of a scone out it in my mouth and then made an excuse to go to the bathroom and I spat it out. It is so difficult. I don't intend telling about it as a friend made a nasty comment about another friend who had a bypass. I will probably tell my sister when I go to the States in Oct to see her, but I wont tell her until she sees me. That will be the only other person I will tell. It is no ones business and you don't need all the negativity that comes with it. Good luck on your journey.

[mellowjoy]

Hi, I elected to tell co-workers and other family members at the time I had the surgery. I didn't experience any direct comments and if they talked behind my back, well that's on them if they felt the need to criticize my desire to get healthy. I have new friends who don't have a clue. When we eat out I eat either 1/3 or 1/2 of my food and take the rest home. I simply explain that I have to restrict my calories and if I eat the full entree I'll exceed my daily allotment, which is the truth. They all believe I'm well diciplined and I let them think that. Now if they asked me directly if I had had WLS I would tell the truth because I don't want to outright lie to them.

My advice, is do your own thing and do what you are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong.

[Bleeve]

Hi!! I am 2 1/2 weeks out from surgery. For me, it was a personal decision and I also feel very private about it. I did tell my family and one close friend. So if it gets out I’ll know who told -my good friend. Lol. My HR department at work knows but I didn’t even tell my boss what my surgery was about. And by law, HR isn’t supposed to tell either, but I don’t really trust my HR department not to tell with the wink and a nod. I think it’s your decision and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Everyone has a right to privacy. Haven’t we all heard that everyone has an opinion about how to lose weight? And how to be healthy? I talked to my doctor at length about not having a problem losing weight I have a problem keeping it off. Lol. So yeah, it’s none of my business what others think of me- I’m better off keeping it private. Good luck with your journey and welcome to the forum.

[sraebaer]

HI! I was sleeved almost 5 weeks ago. I have only told a a few close friends who I know wont blab and that it. In fact the people I have told are not within in my social group, but friends that I have . They are the only people I have told and 2 friends from abroad who I knew would understand. I have had to tell a few porkies as I was asked out a week after surgery and couldn't out it off, so I said I had just had a tooth abscess and couldn't eat, but luckily she had made chicken soup which I had. It has been difficult trying to find excuses. The other night I had to take a small piece of a scone out it in my mouth and then made an excuse to go to the bathroom and I spat it out. It is so difficult. I don't intend telling about it as a friend made a nasty comment about another friend who had a bypass. I will probably tell my sister when I go to the States in Oct to see her, but I wont tell her until she sees me. That will be the only other person I will tell. It is no ones business and you don't need all the negativity that comes with it. Good luck on your journey.

That's funny, because the people I told were my two closest friends who I knew wouldn't blab. They did. But that was years ago, so I don't care anymore.

[tonewbeginnings]

Thank you everybody, you've made me feel much better about my decision to maintain privacy and I appreciate the advice for restaurant eating later on. Having this online support group is really a wonderful.

[Kazzy175]

Hi, like you - I didn't tell anyone other than my hubbie and my parents as I didn't want to be the topic of conversation and I didn't want to be judged.

I started dieting hard after Xmas (My surgery was in Feb) so had already set the wheels in motion so to speak - and that has been my excuse for social events. 3 months on and no one bats an eyelid when I go out and order a starter for my main course.... !

Best of luck with it all x

[Stacey03]

I think it is entirely up to you and good advice above :-) Good luck with your surgery :-)

[Bothsidesnow2017]

Hi tonewbeginnings I have to say at first I only told a few people but as time went on and I was on the path I found it was easier to be open.and honest. So I could go out with friends, order my salmon and veg, ask the waiter to bring me a to go box so I can portion my food etc. At first it was weird but after awhile it became old news . I would just give the schpleel, then say I don't want to talk about it any more. Oh I'm sure some of the beyatches in my hood had lots to gossip about but they are now eating crow bc I am in fantastic shape ��

This is your journey however you want to map it so do what works for YOU���� All the best and keep on keepin on!

[Sealover]

Hi, There is such a stigma attached to weight loss surgery in general and everyone having it done has their own comfort zone in who they share it with. Since I work in healthcare/at a doctors office, and the doctors deal with obesity related issues all the time, I felt very comfortable sharing with my boss and co-workers and have had great support all along the way. I told my family members as well because I am with them through all of the different family and food gatherings. Plus this is a major life change for me and they are my biggest supporters! I did not however, share anything on social media. There would be judgment and it's just too personal to share with acquaintances in my opinion. They will see soon enough when my family posts pictures of me and I'm sure I will get the comments... As far as going out to eat, I've only been with my husband 3 times so far. I want to look into that card you get from your doctor that allows you to order from the kids menu. It's so awesome that we get to share here, I never feel judged and can help others while going through my own stuff. Good luck with your journey, it's going to be awesome

[Alynn]

I told very few people, just a few close friend, family and my staff. But know when folks say to me you lost alot of weight are you sick or dod oyu loose on purpose. I tell them on purpose and if asked how I tell them. Then the statement come I know you feel better, and I tell them I feel the same as I felt before, just in a smaller package. :-)

[Christie13]

I only told immediate family and 4 close friends. During the phase when I could only eat a few tablespoons I would tell people I didn't feel well, I had a big meal earlier, I am going to have a big dinner later....you get used to making up things. Eventually you can eat around people and it doesn't look to bad. I can eat a decent amount now and am 18 months post op. It is a non issue. I still don't share with others. My business. And I agree. People can be so judgmental.

[KiwiGal]

Hi.
This forum is great. There are so many wonderful people who are willing to share their experiences and stories.

I only told my partner (obviously) and my 4 besties. I have heard some rather judgmental comments from people I know about WLS which really surprised me which is why I decided to not make it public. I didn't need to subject myself to that. Obviously as my weight has diminished people have commented. I just thank them for noticing and if they push it I say that I'm eating less and exercising more - which is true.
Eating out hasn't been too much of an issue. My partner is often keen to share or to finish my meal if I can't. I usually order a small meal or entrée which seems to work out ok. If I'm with my besties who know they usually suggest somewhere that has Tapas or shared platters which is perfect. I avoided eating out at the beginning but we go out frequently now and I usually manage just fine.