4 years out and I've gained but I'm not going to let myself feel like a failure anymore!

[jessiejess]

Well, here I am. Back again. Shady's back. Tell a friend. Lol. I wish I could say SLIM Shady but that's not how things worked out for me. I was a rock star success story on this board losing 118lbs and maintaining for 2 years. Well, my personal life went to shit and so did my healthy lifestyle. I've regained a significant amount of weight over the last year and it wasn't due to food or over eating. It is due to alcohol and a sedentary lifestyle. I still eat small amounts but that doesn't matter if you drink a bottle of wine a day. The big ones. I felt like my weight loss ruined my life so, to cope, I started having a glass here and there to relax. Then I got laid off and drank all day every day. The ironic thing is I didn't get drunk. I just really like wine. Caveat - one bottle of wine can be as many as 2000 calories. Result? 55lb weight gain, shame, and feeling like a loser. Well, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I am setting a goal. No wine this weekend. Then no wine for a week. Then two and so on and so forth. I'm having water. Once I get hydrated again, I am going to get fitness gradually incorporated back into my life. Now, I've set these goals all before but I was doing it while feeling like a failure for throwing away everything I had achieved. Well, this time it's different. That switch in me flipped. You all know the switch. It's the one when you know you're ready for the right reasons. I don't feel like a failure now. I don't feel like I blew it. I don't have the goal of being a size 4 again. The past is over and I am not beating myself up for it. Now I'm actually looking forward to something new. I want to be healthy again. I don't care what size I get into again. I have a goal weight in mind but I am going to focus on what I am doing right now instead of what I did then or what I will do tomorrow. I am in control of me right now. And right now I'm in a good mind set and I feel strong. I can kick these bad habits for ME. So, one day at a time. I'm going to listen to my body and what feels healthy. So I'm off on my NEW journey. Here we go!!

[Gvn71]

Well, I think you said exactly what resulted in your regain. Alcohol and sedentary lifestyle..... Eliminate those and get back in the game!

What's the underlying issue though? This is the part that scares the crap out of me. I am determined not to go back to the old me, I am really enjoying my new life. But, what was the true issue that resulted in my initial weight gain and obesity? I don't really know. I like to think that I was a stress eater, get stressed, cope by eating.... a lot....

Now I exercise, a lot (maybe I do have an addictive personality). Fortunately I don't drink, or use drugs, so I used to eat, now I run......

It is a regular thought in my mind and it scares me to think about where will I be in 1 year, 2, 3, 5 or 15? Hopefully I'll still be on the same path, not wandering aimlessly through the valley of cream puffs.....

You describe a lot of drinking...... Maybe it's time to get some help? I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, but maybe some help from a counseling perspective could help you out so you don't end up wandering aimlessly through the valley of Riesling, or Marlot all over again?

I really do believe that the mental game is much harder than the physical one. We eat, or drink, or lay on the couch for some underlying reason, some reason that's in our head, and unfortunately we don't know what it is most of the time.

Hope this helps. I am self admittedly not even one year out from surgery, but I recognize my own mental head game issues and thought this might be comforting or helpful in some way.

Later!

[tracey111]

Hi Jessie, your story sounds somewhat similar to mine before I had the surgery. I just had the surgery on 10/10 and only thing I miss - not food, not diet sodas (didn't even drink them), is the WINE! I drank anywhere from a glass to a bottle a day depending how my day went with a stressful job. My husband has been extremely supportive through all of this but the one thing he said is 'don't let all your pain and hard work go down the drain in a couple of years' and he is right. I am sure you can do this and get your self motivated again to be healthy. We are all cheering you on in this forum. Good luck!

[Christie13]

Looks like you know what you did and what you need to do! You got this. I can tell by that positive, can do attitude! Get back on your horse and ride into the sunset! Cheering you on!

[sraebaer]

You are so brave to put it all out here! With that kind of personality, I know you can get healthy again, and who cares if that's a size 4. (Size 4 sounds really crazy and hard to maintain to me.) I too love wine, and I know if I cut if out I'd lose my pesky 5 pounds. Totally empty calories. But I think most of us have addictive personalities, or we wouldn't have gotten fat, and alcohol is just something else to get addicted to.

[Stacey03]

In some ways its great to read this post because it shows the problems that any of us could have. i think you are still a rock star!!!! Your positive attitude, resiliance and determination are going to take you far. I can't say too much because i havent even had my surgery yet but I can see your fire! Yes! Go get em :-)

[Dutchie]

For what it's worth: I think you are very brave!
Thank you for sharing this.
I'm convinced you will loose again.
You have a beautiful, positive attitude, which will help you every step of the way!
You can do this.

[Ann2]

Hey, Jess, girl.

Welcome back.

And yes, I know what that "switch" feels like. It's a bit magical, isn't it?

xoxoxoxoxo

[mrsv]

Jessie, your post is truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

[Pheeel21]

Slim Shady is back!.. Knowing what happened is so important. I always told myself that I didn't eat that much but had 4 glasses of wine. Empty calories are ugly little suckers. You will do so well. At least this is not new ground for you, you did it before and you can do it again. Go Slim!!!