Fat shame about our bodies?

[BobBigBoy]

I am married to a sexy woman with a great body (130lbs), Yet...... refuse to let her see me naked.
I do have sex IN THE DARK with her regularly & have a wonderful life together & she says she don't understand my mind set on this.
I tell her its a fat guy thing.
But I'm assuming I'm not alone on this, am I?

This morning I was about to take a shower & stepped out naked into the kitchen where we keep the scale & she walked by & I freaked!
& dove behind the nearest wall...

You would think being she's my wife I would not be weird like this.
But is it really just me?

[mommabear9603]

I don't post often on here, but your question really struck a cord with me. Please know that I am very blunt, so I hope that I don't offend you. I don't know your wife, so I'm going to make several assumptions here. But, if it were me, and my husband wouldn't let me see him naked, it would hurt me. Yes, I understand that you are dealing with your own issues, but by not allowing her to see you naked, you are in essence saying that you don't trust her. You don't trust her to be your most vulnerable and for her not to hurt you.
I am overweight, by a large amount. And no, I don't feel good about my body. But my husband is the one person that I have to open up to completely.
I know that this isn't easy. And having weight loss surgery is NOT going to make this any easier. At this point you will always find something wrong with your body. So, you really have to work on this...NOW!
I'm not saying go running into the room buck naked and say "look at me, look at me." But start by having a conversation with your wife about this. Then take baby steps at getting naked. It may take a while, but this is important for your general mental well-being and for your marriage.

[swimhard4]

She knows who she married! I am sure she loves you thick or thin. I was very small and attractive when my husband and I married. Now I am a chub and he still loves me! I dont like for him to see me naked but he does so o.k. I cant wait to get that body back for him but he tells me he loves me anyway he can get me! Trust me I have a very good looking husband and many ladies even with me sitting there make googo eyes and remarks to him ! God gave me a wounderful husband and it sounds as if he gave you a wounderful wife!! Get naked and go for it!!!!!!!

[BobBigBoy]

Its not like she has not seen me naked, Trust me she has & she always tells me I'm being silly.
& yes I know she truely loves me & says she's fine with it.

Its just that I don't like what I look like when I see pictures of myself.
Trust me I am confident & flirt & all that & get a positive feed back for the most part.
I do consider myself attractive, just too darn fat.
& I know when I lose 100 lbs I'll be a stud again.

I am gonna have my wife take pictures of me in my underwear to have before & after pictures to look at.

A friend of mine says he still wont take pictures of himself topless.
& he looks great.
& I do go topless when I go to the beach & swim etc..
So I'm not that bad.....

[swimhard4]

Great! No worries then

[Beautiful Momma]

I hear ya! I used to be very slim and fit and had no problem being naked and my husband seeing me. Since I have gotten much bigger and fatter, I would not let hiim see me naked if I could help it. It was nothing to do with him, but all me. I have since lost 35 lbs and still have 45 more to go but am already more comfortable with him seeing me naked. I think it's because I know how I look now is temporary. Our outward appearance has a lot to do with our self esteem unfortunately! But talking to your wife will likely be a good thing.

[BobBigBoy]

We talk all the time & our best friends...
So I'm not sure what you mean?
We hang out together all day on most days...

[mommabear9603]

I guess I'm totally confused by your post Bob. You say that you have all of these issues with your wife seeing you naked, but then when anyone says anything about it you backtrack.
I understand having issues with our own bodies. I am losing weight, and I still have major issues with my body. BUT my husband still is insane enough to think that I'm sexy. (Of course he also said I was sexy at my heaviest.) So, while I'm not comfortable with my body, I do get naked and let him see me naked FOR HIM. It's what he wants. And his attitude has actually helped my overcome many of my issues about my body.

[Hollywood_B1983]

Bobbigboy, I completely understand where you are coming from! My gf who I have been together with for 7 years as of Dec. 16th is Very sexy too. She is about 5ft4 and 130lbs. (Thank goodness for chubby chasers! LOL) But seriously at my heaviest, I had gained 270lbs since me and her started dating all of those years ago. (Thankfully I am down 82lbs so far since surgery) I hate seeing myself naked in the mirrorand I really don't like her seeing me naked. THough I do tend to run around the house naked quite a bit. I don't get it either. But I don't like her watching me get dressed, I'll lock the bedroom door or even make her get out sometimes when I get dressed. I think it mainly depends on how I feel at the moment. I am ashamed of what I let myself turn into, its nothing against her when I dont want her to see me naked, I believe it just goes back to me being ashamed of myself. Thankfully she understands. She loves me, and knows I'll come around, so she doesnt make a big deal of it. Sometimes she'll even bribe me with a little I'll show you mine if you show me yours....and that my friend gets me every time!

[lunarose]

I spent a lot of time in denial so it was only in pictures I'd see how big I had gotten and even then blamed the camera(G) My husband never complained but I didn't like him seeing me naked. Now after losing 50lbs since surgery 4 months ago I can definitely feel that my body is smaller my clothes and the scale confirm it but I still don't *see* it and I still feel uncomfortable about my husband seeing me, the loose skin, the tiny scars....in other words got to work on the person on the inside too.

[BobBigBoy]

Tiny Scars?
Heck wear those sexy one piece thingy's they sell at Fredricks & wear a sexy one piece bathing suit..
We can hide the simple stuff.

[MoreFitDiane]

I gave up being shy around my husband a long time ago. He has been there for me through all my weight issues. And believe me, when he looks at me, he is not focusing on the big stomach or the dimply thighs...his eyes are elsewhere! No big deal. We all have to get over ourselves; we are our own worse critics, especially when standing close to a mirror.

[gloeygirl66]

I think ALL of you are so lucky! Every single one of you described a loving spouse who loved you thick or thin. I had an 18 year marriage to a man who constantly complained about my weight and made fun of me in front of our kids. That kind of emotional abuse can bring a person down and hurt our self esteem. I finally got tired of his ugly a** and divorced him last year!! I am happy, strong and independent and loving this new journey I am on.

Bob, you have a loving wife. Get naked baby and turn those lights on...its a lot more fun!

<3 Glo

[BobBigBoy]

gloeygirl66, your post totally had me ready to get naked & jump on her but........ she was ina pissed off mood about her kids... G figure huh!?

Good thing you got out of that relationship if he felt the way he was talkig to you, why was he even with you.
I hate people like that.
seems some people feel better about themselves when they can down others & we are complete targets I suppose when it comes to our weight we can say that F U , I'm not fat..
But you u know what FAT can be very sexy too...

Not so much that I wanna remain so, but I think what is sexy is the mind!
Over anything else.

[gloeygirl66]

Bob, you are right about so many things. Sexy is in the mind! I lost 50 pounds within 2 months of my separation. Yes I was sad, but dating within 3 weeks! I was weighing over 250 and lots of men were asking me out...Unbelievable. It's all about confidence and a positive attitude. I know I looked sexier and more voluptuous than a lot of thinner women.

Also, I am very happy to be rid of him. The woman he is with now looks like a $1 hooker ($2 is too much money). I love the fact that it will KILL him when all my weight is off. He will be MAD! I just love it! Yes, I plan to flaunt my new body in his face!

I hope you are starting to feel more confident about your body. Your wife knows every inch of you already. Let her enjoy you. Now go do what you gotta do....I'm sure you can charm her out of that pissy mood.