Pissed at myself

**Katrina** · 10-30-2017 10:46 AM

My 3 year surgiversary is coming up in 5 days. I really really wanted to be at an even 100 pounds lost on that day. I've been aware that I needed to lose a few pounds to get there for a couple of weeks now. I had time. Now I'm not so sure I'm going to make it as I've allowed myself to gain instead of lose. Instead of needing to go from 115 to 113 I now need to go from 117 to 113. Grrr! I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't that big of a deal, but it's something I wanted, and after having been well under that for the past two years, it shouldn't have been so damn difficult. Waking up at 4:30 this morning, and downing a bag of Twizzlers explains everything. I am a self sabotaging fool. If I can just get back to 115, my new happy weight, I'll be satisfied. I really did want that 113 for a day though. I guess I didn't want it enough.

Edit- just noticed my ticker says 112 ��
I'll update it on my anniversary.

**psparks** · 10-30-2017 10:55 AM

You will do it, i started to get aggravated only 5 weeks out because i have stalled at 4 weeks not loosing anymore (at the moment). I am about the same size as you were when you had surgery I can only hope to do as well as you have!!! I have to remind myself of what i told myself the day of surgery. I will be happy just not to weigh 200lbs again. I know my goal weight keeps changing but i will be satisfied NEVER to go back i would love to continue to loose and i know i will but it will be slower than most peoples (so im told) and im ok with that. You have done fabulous job at keeping your weight down! dont be so hard on yourself you look amazing!! but i know what you mean about goal and self sabotaging all to well. I just hope that i dont fall back into bad habits and have to make a conscience effort not too. You will do it !!!

**Christie13** · 10-30-2017 07:40 PM

Sometimes we do these things to ourselves for various reasons. And realistically, it is not necessary that you are at 113. You are still a healthy BMI. It is just this # that we focus on sometimes. I occasionally think I want to get to 107 just so I can say I lost 100 lbs. But I look at myself and know I do not need to lose anymore weight. But there is just something about that stupid "100 lbs" that makes me want to hit it. WHY? It is NOT that serious!!

**Katrina** · 11-02-2017 07:43 AM

I did it! And I did it with two days to spare. I'm surprised by how proud I am of this since I've weighed less than 110 for much of the last two years. However, I set a goal that I was afraid I wouldn't reach, and I reached it. Trying to decide now if I want to keep it up and get back to 110 or tackle that Halloween candy on the 4th. ;-)