Fat in Texas is here! This is me, unedited and as real as it gets

[fat_in_Texas]

Howdy

I am glad I found this forum. I have had a consult and am strongly considering the sleeve. Its a hard decision for me and making me anxious. I am at a point where I need to make a decision soon so I will be reading for quite some time on everyone's thoughts in the forum.

Little bit about myself. I am 33 years old, male, 260 pounds, 5' 10. Was told at my sleeve consult I am 75 pounds overweight and frankly have been overweight my whole life. Its been a struggle for as long as I can remember and the idea of getting below 200 pounds again would be a dream come true.

My BMI according at the consult was about 38 so I definitely qualify however have no other medical issues. My blood pressure is right where it needs to be, no sleep issues or other issues normally related to obesity. This is the main cause of my hesitation because the surgery would be more cosmetic at this point, not health related yet. However I assume those conditions will come with time as I get older.

I do not have family support and my wife feels its cosmetic and that I should "lose the weight the right way". She is 95 pounds and been underweight her whole life so she lacks perspective on what is like to be overweight. For her losing weight is no problem. However, with the surgery being a major deal, its hard to just do it without her support and alone. I would be a cash patient and total cost is around $9,000, so substantial investment from our family.

I am curious if others have felt the same things and perhaps even dealt with family/spouse lack of support. I am at a point where I need to begin my pretesting stuff but those things cost money, so if I do them I have to go all the way. I am not an indecisive person at all so this indecision is killing me. Just don't know what to do.

Ryan

[Stacey03]

Hallo! I'm glad you popped in, I hope I can be helpful.
I was sleeved at a BMI of 31 with high cholesterol and slightly dodgy blood sugars. if you aint got that now it may be coming. I also have quite a cardiac history in my family but apart from that I am robust and healthy.
I used to be 120kg and changed my lifestyle around 5 years ago and lost 40kg on my own. My lifestyle is crossfit 3 times a week, running 3 times a week and healthy eating. I couldnt get below the 40 kg loss. I was concerned about future cardiac issues and so discussed having a sleeve. My surgeons opinion was that after a lifetime of fighting obesity he was willing to do it. He also commended me on the lifestyle changes I had already made for 5 years. This has certainly made having the sleeve and adjusting to it easier. I was already super fit and already eating really healthy food.
Is it okay to have a sleeve at a BMI of 38? I think it is with various considerations and i think it's different for men and women. I don't always subscribe to the belief that you have to be a really big BMI as you may already be on the way there. Obesity even at a lower BMI can be just as dangerous and only you know if you have fought this.
BUT as you are a man, one thing to consider is that men tend to lose very fast and you might want to chat with your surgeon about how much weight you will possibly lose. You might not be happy with the result if it's too much.
Family support is invaluble on this journey so some good talking might be helpful and asking for support. This surgery will change your life. Yes you do have to change your lifestyle and think about healthy eating and get in some exercise (this bit is so important).
Should you do it? That's up to you but maybe just consider how much you might lose.
I hope it all works out. If you decide against it I would say just stop eating ANYTHING with a barcode on it. This will drop a ton of weight.
Best Wishes

[DHB]

I could have written this 20 years ago. But the problem is I kept gaining and every year you add weight it takes a toll on your health. So maybe it seems "cosmetic" now but it's also an investment in your future health. Most of us on this forum tried every possible diet and simply couldn't get the weight off and keep it off. It's hard for thin people to understand. And the biggest regret most of us have is not doing this sooner.

Only suggestion I'd make is you might want to look into endoscopic sleeve surgery. It's less expensive, less invasive and is considered effective for those with about your amount of weight to lose. You might also talk to a surgical practice that can work with you and your insurance company. My BP was fine as well but when they did my stress test it didn't fall quickly enough (typical when you're overweight) and they were able to establish that as another condition so my insurance paid for everything.

Good luck and read other stories on this forum.

