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  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member mandyjdc's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Amanda
    Surgery date
    10/18/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Christopher Eagan
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Last Activity
    06-05-2018 01:15 PM
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    St. Louis, MO
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    Default Need some advice...

    Iím 5 months post surgery, and Iíve thrown myself out into the dating scene. Iíve gone out on a few dates with two different men over the past few months (at separate times).Because I saw both men a few times, going out/dates included going out to dinner at some point. Itís very obvious that I donít eat much. I can only eat about 2-3 bites of meat, comfortably.Iím especially cautious on dates because I donít want to accidentally overeat and be in pain/have gas. Both men had asked if I didnít like the food, was I not hungry, etc.
    With each of these men, I thought they were someone Iíd like to continue seeing so I figured I should honest and tell them Iíd had surgery.

    I never made a big deal about it, just stated I had surgery so I canít eat too much and I just leave it at that.

    Well, I think itís no coincidence that after revealing that fact, never heard from either of these guys again even though we had a great time.

    I have a date Thursday with another man. I tried to steer the date away from food and suggested we go to a local park to walk around but thereís a restaurant he really wants to go to that I earlier had expressed interest in. So he insists on taking me to dinner. Should I just dance around the fact I donít eat much , ie - had a big lunch so Iím not too hungry, or just say that I try not to eat much, make excuses for why Iím not eating much for awhile and leave mention of surgery until much later?

    I just didnít think this was a big deal, but apparently it is



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  3. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member KiwiGal's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Lisa
    Surgery date
    09/04/2017
    Surgeon
    Stephanie Ulmer
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Last Activity
    Today 03:26 PM
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    Auckland New Zealand
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Hi Amanda
    Good on you for getting into the dating scene.
    Part of me wants to say don't tell them - it's none of their business, shouldn't affect how they view you etc etc....but then if you think that they are someone that you might like to see again then perhaps the best option is to be up front about it. If you don't hear from them again at least then you will know where you stand with them.....and that they are most certainly not the best person for you to be with. There will be a special person that comes along and loves you as you are.....and they will be very lucky to have you in their lives!



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  5. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    11/03/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Wright
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Last Activity
    07-14-2018 06:41 PM
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    Blog Entries
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Ok...here is my 2 cents....anyone WORTH your time will not care about the surgery. I know that it is difficult to say that because you feel so vulnerable. But if you still want to wait to tell him...just tell him that you are not that hungry and your stomach has been a little "iffy". Order something small and take home the leftovers. Good luck with your decision.



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  7. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member Stacey03's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Edie
    Surgery date
    11/07/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr Phil lockie
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    Today 04:50 AM
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    Australia
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    To be fair there is no obligation whatsoever to tell a first date anything! Or even a 12th date! Once you meet someone nice you will know when to tell them but initially you really don't have to at all. I think avoiding eating out is helpful for you but if you are put in the situation a simple 'ahhh I don't eat much but its delicious' will suffice. Only a weirdo would press you on that!
    You are a beautiful girl and getting onto the dating scene is hard! One of my friends spent a whole year going out on dates... she had very specific standards... and she stuck with them and is now delightfully happy with a baby. But she was like gawd that was relentless! You will meet someone nice. Give it time, just like the sleeve. Patience grasshopper :-)


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  9. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member FattyGirl's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    01/08/2018
    Surgeon
    Mario Almanza
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    06-24-2018 11:52 PM
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    Houston, Texas
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Ha Ha, the same thing happened to me. Went on a dat, we were vibing each other, kissed and everything. I felt comfortable with him, so I told him. Next few days, I didn't hear from him. Finally got the nerve to text him stating what I felt. He said that he knew that after I lost the weight he would not be attracted to me. I thanked him for being honest with me and have moved on. I agree with Christie13. He's not worth my time anyway. I'm glad I found out early. We had an instant connection and he gave all of that up because he won't be attracted to me later. Fuck him! If he's all about vanity, I don't need him.



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  12. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    02/02/2015
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
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    Yesterday 04:54 PM
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    Texas
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Here's my two cents. If a person (male or female) runs when they hear about someone having weight loss surgery, let them go, show them the door, call them a cab. If they can't deal with you making a decision to get healthy they would never be able to deal with a real life issue. I went out with a guy who wanted me to 'gain' weight and continually took me to fattening restaurants, complained because I was exercising, etc. I cut him lose and told him making bad choices about my healthy wasn't an option and wished him good luck in finding someone who didn't care about being healthy.



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  14. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
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    6,263
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    The heart loves what the heart loves. You can't change that.

