THIS is my support group.

[DesertGal]

I attended my second support group last night at the local hospital that my surgeon puts on once a month. (Second... and last.) I went once before surgery and wasn't too impressed. In MY mind, a support group is where people sit where you can see one another and share experiences, info, tips and stories. Maybe I'm wrong... but that's how I interpret a support group. At that first meeting, we sat in rows, facing a screen with a guest speaker talking about pilates. She teaches the class. She had a slide show of exercises going on the screen. (The speaker was the surgeon's wife). I didn't get anything out of it.

Last night I thought I would attend because at my one month post op visit, when I was checking out I was reminded there are support group meetings and a brief lecture ensued from the gal at the desk. I marked my calendar when I got home and went.

I get MORE out of this site than I did there. And I get more support here than I have at each appointment I have had since December. There were maybe 7 people who had been sleeved who attended. 2 people who were 4 and 5 years out and didn't speak at all. The rest of the sleevers were newbies, me included. Then there were about 7 people who are awaiting approval. We went around the room and gave our surgery dates, what we've lost. The surgeon and the nutritionist led the group and asked if anyone had issues, questions, comments about their recent surgery. I spoke up and said that it wasn't really an issue, but my concern is that I am still only able to comfortably take in 1/4 cup of food at a time, which I am glad I can do, then I mentioned that now that I am eating soft, cooked meats instead of puree, with more water increased during the day also, I lose 1 pound a day. What was the response to my query? "Be glad you can only eat 1/4 cup. It's not going to last. And if you think by eating more protein, it is making you lose more weight, enjoy it because it's going to stop." WTF? This coming from the surgeon? And the nutritionist sat there nodding in agreement. I have lost 77 pounds (35 since surgery in March). I was dumbfounded. Not once did I hear 'great job", "you're sticking to the plan", etc... It was completely different than what he would say BEFORE surgery. He kept insisting that if 'we' stuck to measuring everything at every meal we should be on the right track. He said that we should lose the most weight in the first year, then taper off and maintenance begins. I think I have a good head start now, but to hear him speak last night was kind of off-putting. I'm being realistic but it was one strange SUPPORT group.

The ONLY kudos and back slapping I heard the whole night, was when he complimented himself and the NUT about 'how we're the only people in town who put on these support group meetings every month. No one else does it here.' I didn't want to say anymore, but I found out a week before surgery that WE (patients) pay $500. for being in the "program". Which I am sure entails having a support group... otherwise there is NO program.

So, I wanted you all to know I get more out of this support group and the people than I do at the local one, and I am not going back. Life is too short.

[RehabNurse]

I've never physically attended any support groups. While I considered going to Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meetings, the tenets and foundation of the group didn't really appeal to me.

Although the surgeon's wording may have been brusque, he was absolutely telling the truth. As a physician, it's his job to prepare his patients for reality without the candy-coating of false reassurances. I could eat 1/4 cup in the very early days. Nowadays it's more like half a plate of food.

Keep up the great work. Good luck to you.

[lvman]

All of our journey will be different, what I have learned is that some of us has had less of our stomach removed due to bin and body type. So your weight loss will not be cookie cutter. I can go two or three bites and I am full depending on what I am eating. And I am two years post.

[Shirl]

I agree with RehabNurse completely! But I would have wanted some acknowledgment, maybe. I had to be there to know for sure.

Sounds like to me that there isn't a lot of engagement and that's the reason they run their meetings they way they do. Being a facilitator and getting people and staying engaged in the conversation takes lots of skill and practice. Trust me!

My recommendation is that you continue to show up and contribute to the conversation so it takes a different direction. See if the surgeon can talk more in depth about subjects that matter to uou in the future. If he sees you as a regular attendee and contributor he might value your input more.

I used conduct monthly dialogues (complete different subjects) and one thing that started to irritate me were folks who showed up, wanted to control the dialogue to their agenda never to be seen again. I could tell who these folks were immediately because they paid no-mind to our group agreements.

I would love to find a Sleeved group to attend. In fact, I am trying to start a monthly meetup in near and around Los Angeles, CA where I will be for the few years. I definitely agree that OA meetings were not for me, but I do love their mission and 12-Principles book which I have earmarked for many years.

