Coping with the fear of failure

[Aussie Girl]

So I will be admitted to hospital 7 am tomorrow morning and in 24 hours from now I will have a new tiny stomach!

In the last week and days I have been swinging around feeling excited and motivated one minute then to terror, fear of surgery and gripped by the fear of failure. Oh and hugely emotional and teary.

Just when I think I have got this a little voice (my inner critic) says to me - how is this going to be any different to all the other times I have tried to get the weight off (and keep it off)? You are going to extreme this time, there is no turning back, this is permanent!

On reflection and facing my demons head-on I have realised its not just going to happen without a bit of work and mind change to a new life not just a temporary change/diet. Starting with facing the things I did (ate/drank) that held me back from success instead of ignoring the bad habits - that always come back!

So I guess this is the beginning of the journey for my mind just as much for my body/stomach. Getting my head in the game to quote a wise sleever here

I will keep facing my demons one day at a time and each time my inner critic tells me I'm going to fail it will make me try harder not less....

See you on the other side

[Stacey03]

MAAAATEEEE. you're going to do fine. and yes it does mean changing habits, throwing in some exercise, eating lean protein and veg when you can fit it in. Drinking your water, getting all your protein.There is some work in this but let me tell you my fellow aussie, you have got to look at the positive. You will lose your weight, of course you will. And as time goes by you will get more and more confident that you are going to suceed. The first week is the hardest so hang in there and message here often so we can help. Also emotions are great, you're moving on to a whole new life, you're bound to be emotional. You are going to do great. Believe me. I'll be thinking of you xx

[Aussie Girl]

LOL you're bonza Edie!! Laughing and teary at the same time...thanks so much for your words of encouragement. The incredible support from this site blows me away

In for 4 days and taking my laptop to do more research while I'm sipping my fluids, so will definitely keep in touch xxx

[Stacey03]

Whoooopppp :-)

[Jeanious]

You will really come out a healthier happier person.
I'm still getting used to foods but easily get my shakes down.
The one thing that changed for me was the absence of "desire for food"
I loved my food, I relished my food, I honestly can't look at any now.
Everyone's different. Some have a breezy healing time whilst others have a few hiccups.
My mind plays on me too! Not the one that used to say "go on you know you want it" she's gone( thank goodness)
It's the " hope I've done the right thing" " what if it doesn't work". I used my food as a barrier from outside problems, now
the food need is gone, I feel a bit vulnerable and I'm looking for something else to comfort me.
Gosh, I go on. Sorry. Listen, you keep your spirits up, enjoy this new beginning, come back and tell us how you are going
and remember, everyone on here has or is going to get, the same gift. A tool to live a happier healthier life.

Good luck!

[Aussie Girl]

Thank you Jenious, yes I keep forgetting I will not be hungry, that is going to help a lot. Yes also worried about how long it will work for given my previous experience with a band. But I do know I have 6-12 months to 'retrain the brain' for breaking habits.

I am definitely a comfort eater (who isn't??) you know when folks tell you they lose weight when they are stressed? Well I would put on weight when stressed, happy, depressed, cerebrating! I am outwardly a very confident person, but know one really very knows my deepest struggles. Well no one except you guys now I can't relate to being vulnerable except to say that I challenge definitely to be more honest with people, hard being very private.

You are going to be great, it won't be too long now, as the numbers you weigh are replaced by the numbers you have lost, and you will be able to take on the world with your new found confidence and bravery. You won't have to hide anymore ...

[Jeanious]

Thanks Aussiegirl, your support, along with others is a great mental mood booster.

Talk again after your sleeve. ��
You'll do great.

[elllie]

HI! Good luck with the surgery. I am having my second appointment with the surgeon this week. I have still not made up my mind whether or not to go ahead with the surgery and for many of the reasons you have mentioned re your fear. I too am worried about failure and about coping with the extreme diet. I know all that I should be doing to lose weight, but find it difficult and like allot of other people on here I have yo yo dieted all my life. I look forward to following your progress. Once again good luck.

[Aussie Girl]

Thanks Ellie, will keep you posted, and keep reading the posts it will help you in your decision

[Ann2]

Aussie Girl, yes -- everything you said in your original post (OP) above is correct. That is how the war is won. And how the peace afterward is kept.

Very best wishes to you.

[Luv49ers19]

So incredibly thrilled for you! Those are totally rational fears and feelings. I know I had all of them. You'll figure it out. This site really is the best place to be for support and encouragement. I wouldn't be in the great state of mind I'm in without everyone here!

Not being hungry is the strangest feeling! The morning after I came home from the hospital I was feeling pretty good and I cooked my hubby breakfast. Wasn't tempted at all. I still cook all his meals and yeah it smells good but I don't want it. We're talking mashed potatoes and gravy and stuff like that. I know this restrain will not last forever but I'm quite enjoying it at the moment.

Stick to the rules and the plan and you'll do great! You got this! Tell your little voice when you hear it to take a flying leap! You're worth it. Wishing you a speedy recovery and please keep us posted!

[AnnieG]

Aussie Girl, yes -- everything you said in your original post (OP) above is correct. That is how the war is won. And how the peace afterward is kept.

Very best wishes to you.

Ann02 makes a wonderful point - "keeping the peace" is a daily challenge. This board is an incredible support and help doing this. I can see that I am smaller, but feeling smaller is a different idea. It's been a lot of years (20?) since I was this size.

And not being hungry, or feeling the need to eat mindlessly at meals is right now a daily peace making thing for me.

But you've got it covered!

[DHB]

I'll just add that I'm one of those people who felt hungry after surgery and I still do. BUT I eat a few bites and then I'm full and satisfied. I'm beginning to understand that this is how those thin people around me felt. Hunger, but totally manageable. And the ability to eat consciously and then know I've had enough. It's still amazing to me. I enjoy food but don't go overboard and when we go out to eat I just order an appetizer or a fish or chicken entree knowing that I'll have another meal or two left over. If this was in any way dependent on my own willpower I would be failing. But it's a totally new ballgame. And many of those foods you just can't get enough of now will not be attractive after surgery. I had a terrible sweet tooth. Now anything with sugar makes me feel nauseated. Again, this amazes me every day. Soon you'll experience this for yourself. Best of luck.

[Aussie Girl]

Thanks everyone, Im in the first stage waiting for the nurse to collect me for pre Theatre prep. Nerves borderline, but that may change as I get closer to the theatre room!! �� try not to burst into tears this time �� Will check in later xx

[Jeanious]

You've got this! Good luck!