    No need to cuss them if you're not their cup of tea. Be grateful you didn't spend more time on someone who won't love you.

    Move on. Go on the next date. Be yourself. Act like you feel. Reveal what you feel like revealing -- and don't reveal what you don't want to reveal.

    The real you will attract someone who loves the real you.



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post

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  16. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieG's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Annie
    Surgery date
    10/05/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Ryan Heider
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    Today 09:07 AM
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    NC
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ann2 View Post
    The heart loves what the heart loves. You can't change that.

    No need to cuss them if you're not their cup of tea. Be grateful you didn't spend more time on someone who won't love you.

    Move on. Go on the next date. Be yourself. Act like you feel. Reveal what you feel like revealing -- and don't reveal what you don't want to reveal.

    The real you will attract someone who loves the real you.
    I've been married 16 years to a wonderful person -- and on the first rather casual date, I felt it fair to mention that I had a genetic history of cancer, and already been treated for one kind. It was no big deal for him. However, we were 49 and 54.

    As to the sleeve, I just say what Ann2 said. Say what you feel like saying; I'm not sure sharing any surgery is anyone's business at all, until you get to the "see your scar" stage, lol. But my stomach IS "iffy" and I usually order an appetizer, or say I'm just trying to eat less. Or chalk it up to "nerves" on a first date.

    Or tell them. People who "get" what you've been through will be there. And always question, Mr Right Now or Mr. Right.

    HW: 240 Consult: 205 lbs SW: 199 lbs

    5.5 MO = 130 lbs (-69 lbs) GOAL!!!!
    6 MO = 128 lbs (-71 lbs)
    7.5 M = 124 lbs (-75 lbs)
    9.0 MO = 121 lbs (84 lbs)
    10 MO =
    11 MO =
    1 YR =


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  18. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member julieaponte's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Julie
    Surgery date
    12/06/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Yamamura
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Last Activity
    03-14-2018 06:14 PM
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    Kailua Kona, Hawaii
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I would be honest. If the guy has a problem with it then he's not "The" guy and doesn't deserve you. Know your worth. If that's why the other guys walked away then they are asshats and it's their loss. The right one will come and accept you completely, sleeve and all. Best of luck!!!



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  20. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member DHB's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Dale
    Surgery date
    11/14/2017
    Surgeon
    Kathrine Lamond
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Last Activity
    Today 10:55 AM
    Location
    Chevy Chase, MD
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    I'm a little surprised by how judgey even my close friends have been about this surgery. (I haven't told many.) I just think if you haven't had it you don't get it and it may just be TMI for a first date. I think you can dodge the subject without lying for a date or two. I haven't dated for a long time but it doesn't seem to me that someone's medical history is expected quite that early on. But I also agree that you are beautiful inside & out and some guy is not going to care about any of that once he gets to know you.


    Beginning weight: 265
    Weight at surgery: 255
    M1: 240 (-15)
    M2: 232(-8)
    M3: 227 (-5)
    M4: 221 (-6)
    M5: 215 (-6)
    M6: 210 (-5)

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  22. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member mandyjdc's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Amanda
    Surgery date
    10/18/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Christopher Eagan
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Last Activity
    06-05-2018 01:15 PM
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Posts
    278
    Said "Thanks" 62 Times
    Was Thanked 154 Times in 120 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 0 Times

    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Thanks for the advice, everybody!!



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  24. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member Numbers's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    12/22/2014
    Surgeon
    Houston
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Last Activity
    03-14-2018 04:58 PM
    Location
    Western Kentucky, United States
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    399
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    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 17 Times

    Default Re: Need some advice...

    From a guys perspective, or at least mine, what's the big deal about you having the surgery? If we were on a date and you ate very little I would ask, not being nosy but if the food sucked I would want to know. That seems like a reasonable question to me.
    Maybe the surgery had nothing to do with seeing them again?
    Really, I just can not see that being a significant issue. Your 5 months post op, not brand new by any chance, but still got a long way to go before you can eat much at all.
    My fiance' and I eat out a lot (to much really) we normally split a meal, I can eat about 1/2 of an "average" resturant meal, I suspect you will be able to soon enough, then it won't be as noticeable.



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  26. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    6,263
    Said "Thanks" 5,143 Times
    Was Thanked 4,527 Times in 2,464 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 3,514 Times
    Blog Entries
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    Default Re: Need some advice...

    Hey, Numbers!

    Fiance? Congratulations to you both. Love is so grand. Very happy for you.



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post

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