What not to say to someone before and after sleeve surgery...

[sraebaer]

This is why I only told my mom, children, and a few close friends. And turns out one of the "close friends" blabbed it to everyone, and told others how she knew someone who had weight loss surgery and gained back all their weight. She didn't say that to me. And now she can eat her words as 4 years later I have not gained back my weight.

I was so surprised when out to dinner with a large group of acquaintances when someone started asking me about my surgery. Yep, had to be someone the "friend" shared my story with.

My best advice for newbies is tell only your immediate support group.

After losing all my weight, if a large person asked how I did it, I told them. I actually motivated 2 people to have the surgery, the wife of a guy I taught with and a total stranger (substitute teacher) I met in the teacher's lounge over lunch. She was taking about how the doctor wanted her to lose weight but she just couldn't. Saw her a year later, regular-sized, and she thanked me, said she was wishy-washy about the surgery but after meeting me got the confidence to do it.

[tinman]

In the past, I've told folks that I lost the weight via portion control and exercise. This is all very true. I used to think it wasn't anyone's business and, to a certain extent, I still do. Now, I have found the fool proof way to shut them up.

When asked, I respond, "I had to have stomach surgery and ended up with 80% of my stomach removed." The truth is, I did have to have 80% removed because if I didn't I would be dead by now. Most people who are casual acquaintances are not going to pry as to why you "had" to have your stomach removed. 100% of the time when I use that answer, the response is, "Well, it sure worked out for you in the end, didn't it?"

For the newbies, you will find that over time, this is a complete non issue. The longer you are at goal, the more comfortable you and others get with how you did it. There are always going to be jackasses who don't engage their filter before speaking. Can't stop that regardless of what you say.

As for those who say, "that's the easy way out". I always ask them, "How did you get to work today?" Their answer? "I drove, took the bus, carpooled, etc."

Then I say, "Well if you didn't walk, you took the easy way out.....didn't you?" "I bought a tool for weight loss just like you bought a tool for getting to work."

'Nuff said.

[Stacey03]

I think it's completely up to people to say what they want but for me I was completely transparent. I do a bit of writing about health and running and people know that I already lost 40kg. I didn't want people to look at future photos of me and think I had lost the last bit through exercise and diet, because it wouldn't be true. Despite running 50km a week and 3 crossfit sessions and not eaing anything with a barcode I still couldn't get it off. I wanted people to try and understand obesity a bit more, like it's pretty complex. So I told a few friends and family before the op and then wrote about it afterwards. So everyone knows and I've had nothing but 'onya' comments. People know I work pretty hard and i can outrun them anyday ;-)
I do think it is okay to be private about it too though. I don't think that is decietful as really your own life is your business. It's also admirable to stand up and not be ashamed. it's an individual thing. Drive your own bus! :-)

[Gege1061]

How about all of the looks you get after surgery??!! I work in a very public atmosphere and word has gotten around. They eye me up and down like a piece of steak at the butcher and then inevitably say something like-your looking so good!-Mind you I am 4 weeks out of surgery and not a lot has changed yet. The worst is when they eye me up, stare and say nothing...like, what's wrong with you...isn't it working??!! Now, mind you most people know through the grapevine and then they hand me a big box of chocolates and say- I didn't know if you could have this.
I feel like a science experiment most of the time.
I wait until the coast is clear, shut my classroom door and laugh my ass off!

Gege

[Christie13]

Another thing about when people know you have had surgery...they look at every little thing you put in your mouth. They somehow feel they can judge you. I have seen this when others I knew had surgery. To this day, only the original people I told know and like 2 or 3 other people. I just tell people I cleaned up my diet eating predominantly low carb, portion control, and exercise. All of that is true. I still do not feel the need to tell other people. At the end of the day, it is my business. And truthfully, it is no different than keeping other medical things to yourself. Not like we go around and say what medications we are on for what conditions. (Other than to those who need to know.) Maybe down the road I will change my mind, but honestly, I don't think I will. The additional people I have been honest with are those who actually might consider the sleeve themselves. So I was open with them. Luckily, no one has gone around blabbing my secret.

[Pheeel21]

I have this alleged friend who criticizes everybody and anything. He is a chronic complainer. Although I never told him I had weight loss surgery he always comments about my weight loss. He'll say "your losing too fast", it will affect your golf game, and finally he said in front of others that losing weight will cause me to need to buy new clothes. I responded to him " I was thinking of giving his wife my old clothes". That finally shut him up.

