Originally Posted by
Jncyost
So I am new to this site and finally decided to reach out to others for some help on things. My name is Nicole, I am now 34 yrs old and 156lbs. March 26, 2014 I had the sleeve and weighed in at 356 lbs. I could not wait to have this surgery. I prepped for 10 months, went through the classes, therapy groups, psych eval, nutrition classes and everything. I was mentally and physically prepped and ready to go. I made it through surgery, then recovery and I immediately knew something was wrong. I didn't know what but something was wrong. The pain was more than I could stand. I had 8 ice packs on my stomach, I was given Percocet for the pain which did nothing, so onto Dilaudid which helped but minimal. 6 hours out of surgery and the pain was increasing by the minute. Doctors and nurses both thought my pain tolerance was low, that was not the case. I finally am able to convince the surgeon there is reason for concern and I am taken down for a CT. Low and behold during my surgery the surgeon snipped my splenic artery causing an Splenic Infarct. The pain I was feeling was in fact my spleen dying. According to the dr and reading online I shouldn't have felt anything in reality. Most people have no idea that they are experience a splenic infarct. I did feel it, I felt every part of it.
The surgeon admits to me and my family that he did snip the artery but "assumed" I would never know and it wouldn't matter in the end. My pain meds were increased to help and I was watched closely for infection. My 3 day stay was now 5 days for observation. I was sent home on liquids at 5 days and day 8 was in the ER with "not feeling right". Again I couldn't pin point what was wrong I just knew something was wrong. I did not feel like I was supposed to feel.
CT scan ordered and it is now verified I have developed a leak. I was admitted and this would be the beginning of a 267 day hospital stay. Long story short I ended up septic, with an emergency Spleenectomy and on life support 4 times. I had 19 more procedures/surgeries in those 267 days, feeding tube and PICC line for nutrition and could not eat by mouth from April 6, 2014 until October 29th, 2015. This saga would go on far longer than I had hoped. Threatened to take my life several times.
At one point I was down to 126 pounds, I had been to Cleveland Clinic for a specialist to help, I was in Cincinnati, OH for another specialist for several weeks in patient. Nobody could figure out why my leak wouldn't heal and why I had so many complications. It was a disaster.
With all of my complications and surgeries I ended developing an addiction to opiate pain medication and also Anorexia, 2 different kinds. Now at almost 3 years post surgery I am in weekly counseling for addiction, anorexia therapy and still struggle to eat, keep food down, stomach spasms and fear of gaining weight.
I have terrible night time episodes of throwing up bile in my sleep which I aspirate on and have had pneumonia several times from, I have heartburn even drinking water, the spasms are few but my fear of gaining weight consumes me. I am now between 150-159 depending on my monthly cycle and how "good" I am doing in a week with eating. I have gone 11 days before without eating a single thing. I live on coffee, string cheese and Greek yogurt pretty much. My fear of gaining weight, being in pain with trying new foods, stretching my stomach back out is all more than I can handle.
If I was given the option to go back in time and redo things, I would still have the surgery because it truly saved my life in the long run and I love the ME that was hiding behind the skin. With that sad I battle every single day with fears and that is one thing I have realized that nobody ever warned me of in the 10 months of pre-op stuff I had to do. They warn you about leaks, dying, blood clots but nobody tells you that you will most likely develop an eating disorder, your mind set doesn't change, your lack of self control doesn't change....what changes is for me my eating choices are fear based and driven. Getting to the 1, 3 and 5 year mark without gaining weight is all I can focus on.
Part of me is thankful I went through what I did because honestly with the mind process not being changed I could see how the 67% of people gain their weight back. I however went through so much and life support 4 times was enough to scare the 'eating" right out of me. I will NEVER eat something I shouldn't, drink something I shouldn't because for me I almost lost my life to have this new life and it isn't worth it. All I went through would be in vain if I did that.
So the point to my blog is, those of you prepping for surgery please know I am NOT trying discourage you I am trying to make you aware of the MENTAL changes that DONT happen and the ones that do. It is not mentioned that statistically 70% of bariatric surgery patients develop some kind of eating disorder. Nobody ever tells you that. WHY?? I wish they would have. It wouldn't have changed my mind but I would have liked to know.
For those that have already had the surgery, does anyone else have spasms, night time bile or severe reflux. Reflux that is NOT cured with Tums. I am talking serious, medically dangerous, erosive kind that is actively doing damage every day to your esophagus. Am I totally alone in this. It sure feels like it most days.
What about anyone else having the serious fear of gaining weight again?
I don't eat right, most days I consume 500 or less calories and I work out regularly on top of that. I run on empty most of the time and honestly I have "cravings" but am seldom hungry.
Any insight anyone has at all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and thoughts you have to share.
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