[KerryPG]

Hello Fellow Texan!
You will find a wealth of information and support on this site. It is good that you do not have health issues. Your mental health is just as important. I know, for me, I feel better mentally when I am confident in my appearance. I am NOT confident in my appearance at the moment. I am scheduled for surgery on February 26th. I refuse to buy new clothes in a bigger size and have 30+ pairs of black leggings. I too am self-pay so that was a consideration for me too. I see it as an investment in myself. Thankfully my husband, who has been an athlete all his life, is very supportive. Keep the conversation going with your wife. Tell her how you feel in as many different ways as you can think of. I hope she begins to understand. Best of luck to you!!

[Luv49ers19]

Hey Ryan,
Like most on here I've been overweight/obese all my life. My grandmother and mother were/are obese as were my grandfather and father. So genetics are stacked against me. I've dieted most of my life until I got hurt and just gave up 4 years ago. I maxed out at 260 on a small 5' frame. I HAD high blood pressure, sleep apnea, pre diabetes and chronic back and knee pain. I still have the chronic back pain because of arthritis but it is tolerable now. Everything else is gone. I'm happy and so much healthier.

My husband wasn't to thrilled with me losing weight because he likes bigger women. He knew I needed to do it for my health and supported me for that reason. I have a hard time talking to him about my progress and victories. The wonderful people on this site have been my saving grace! I couldn't do it without their love and support. He thinks I'm way to small now. He doesn't understand at this point my body is in control of where it wants to settle. I'm not about to sabotage my hard work to please him. I love him but I need to take care of me first right now so I will be there to take care of him. I have 2 grown girls and a 2.5 year old granddaughter. I have their full support. I will be there for for them now as well!

If you can find a support group near you or stick around here. It will help a lot.

Like Dale said I wish I would have done it sooner then maybe I wouldn't have done so much more damage to my joints. You need to do what is best for YOU. You need to be there for your family years down the road. Good luck!

[RehabNurse]

Welcome...I'm near you in Fort Worth.

Anyhow, my BMI was 37 at the time I qualified for the sleeve. Other than elevated cholesterol, I had no other health issues when I was sleeved.

However, my health would've probably taken a horrid turn without bariatric surgery. My maternal grandmother was 411 lbs when she died. My mother was morbidly obese with multiple obesity-related diseases when she died last year at age 58.

I was sleeved nearly 3 years ago and, so far, have no regrets other than not having gotten surgery sooner in life.

[Iggy]

Welcome and all the best

[Aussie Girl]

G'Day Ryan, welcome!

Partner support - I experienced something similar when I told my partner I was doing this. I was self pay and used my own money so I didn't have the complication of joint family funds.

However at first my partner was very critical of my decision, he also couldn't understand why I could not just loss weight through eating well and exercise. At first it devastated me that I didn't have his support, that he didn't understand the life long struggle with my weight. My BMI was 41 at consult date, I have severer sleep apnea, worn out/damaged knee and hips joints and osteo arthritis in my lower back.

But being an independent determined kind of girl I continued down the pre-op journey, as I knew in my heart this was what I needed to do for myself. I was determined I wouldn't be still obese when I hit menopause.

Maybe it was the guy my partner knew at his work who had it done (and could share the experience and the good results) or maybe he needed more time to understand it but I can tell you he can now see the early results and respects me for 'doing something' about my weight. Not the lovely 'total support' others report but I now that over time he will truly see this was the best thing I've ever done - and he will appreciate the smaller sexier me!

So don't give up on this for yourself, your wife will come around and then she will be happy because you will be truly happy - and be the person you want to be.

[sraebaer]

I was lucky that my spouse was amazingly supportive. I won't lie, support from your partner is really important. The problem is what we are going through a "skinny" person could never understand. Just like I don't understand how anyone could weigh 95 pounds! (My mom - she would get full after eating one pancake.)

If you have a job and the cash, I would just go for it. I think she will get on board when she sees you happy, healthy, and at a regular weight. Good luck!

[Dutchie]

Can't you take her to your appointments?
So she can hear first hand, what is going to happen and more important, why it is going to happen?
Sometimes spouses are just afraid of what is going to happen.
They don't really inderstand the inportance of not being overweight.
And how could they?
Maybe a surgeon can and will explain it better than you can.

