Have a plan and stick to it? Maintenance

[Dutchie]

I have been called naive today.
Maybe I am, I don't know.
I've asked here about the inevitabilityof regain, and I have learned here that you don't have to regain.
That is something I am totally convinced.
I do however have a friend, who had a gbp 4 years ago and she has regained over 26 pounds, up to the point she is out of a "normal" BMI range.
We are both on the same wls forum in the Netherlands.
And where I say it is up to us, whether we regain or not, she waves the inevitability card.

Now I am one of those people, who need to plan.
Not necessarily have control, but a plan nevertheless.
I came up with the following:

My plan:
- I will keep weighing myself every day
- I will go on tracking my food in MFP
- I will keep on weighing and measuring my food
- I will take care of my exercise routine
- I will keep monitoring my self care, including finding different ways to handle stress and emotional eating
- I will keep writing on this forum, it keeps me alert and you are my support team
- I will go on taking my vitamins and go for a blood test twice a year
- If I don't reallly like a certain food, it's not going into my mouth
- I will continue to make healthy choices
- I will eat my proteins first, then my veggies and fruit and healthy carbs

Sorry Ann2, I stole a lot from you, I hope you don't mind.
I wrote this on the forum in the Netherlands.
And (of course) she told me that it was not that easy...

But isn't this what it's all about?
Make a plan and stick to it?

I am still afraid of this whole maintenance thing.
I am really afraid to mess it up.
My problem is probably: I don't have a goal anymore.
I don't need to loose weight anymore.
Like I don't know anymore what to aim for.
Do I even make sense right now?
Am I the only one?

[psparks]

"I am still afraid of this whole maintenance thing.
I am really afraid to mess it up."

I am also, though i am only 4 months out now i still am afraid of regain. I think your goals are awesome and may copy some of them myself! i think if we dont set high standards for ourselves we end up slacking in our new ways of thinking. Weight loss is 80% mental and good eating habits if we have no plan to control these it would be easy for us to just go back to our old habits.

Great plan!! stick to it

[Luv49ers19]

Agree 100% with you and you make perfect sense! I think I'm getting close to being done losing as well. I'm so scared of regain, I think we all are. Having said that I have faith that I will not because I have the same 'plan'. Maybe more of a mindset. Keeping myself accountable is paramount. Taking care of me first (something I'm working very hard on doing). You got this! We got this!

[tinman]

I have been called naive today.
Maybe I am, I don't know.
I've asked here about the inevitabilityof regain, and I have learned here that you don't have to regain.
That is something I am totally convinced.
I do however have a friend, who had a gbp 4 years ago and she has regained over 26 pounds, up to the point she is out of a "normal" BMI range.
We are both on the same wls forum in the Netherlands.
And where I say it is up to us, whether we regain or not, she waves the inevitability card.

Now I am one of those people, who need to plan.
Not necessarily have control, but a plan nevertheless.
I came up with the following:

My plan:
- I will keep weighing myself every day
- I will go on tracking my food in MFP
- I will keep on weighing and measuring my food
- I will take care of my exercise routine
- I will keep monitoring my self care, including finding different ways to handle stress and emotional eating
- I will keep writing on this forum, it keeps me alert and you are my support team
- I will go on taking my vitamins and go for a blood test twice a year
- If I don't reallly like a certain food, it's not going into my mouth
- I will continue to make healthy choices
- I will eat my proteins first, then my veggies and fruit and healthy carbs

Sorry Ann2, I stole a lot from you, I hope you don't mind.
I wrote this on the forum in the Netherlands.
And (of course) she told me that it was not that easy...

But isn't this what it's all about?
Make a plan and stick to it?

I am still afraid of this whole maintenance thing.
I am really afraid to mess it up.
My problem is probably: I don't have a goal anymore.
I don't need to loose weight anymore.
Like I don't know anymore what to aim for.
Do I even make sense right now?
Am I the only one?

Ok...this is where I just have to jump in. You need a plan, that’s for sure. But, this is where we disagree. Folks gain because they don’t pay attention to the results of their plan. Here’s what I always say.

Make a plan. Work your plan. OWN YOUR RESULTS. Change as necessary.

