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  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member Juanita62's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/10/2018
    Surgeon
    Stephen Archer
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Last Activity
    08-31-2020 09:46 AM
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
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    Default Worried about support

    I went to the Bariatric Support Group tonight that my surgeon requires us to attend during the pre surgery phase. My husband went with me as we had to take our support person. First off, I am proud of my husband for going, as I know he doesn't like those kind of things. He even asked a couple questions, although one of them sounded a little like an attack "It's still a battle though, right? It's just a tool". Afterwards he made some not so nice comments about the psychologist (he's not a fan of counselors) which resulted in us having a bit of a heated conversation. I'm second guessing having the surgery now as I'm not sure he'll be supportive and will make negative comments when things aren't going the way he thinks they should. He even admitted he doesn't know how to be supportive. After we talked he said I should do it if I want to but that I have to remember that it's not going to be easy. He said that I've done so many things (weight watchers, Jenny Craig, Medifast, LA Weight Loss, Atkins, the list goes on) that he has to "keep his sense of humor" about the whole thing. Making comments like "should you REALLY be eating that?" is his idea of humor I guess. So my question is, has any one else done this journey with the feeling that their significant other isn't be supportive? How did that go and how did you do it? Thanks for listening.....I still want to move forward, but one of my biggest concerns is gaining the weight back..All advice is welcome



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  4. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member keightkate's Avatar
    I have not had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    05/14/2018
    Surgeon
    Dr. David Oliak
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Last Activity
    09-18-2018 04:07 PM
    Location
    Laguna Niguel. CA
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    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Worried about support

    This is for you! NOT him. If you have tried so many other things then this sounds like a REAL opportunity for you. Sure it IS going to be hard, but what is the alternative, hard work and depression! You will need to get help with emotional eating, because i understand we won't be able to do that anymore. 70% of people have success with out gaining weight back. Don't be one of the 30%-
    Is there anyone else in your life that can be of support for you? Like mine, yours will need to see to believe and just is not capable of being what we need from them. I would seek out a psychologist that you can work with weekly, it is a huge undertaking and you will need to have help navigating from someone who is professional, objective and outside the situation.
    Best of luck.



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  6. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member Stacey03's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Edie
    Surgery date
    11/07/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr Phil lockie
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    04-27-2019 09:56 AM
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    Australia
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    It's going to be easier than any of those other programmes you have been on in terms of weight loss. Having a regular psychologist might be really useful for you in terms of having someone to bounce things off. Men are tricky suckers with change it seems, I don't really dabble with them but change is hard for lots of people. Often people lose weight and become more assertive too and that can be a challenge when one person likes the status quo! I think outside support might be a good stratagy and also your husband might come up trumps and surprise you. It's hard not to react with anger when we feel attacked, except when you have PMS and then I think anything goes ;-)
    Just in my experience, this is the easiest thing I have done to lose weight. I don't have any fears of putting it back on as I exercise heaps and like healthy food. If you do the right things then you will keep it off. Cut your hubby a bit of slack but stand up for yourself. This is for you.


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  8. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member FattyGirl's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    01/08/2018
    Surgeon
    Mario Almanza
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    10-31-2018 05:25 AM
    Location
    Houston, Texas
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    I just think that people who do not have a weight or food problem will never understand us. Do it for you girl and ignore him. And FYI, my surgery and afterwards was/is a breeze. I was worried about it being hard too, but it's been an easy breezy thing for me. The hardest part is the liquid diet phase. Good Luck!



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  10. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member Juanita62's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/10/2018
    Surgeon
    Stephen Archer
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Last Activity
    08-31-2020 09:46 AM
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
    Posts
    132
    Said "Thanks" 134 Times
    Was Thanked 92 Times in 68 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 156 Times

    Default Re: Worried about support

    I was thinking about seeing the psychologist on a regular basis. The funny thing is that he is overweight with sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He would also benefit from a surgery. I've thought that if he can see me be successful that maybe he would want to do it and get healthy! I'm going to make my appt today with the psychologist!! Thanks for the advice ��



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  13. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    Quote Originally Posted by Juanita62 View Post
    I was thinking about seeing the psychologist on a regular basis. The funny thing is that he is overweight with sleep apnea, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. He would also benefit from a surgery. I've thought that if he can see me be successful that maybe he would want to do it and get healthy! I'm going to make my appt today with the psychologist!! Thanks for the advice ��
    NOPE! That is NOT the right psychologist for you. Seriously, girl. That's what you want for a role model? And you're trying to fix him? What you need is someone to help fix YOU!

    Protip (based on a whole lotta personal experience here): Stop worrying about everyone else and take care of yourself right now. Surround yourself with the best role models you can find. And put your needs first before everyone else's. "Helping others" can be a convenient distraction that keeps you from doing something that's been hard for all of us -- helping yourself.

    P.S. I really don't mean for that to sound harsh, although I can imagine that it does. It's just that your comments above remind me so much of myself before I took myself in hand and finally got healthy.