[Ann2]

Welcome, fat-in-Texas!

Yes, WLS and recovery will be harder without your wife's full-throated support. But her attitude could very well change several months down the line as she sees your health improve, your energy improve, and your engagement with life increase.

But here's the bottom line: Nobody but YOU can change YOU. And YOU can't change anyone but YOU. So the question is, how badly do you want to change YOU. Because you can change yourself and your life if your really want to do so.

As far as the money goes, you are so worth it. Yes, it's "family money." But you're also a part of your family. If your wife or children needed $9K for an operation that had better than a 50-50 chance of greatly improving and lengthening their life, would you spend $9K on that operation? If the answer is yes, then there's your answer about whether you should spend $9K on WLS for yourself.

Much of this journey for those who are successful long-term is that we learn to value ourselves more than we used to. For the first time in our lives we learn to put our needs first. That doesn't mean we stop fulfilling our obligations and responsibilities to others. It means that we finally understand and accept that our own self-care will lead to our ability to care better for those we love.

You can read about my WLS experience thus far at the links found at the bottom of my signature block below. Spoiler alert: It's been GREAT!

[AnnieG]

Good morning! Like so many, I did have good family support. But for me, besides not weighing 240 anymore (at 5'4) it's being down from 17 medications to 4 (plus my vitamins) and having my blood sugar, cholesterol, trigylcerides, and A1C at perfect levels for the first time in every so many years.

Yes, the weight loss is great, but the energy, health, and ability to fully engage in life and activities are amazing. As a spouse, it is difficult to imagine your other half changing -- its a little scary and daunting, because what if some of the good stuff you already have changes? It may be more about some of her fears than about you.

We were self pay, and it was $13,000. I shudder at the per pound thought. But I rejoice in the number of healthy years ahead. I think having her talk to your doctor is a great idea.

And whatever you do, stay on the forum. There is so much support & kindness here that it will be healing for you however you proceed.

[Pheeel21]

Ryan,
In considering a sleeve you have to realize that you and only you can make this decision. You have to do what is right for "you". Gastric sleeve surgery is not cosmetic. That may be one of the side effects and a bonus to your well being. A sleeve surgery lowers blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar problems, sleep apnea issues. I was in your shoes at your age when I was around 40, overweight and the start of some potential problems. All I did was gain 5 pounds a year but I did it for 10 years. I started my pre-op diet at 307 and today I am 225. That is in 4 1/2 months. I am off my cholesterol meds, I will soon be off of my BP meds, and my family doctor is just thrilled with my progress. He said that although I was not even close to being pre diabetic I now have a near zero chance of becoming diabetic. My ankles and knees and back now feel great.

My question to you is this. Where will you be in 1 year or 5 years? If you are like I WAS you may gain those 5 pounds every year and then be 290. Then you might say, why didn't I do this sooner. If you want to greatly increase your chances of a better, healthier life strongly consider the sleeve. You will look and feel so much better.

[Christie13]

Ryan I am going to tell you that a skinny person has no idea just how hard losing and keeping the weight off is. So easy to judge when they don't have any experience with it. Not to knock your wife, but she does think that it is just a matter of will power and exercise. Fat people know it is not that simple. And the truth is, if you do this, do this for you. Decide that you are worth it. It would be nice to have your wife's support but not necessary as long as she is not sabotaging your efforts. Good luck with your decision.

[gbear696]

Hi Ryan,
I understand how you feel. I've been there and I've experienced the same negativity. I was sleeved on Dec 20, 2017, and I'm ecstatic with my results. I'm a low BMIer. Mt BMI was 34 when i had my surgery. I was only at 209 when I finally made up my mind to do it. I had no underlying health issues other than tired of being fat along with the aching joints from carrying around the extra weight. Even though medically I ease classified as obese, I didn't qualify for my insurance to cover it. My final cost was nearly $11G but I would do it all over again to walk the path that I'm currently walking. Do what makes you happy. We all spend money on things less important, why not spend your money on something that will change your outlook on life forever.
Shirl