If you stick to one plan and stick to it obsessively, you will regain I’m sure Ann and the other vets on here will agree. Gaining on maintenance is really nothing more than a stall. Your body no longer is willing to maintain your weight on what you are giving it. You must always be prepared to change it up when needed. I can assure you that what works for you now isn’t going to work for you two or three years from now. Believe me. I have a big ass dose of been there and done that.

Continue to change things up and own the results. I’ve got it down to such a science that I change my food plan with the seasons because it seems my body changes with the seasons. Might be all in my head, but, it works for me.

Only advice I can give you is to be super flexible in you approach when you get to maintenance. After almost six years, I’m still changing it up.

[Ann2]

"It's not that easy."

Hmmmm.

Uh, if you do what I do it is "easy" not to regain.

But what's IS hard is COMMITTING NOT TO REGAIN and ACTUALLY DOING CONSISTENTLY those things that are on your list. (Other WLS patients I know who are maintaining well years post-op have different lists of different things they do that work for them.)

But most of all, DutchSleeve, you are NOT naive! That's just crap your friend likely threw at you because she's feeling defensive about having regained and protecting her ego by criticizing your optimism.

BTW, if she's criticizing me, I'll see her out back!

Seriously, it might be useful to ask her: "WHAT do YOU find 'not easy' about maintaining?" If she answers honestly, you'll find out what her stumbling blocks are. And you'll find out which old behaviors she's engaging in that you might find interesting and even helpful to you.

If you've been morbidly obese before, practicing self-care is not easy. Yes, life is hard. But some people learn how to thread that needle anyway and go on to change their lives for the better permanently.

Eventually, like everyone else, I'm going to die. But until then I'm going to LIVE!

https://gph.is/1W9GlNh

[Dutchie]

Thank you very much Tinman, for this very useful answer.
As I understand you correctly, your advice (based on many years of been there, done that) is:
Make a plan, stick to it, but go with the flow and roll with the punches?
Work the plan, but assess and adjust if necessary?
That makes a lot of sense.
I am sure I can do that.
I'll get the hang of it...
But it is still a bit scary, letting go of a pattern that worked.

[Dutchie]

Thank you Ann2, for your honest answer.
I am sure you're right about the "why" she is commenting on the things I consider to be good for ME.
Maybe she feels threatened in some way.
But this is not about her, so good riddance.
I am not going to make this into a debate, I know what I want and I don't feel the need to defend myself to her.

I realise that actually sticking to a plan is the hardest part.
But working without a plan for me feels like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.
Will I stumble and fall?
Maybe, but I will get up again, I consider this whole wls thing a neverending learning curve.

Self care is a real thing for me.
After having raised (and during that period) two special needs children, I have followed numerous seminars and lectures about self care.
I had to in order to survive.
But I did survive and can always fall back on what I have learned.

In some aspects I feel really confident, but this is uncharted territory, and previous (bad) experiences in maintaining are haunting me.
That's it, I guess.
Fear of failure.

[Ann2]

You're such a smart cookie, DutchSleeve.

Next time I'm in your neck of the woods I'd like to meet you in the real world.

There are so many people who've been on this message board in years past that I'd love to meet, but have only had that pleasure a couple of times. There are some good, good folks here.

[azladyrider]

Nothing is "inevitable" in regards to regain sorry. That's up to the individual. I too know some women who are less than 2 years out and they are still as obese as they were when they started but watching them eat I know why. I don't understand why they went through the surgery in the first place even.

[azladyrider]

Ok...this is where I just have to jump in. You need a plan, that’s for sure. But, this is where we disagree. Folks gain because they don’t pay attention to the results of their plan. Here’s what I always say.

Make a plan. Work your plan. OWN YOUR RESULTS. Change as necessary.

If you stick to one plan and stick to it obsessively, you will regain I’m sure Ann and the other vets on here will agree. Gaining on maintenance is really nothing more than a stall. Your body no longer is willing to maintain your weight on what you are giving it. You must always be prepared to change it up when needed. I can assure you that what works for you now isn’t going to work for you two or three years from now. Believe me. I have a big ass dose of been there and done that.

Continue to change things up and own the results. I’ve got it down to such a science that I change my food plan with the seasons because it seems my body changes with the seasons. Might be all in my head, but, it works for me.

Only advice I can give you is to be super flexible in you approach when you get to maintenance. After almost six years, I’m still changing it up.