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post

  14. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member Juanita62's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/10/2018
    Surgeon
    Stephen Archer
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Last Activity
    08-31-2020 09:46 AM
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
    Posts
    132
    Said "Thanks" 134 Times
    Was Thanked 92 Times in 68 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 156 Times

    Default Re: Worried about support

    I'm sorry.....I was describing my husband, not the psychologist. The psychologist is a bariatric mental health doctor. After I re- read my post I see that I wasn't vey clear.



  15. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    6,630
    Said "Thanks" 5,839 Times
    Was Thanked 5,052 Times in 2,720 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 3,616 Times
    Blog Entries
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    Oh!

    Never mind.



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post

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  17. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member Juanita62's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/10/2018
    Surgeon
    Stephen Archer
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Last Activity
    08-31-2020 09:46 AM
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
    Posts
    132
    Said "Thanks" 134 Times
    Was Thanked 92 Times in 68 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 156 Times

    Default Re: Worried about support

    It's all good....I appreciate your passion and how much you care. Thanks for that!!



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  19. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member Romandona's Avatar
    Surgery date
    03/15/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Caruana
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Last Activity
    03-16-2018 10:05 AM
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    Buffalo NY Area
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    Blog Entries
    4

    Default Re: Worried about support

    Do it.
    Do it for yourself. You will lose the weight and it will boost your confidence and your sleeve will limit what you can eat - trust me!! Follow all the rules and you will do great and he will have no choice but to be supportive as he will see you will be succeeding. Have a positive outlook - that means a lot.
    Good Luck.



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  21. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member DHB's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Dale
    Surgery date
    11/14/2017
    Surgeon
    Kathrine Lamond
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Last Activity
    03-18-2019 09:24 AM
    Location
    Chevy Chase, MD
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    My husband has been as supportive as he knows how to be but he still is awkward about it all at times. Like the other day he said, "I can't believe you haven't lost more considering how little you eat now. No wonder you couldn't lose on those other diets." He meant that as support but the point is that he doesn't really understand because he eats all kinds of junk and is only slightly overweight. Even with "supportive" spouses we have to do this for ourselves.

    I have a friend who changed religions. Her husband doesn't understand at all and she doesn't really try to explain it other than to say, "It's right for me." She doesn't try to gain his support, she is just confident in her choice and he seems to respect that. Maybe that's a good analogy.


    Beginning weight: 265
    Weight at surgery: 255
    M1: 240 (-15)
    M2: 232(-8)
    M3: 227 (-5)
    M4: 221 (-6)
    M5: 215 (-6)
    M6: 210 (-5)

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  23. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christie
    Surgery date
    11/03/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Wright
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Last Activity
    09-12-2019 04:13 PM
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    5,169
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    Oh Juanita. I just want to hug you and tell you that you are worth it. Even if your husband is not super supportive, you will get a lot of support on here. And yes...we have all tried a ton of diets pre sleeve with no success. If we had been successful then we wouldn't be here. You can do this with or without his support. And he is right. It is just a tool. A freaking fabulous tool that makes losing weight easier than you could ever have imagined.



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  25. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member Juanita62's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/10/2018
    Surgeon
    Stephen Archer
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Last Activity
    08-31-2020 09:46 AM
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
    Posts
    132
    Said "Thanks" 134 Times
    Was Thanked 92 Times in 68 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 156 Times

    Default Re: Worried about support

    I have decided that I want to be healthy for me and with my friends who are super supportive, the support group here in town and this forum, along with seeing the psychologist is going to be all the support I need. I think Dale is right about my husband and I will keep that perspective. That woman in my head is very mean to me so I'll need to keep her in check . I can see that you all will help me do that!! Thank you all so much!!



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  27. #14
    sraebaer
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    I won't lie, his support will be necessary, actually priceless. Hopefully he will come around when he sees you becoming healthier and smaller. There is no way you can compare the sleeve to all those diets we have all failed at. The sleeve is a miracle in my book. It works, diets did not.

    Tell him how thrilled my husband is to finally have a regular sized wife. I'm sure hubby was totally embarrassed by me for years, but never said anything. Better or worse I guess. But now the better is AMAZING!

    He took care of me after hospitalization, exercises with me, cooks for me even after over 4 years (always a protein and veggie), and even does say things like, "Quit snacking, I'm making dinner!" All our vacations revolve around physical activity; we are going skiing for the second time this winter Saturday. We do Country Walkers trips, been to Glacier, Canyonlands, Arches, and Mesa Verde National Parks recently. This summer is the Olympic Peninsula and this fall, Sicily. All hiking trips!

    To celebrate my retirement we both bought new bikes. Once the ice is gone, that's something else we love to do together. He retires in 3 months.

    The other great thing about my husband is he doesn't do junk food. Never has. So there is no crap in our home. That makes eating healthy so much easier!

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  29. #15
    sraebaer
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    Default Re: Worried about support

    Sounds like your husband may be jealous, as he has weight issues too. I know a lot of coupes who do the surgery together. At the least, by you eating healthy he will benefit. But if he continues eating crap it will be difficult for you. Good luck!

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