[Gege1061]

Another thing about when people know you have had surgery...they look at every little thing you put in your mouth. They somehow feel they can judge you. I have seen this when others I knew had surgery. To this day, only the original people I told know and like 2 or 3 other people. I just tell people I cleaned up my diet eating predominantly low carb, portion control, and exercise. All of that is true. I still do not feel the need to tell other people. At the end of the day, it is my business. And truthfully, it is no different than keeping other medical things to yourself. Not like we go around and say what medications we are on for what conditions. (Other than to those who need to know.) Maybe down the road I will change my mind, but honestly, I don't think I will. The additional people I have been honest with are those who actually might consider the sleeve themselves. So I was open with them. Luckily, no one has gone around blabbing my secret.

Lucky you! I only told a select few who were concerned and thought I was taking time off to deal with something life threatening. Parents started saying I was sick and wasn't returning, oh the drama! So word is out and I'm embracing it (no choice) the only upside is if I haven't told someone directly they don't have the nerve to ask. by now, I'm sure the whole town knows and STILL they are giving me candy and cookies.... thank goodness I'm not hungry.

Gege

[Dutchie]

What happened this morning: a friend of mine is 1 month behind me with her sleeve.
She did a very good job loosing all of her excess weight, works out a lot, and is doing great!
But she is still struggling with this body dysmorphia thing and has not much confidence yet.
Another "friend" told her just this morning "not much left of your boobs, is there? You had not much to begin with, but now it's next to nothing"...
I am left to pick up the pieces...
This really blows me away...
The nerve of some people...

[Stacey03]

What happened this morning: a friend of me is 1 month behind me with her sleeve.
She did a very good job loosing all of her excess weight, works out a lot, and is doing great!
But she is still struggling with this body dysmorphia thing and has not much confidence yet.
Another "friend" told her just this morning "not much left of your boobs, is there? You had not much to begin with, but now it's next to nothing"...
I am left to pick up the pieces...
This really blows me away...
The nerve of some people...

Some people are just incredibly horrid arn't they? So glad you can help pick up those pieces, it can be so hurtful. Unpleasant and unecessary.

[Riz_1]

guys all of your comments are wonderful..

some are hilarious !

thanks for sharing...

[azladyrider]

I guess being a "slow loser" has its benefits. The few people who know about my surgery keep looking for signs that I'm shrinking. I welcome the day when someone tells me I'm too thin.

The first time that happened someone was trying to get through a crowd behind me and she said "oh no need to move you're so tiny I can get past you" I was like who the hell is she talking to? lol 5 years later and I still think "what?"

[azladyrider]

What happened this morning: a friend of mine is 1 month behind me with her sleeve.
She did a very good job loosing all of her excess weight, works out a lot, and is doing great!
But she is still struggling with this body dysmorphia thing and has not much confidence yet.
Another "friend" told her just this morning "not much left of your boobs, is there? You had not much to begin with, but now it's next to nothing"...
I am left to pick up the pieces...
This really blows me away...
The nerve of some people...

LOL OMG I would have said yeah but I can always get implants to get bigger boobs but last time I checked there was no surgery to fix stupid!

[azladyrider]

Well said AZLADYRIDER!! At first I was going to be secretive about my surgery, but as time has gone on, I know it only been five weeks, but I have changed my thought process on this. I am proud of the fact I took back my life. I have no problem telling or letting people know I had the surgery. I look at it as a surgery that has or will save my life, no different than a bypass surgery. I was going to die from my obesity, just as I would have died from a heart attack. A bypass is a tool to help clear out your heart and make things flow better, but, just as a VSG is only a tool, if you don't change your lifestyle you will still die. But after saying that, I understand everyone has their own approach and has to handle it on a personal level. No way is right for everyone. Do what works for you!

I'm VSG'd and Proud!! Have a Merry Christmas everyone!!

I guess for me I look at it as WLS has such a stigma as it is and to hide it is just feeding into that stigma and shame. I still remember some gal that made national news for her weight loss and she came from Australia I think it was to Scottsdale for a massive makeover with a top plastic surgeon. People praised her for her weight loss and while it was impressive the local news and herself never mentioned she had WLS. I guess I looked at it from a "fat person" view - if someone reading her story and seeing how fast she lost and how much she lost and that person was trying the traditional way without that much success they might get discouraged. I know of many friends who have asked me about the surgery and I think most ended up having it. Some made it known and some didn't - that's on them.

[BlueUmbrella]

My medical history is my business. I'm a very private person and don't tend to tell people intimate details about my life unless I can trust them 100% or feel I need to. There's nothing bad or shameful about it, I'm just not the type of person to share my private business with whatever busybody is asking personal questions.