Yep! "sticking to it obsessively" to me is a setup to failure. I didn't get the surgery to never eat steaks again or never eat pizza or a cookie now and again. It irritates the bejesus out of me when I see people (mostly under 6 months out or even pre-op) that say that someone will "never" eat this or that. Noooo I can eat pizza - the difference is I no longer order a large and polish it off sitting on the couch in one sitting. I eat one slice and I'm done (and it was GOOD too)

[Stacey03]

Ok...this is where I just have to jump in. You need a plan, that’s for sure. But, this is where we disagree. Folks gain because they don’t pay attention to the results of their plan. Here’s what I always say.

Make a plan. Work your plan. OWN YOUR RESULTS. Change as necessary.

If you stick to one plan and stick to it obsessively, you will regain I’m sure Ann and the other vets on here will agree. Gaining on maintenance is really nothing more than a stall. Your body no longer is willing to maintain your weight on what you are giving it. You must always be prepared to change it up when needed. I can assure you that what works for you now isn’t going to work for you two or three years from now. Believe me. I have a big ass dose of been there and done that.

Continue to change things up and own the results. I’ve got it down to such a science that I change my food plan with the seasons because it seems my body changes with the seasons. Might be all in my head, but, it works for me.

Only advice I can give you is to be super flexible in you approach when you get to maintenance. After almost six years, I’m still changing it up.

The body is a weird thing and it loves change. Having a plan is important especially for the OCD types like me! I really agree with owning the results and changing things up as necessary. And the seasons... I totes get that. I think that we have a lot to learn as we go along Dutchie and learn we will :-)
I'm also never keen on meeting Ann out back unless it's for a dirty martini and a hug!!! You can have a margarita Tinman!:-)

[DHB]

I'm a long way from maintenance but this is a really helpful thread, so thank you all.

[sraebaer]

I think with weighing yourself daily it will be easy to maintain. It will be on your mind, and if you are up a pound, you'll be more careful and it will be gone the next day. I have basically stayed the same for over 3 years without much planning, except I do still follow all the rules, eat healthy and exercise. Actually today I was 4 pounds under goal, but I had just skied 7 days from 9 to 4. So I guess if you want to be thin move to the mountains and become a ski bum!

Your friend isn't working the program. If she did she would have noticed a little gain and gotten back on track, not waited until 26 pounds. No one to blame but herself. No way can I gain any weight back, I've spent too much money on clothes!! Oh, and I like being normal too.

[Christie13]

I am not afraid at all of the regain. I know that my daily weigh in will prevent me from gaining. Because I will not allow myself to go up for than a few lbs. I know that when I gain a few I will make sure to adjust accordingly. I refuse to let my gain go above 5 lbs. I refuse not listen to my body and what it is wanting/needing. You won't regain because you are committed to your results and keeping your weight down. I don't believe regain is inevitable. I believe regain is when people are in denial and just let themselves continue to gain thinking it is no big deal. We own this journey and we own our actions. If we regain, it is on us and no one else. Your friend is wrong but your friend is her own worst enemy. She is basically making excuses for her poor decisions. End of story.

[Dutchie]

Who knows Ann2?
It would be great to meet.
And yes, there amazing people here on this board, who all contribute in their own way and that is what makes it so interesting.
All those opinions, all those different points of view.
Thanks Sue Ashe, Edie, Dale, and Christie, and sraebear, for reading this and for your responses.
I agree, OCD means being rigid and that is not the most helpful attitude.
And being in control is just an illusion, we are never in control, sometimes we just like to think so.
Control is an illusion.

It is exactly what you all seem to say: as long as you are vigilant, there is no way you'll regain and certainly not overnight.
That is the purpose of my plan.
I want to set myself up for succes.
And that plan is what I need at this point.

As for food choices: I've never been one of those people who said Ï can never eat that again".
Saying that is plain silly.
I have been eating small bites of ice cream, pizza, cake and a sip of wine.
I used to love all those things.
But the real funny part is: I don't care for it any more.
I didn't think it was worth it.
So there is where the part of my plan (if I don't absolute love it, it's not going into my mouth) comes into play.
My food choices are not included in my plan, except that they mostly will be healthy.

Vigilant, not OCD, that will have to do it for me.