My time has come

[Katrina]

The honeymoon is over! It sure was fun while it lasted though. I knew it would end eventually, and I was extra lucky that it lasted as long as it did allowing me to eat anything and everything I wanted and still lose and keep off a ton of weight for a little over two and a half years.

It's either time to buckle down or be a miserable cow. It's going to be hard. I do so love my junk food, and my nighttime eating is out of control.

This morning I weighed in at 116.0. I was not happy. That's an understatement. It's strange that for the most part my eating habits have not changed, but my body has definitely changed its reaction to them.

I did notice for the first time last night that I was able to eat an entire BLT as a bedtime snack. The whole thing! I usually am only able to eat half then eat the other half thirty or so minutes later. Not last night. Didn't get sick either. Was even hungry again not too long after. I'm always hungry!

Today I decided this has to stop. We'll see how that goes since I decided the same thing last week and was able to do a protein shake only day and drop 3 pounds. Went right back to crap eating and put two pounds back on the next day. I have to keep myself motivated. It's a little hard because 116 isn't fat. The hungry part of me says I still have lots of wiggle room. The rational part of me knows that's exactly how it all begins.

So I've had two protein shakes (200 calories 25 grams protein each) and two Oikos triple zero yogurts (120 calories 15 grams protein each) 640 calories 80 protein total so far today. Not too shabby! But... it isn't dark yet. The scale says 114.4 right now. I'm trying to keep myself motivated. But dang it, I'm going to be hungry, I just know it.

[Katrina]

It makes me laugh thinking back to a year or so ago and being so worried that I was going to melt away to nothing. Ha! No worries there anymore. Woman can eat!

[Christie13]

You look pretty tall. What BMI does 116 put you at?

[RehabNurse]

You look pretty tall. What BMI does 116 put you at?

Katrina is 5'4 according to her signature. She was actually at an underweight BMI (maintained a weight below 110 pounds) for the better part of a year.

[Katrina]

I'm only 5'4. I haven't checked the BMI for that to know exact, but it's still good. I look big though. These few pounds have made a really big difference. I've gone from a 32D back to a 32DDD bra and I wore my daughter's size 4 jeans yesterday comfortably. I was too scared to attempt my own double zeros just for the sake of my sanity. I'm not ready to face the thought of having to replace my whole wardrobe AGAIN.

[Christie13]

I'm only 5'4. I haven't checked the BMI for that to know exact, but it's still good. I look big though. These few pounds have made a really big difference. I've gone from a 32D back to a 32DDD bra and I wore my daughter's size 4 jeans yesterday comfortably. I was too scared to attempt my own double zeros just for the sake of my sanity. I'm not ready to face the thought of having to replace my whole wardrobe AGAIN.

Your BMI is on the low end of normal. I cannot imagine that you look big. You are considerably taller than me (5 inches) and I weigh 118 right now. I look thin. Size 4 on your height is a good size. I do understand how it can be scary to gain some weight but honestly I think you are in a healthy range right now.

[jamma]

You should probably try to eat real food that will satisfy you and only use the protein shakes to supplement. My sister's weight went really low after her surgery and she didn't look good. People asked me if she was "ok". She stopped losing and regained 10 pounds and is perfectly sized now and happy. Our struggle with overeating is exactly that. Our brain didn't have surgery, only our stomach did.

[Katrina]

Christie, I am in a good range. I know that. It's just scary because I've gained a lot really fast. If I thought I would stay at the 115 range, I'd be ok with that. It is just scary to see the scale climbing so rapidly and knowing how I eat. I never took advantage of the early days after surgery to learn to eat properly. I coasted on just my tool doing all the work. I had/have an amazing tool. It did ALL the work. I literally did nothing to help it. I have to learn now or I'm going to be sitting here crying about much more than an 8 - 10 pound gain. I knew better, but I was so thin, even underweight for a period, so why wouldn't a food junkie continue to eat the junk they love when it didn't have any negative effect?

The gain is also hard because I've finally gotten used to being under 110. Now I feel bloated. My fingers feel thick. My watch feels odd. Even my sweatpants felt icky. So while it would be incredibly stupid to say 116 is fat, it is different for me. That is quite a bit of weight added to me. I feel it, and I'm not comfortable. My family thinks I look better, and I like that. I just don't feel comfortable in my skin yet. I hate that my boobs have gotten so big again.

I did well yesterday. I ate half of a large baked boneless skinless chicken breast for dinner. When the nighttime hunger came, I made a salad of lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes, and fat free Catalina dressing with one slice of deli roasted turkey. It was really good. I redownloaded my fitness pal , and according to it, I got about 1,008 calories and 150 grams of protein. It's says I'll weight 109.5 in 5 weeks if I keep eating that way. I won't keep eating that way. I already want a blonde brownie blizzard today. But it was encouraging to see the scale at 112.4 this morning. That tells me that I absolutely can put the brakes on it when I put my head in the game.

[Katrina]

2017-07-01 09.50.30.jpg

This was Tuesday. You can't tell me that I don't look bigger than the scale says. I look big. I hate this picture. It sucks because I thought I looked good that day. I loved my outfit. The jeans and new cute wedges with the white tank... sigh

[DesertGal]

2017-07-01 09.50.30.jpg

This was Tuesday. You can't tell me that I don't look bigger than the scale says. I look big. I hate this picture. It sucks because I thought I looked good that day. I loved my outfit. The jeans and new cute wedges with the white tank... sigh

I think you look very healthy here... and perfect and pretty!

[Lisa73me]

2017-07-01 09.50.30.jpg

This was Tuesday. You can't tell me that I don't look bigger than the scale says. I look big. I hate this picture. It sucks because I thought I looked good that day. I loved my outfit. The jeans and new cute wedges with the white tank... sigh

You look very healthy and you look thin! You look marvelous! You do not look big!

[jamma]

Katrina, you look great in that picture, I know we all have our own perceptions of what we look like, but you really look good. One day last week I weighed 3 pounds more in the late afternoon than I had the previous morning. I just laughed, the scale is ridiculous!