[GigiUSA]

Wow!!!... just WoW. I really thought I was missing out on the "process" since I am having my surgery in Mexico and will not have "local" support pre/post op. I have enjoyed this site so much and have gained information, motivation and support here.. I really forgot about seeking out a local group. After reading your post, I have decided not to pursue it either. Keep up the great loss sleevers!!!!!! I'm very excited to join you on the losers bench (hugs)

[sraebaer]

My support group is hit-or-miss. Sometimes it's silly, with some skinny girl having us exercise in our seats. Total waste of time. Other times it's fantastic, like last week when a psychologist talked about mindful eating, and answered many questions. Sometimes it's just "no topic" which is also fun to get to hear about other's experiences. One time it was a Taste Party when we got to sample different protein drinks and foods, that one was fun. About once a year they have a plastic surgeon come, and once of that was enough for me. I'm too old to be sliced hip to hip just to get rid of some skin that no one sees under clothes. They shouldn't have shown pictures, EWWW!!!

We have a private Facebook site, so when they post what is happening that month I decide if I attend or not. But I agree, this site is a great support group. I'm way over 3 years out and still learn new things every day.

[ghost_ryder]

The support group I go to is significantly different. Maybe try a different group.

Our group is "led" by the nutritionist in our group but just to introduce a subject or to move the conversation along. We do sit in a circle, every time except one when a plastic surgeon was talking about skin removal, so we can talk about challenges or solutions we have found. I find this to be a great source of support. My only issue is that most attendees are women who have different issues than men do but I adapt to get things I am gong through. I think going forward is when I will get the most out of the group meetings. By maintaining and finding what others did to maintain in the post honeymoon period. I think my weight loss has stalled and may be reaching the hard portion where I am equalizing and it becomes more about eating and exercising properly.

[DesertGal]

I didn't talk too much during the meeting last night, just made the comment about the inability to eat more than 1/4 cup and also how protein (IMO) is helping to lose weight. That was it. The surgeon is ANTI online support groups, and discourages patients from going to these sites. (He told me this upon my first two appointments with him). He expects his patients to attend these.
I didn't get a whole lot out of it and really do not wish to attend again. My husband kind of did an "I-told-you-so" when I got home. (He's been able to read all along over the last 6 months how the doc's personality is, and he did attend with me the last group I went to. He was not impressed.)

[Ann2]

DesertGal -- sounds like your doc's support group sucks. And like nobody there has a freakin' clue about what a support group requires.

I wouldn't go back either.

That's not to say there aren't very well run support groups that provide tremendous value to attendees. But sounds like yours certainly doesn't. So very sorry. What a waste of a resource.

[Christie13]

Yup. That would be a turn off for me as well. I would think the support group would be about sharing experiences, comradery, celebrating in each others successes, and commiserating in our struggles/falters. I do not attend the support groups for my surgeon's office but mostly because they are far and down town so I choose not to. Plus, I love all the support from all you wonderful people and I can do it in my jammies! LOL.

[DesertGal]

DesertGal -- sounds like your doc's support group sucks. And like nobody there has a freakin' clue about what a support group requires.

I wouldn't go back either.

That's not to say there aren't very well run support groups that provide tremendous value to attendees. But sounds like yours certainly doesn't. So very sorry. What a waste of a resource.

I have attended many different types of support groups over the past 38 years for reasons other than my weight or WLS (having a stillborn child; another born with Down syndrome) and I KNOW how they should work. This was a complete farce. It's not anything I want to be involved with. Support to me, means being supportive.

[DesertGal]

Yup. That would be a turn off for me as well. I would think the support group would be about sharing experiences, comradery, celebrating in each others successes, and commiserating in our struggles/falters. I do not attend the support groups for my surgeon's office but mostly because they are far and down town so I choose not to. Plus, I love all the support from all you wonderful people and I can do it in my jammies! LOL.

This was the main reason for my post this morning ! To THANK YOU all for your advice, stories, tips and camaraderie I have shared with you since December 2016. I learned SO much more here, than anytime ever at my doctor's office or at the support meetings I have gone to. He had told me upfront when I mentioned I found this great online support group (back in December) to "Forget about that. You need to come to mine." He said he urges patients not to bother with web sites and stories online because most of them are nonsense (or close to those words) and you shouldn't listen to non professionals. (Uh, I think people's experiences having gone through the surgery speak volumes, and that is what I needed to read about.)
Excuse me, but I learned everything about what to expect before and after surgery through 'those people and their stories online.'
I would rather be comfortable in my own home and read through posts when I feel like it... and enjoy and take to heart the things I learn on here.

[D618]

The support group at my surgeon's office is pretty good. I think it helps that usually my best friend, who had her surgery in January, and I go together. We have met some very inspiring people and have learned a lot. Our last support group was actually a group walk, and that was a great way to be active and have more opportunities to speak with our fellow WLSers.
I have also found this site super helpful and have learned so much!