Yesterday I was driving around after work running errands and heading to my first support group. I am five weeks post surgery and just started 'normal foods'. My little stomach suddenly starting growling and my head told me I needed to eat RIGHT F'ING NOW. It was that demanding, gaping hunger I used to feel pre-surgery. It scared me to feel so out of control.
As if on autopilot, I rolled into a fast food joint and read over all my old favorites. The old me would have gotten a jumbo burger, huge burrito, a large curly fries, and a diet soda to watch my figure . I got a jumbo burger with cheese, knowing this might lead me to a world of pain. I tried to practice chewing thoroughly while driving (not the best road safety, I know) but the whole thing was gone within 5 minutes. I got that gross gurgling feeling and felt completely full for at least two hours, including when I was talking with the one other fellow who had shown up for the group. It turns out the website for the group had the wrong date.
I'm worried that what seemed to be an old, destructive, and dead habit is already trying to come back after just over a month. I'm surprised the burger physically fit in there, although I've known since my soft foods stage that I can accommodate 1 - 1.5 cups of food without discomfort.
Is my stomach 'too big''? Is it all in my head? Was it my body's revenge for eating just a spoonful of peanut butter, a protein shake, and a banana during a long day of work?
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