To tell or not to tell?

[AmandaNavigator]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your threads. I've learned a lot by reading all your posts.

I'm not sure whether or not to disclose what I'm doing. Right now only my husband knows.

I've gone up and down with my weight throughout most of my life. When I was successful and someone inquired I told them how I managed to lose weight e.g. weight Watchers, etc. i feel like ppl think that surgery is the easy way out. I believe it's the exact opposite. I know it'll be challenging and a real lifestyle change. I've thought about this and been in counseling in order to make the right decision for me.

One of my friends had the sleeve done and went full on Kardashian with it--making and posting videos, disclosing all the gory details when she didn't follow doctors' orders, etc. When I think about how it might play out I'm worried that I'll be subjected to a lot of other peoples issues as they weigh in on what I've done. I know I shouldn't care but I don't want to be judged any more than I already have been. Yet I don't know what I'll say if someone asks so it doesn't feel like I'm lying.

Would love any advice or experiences you've had. I'm trying to set myself up for success and think I need to resolve this for myself before surgery.

Thank you in advance!

Amanda

[Sandra3]

Hi Amanda!

That topic has been discussed many times, you can search it on to of the page "search the forums".

I would say only tell people you trust, and not many. That's what I did.
At the end one year later sometimes people ask, but that's pretty rare that people would have the audacity to say "how did you lose weight". That's still a personal subject.
Because I live overseas, a few friends I didn't see for a while got pretty shocked to see me smaller and they were concerned I was very sick again. So I did explain. But in one year I haven't been questioned a lot.

You don't need to explain or justify your choices. It's your life you decision. A few fellow sleevers here replied to questions saying that they were doing low carbs and more exercise, which is partially true. That's also a good way to handle it.

Don't sweat it too much, it's not worth it. What people think doesn't matter. What you do for your own health and future is what's important.
May be later on you will feel better to disclose it. May be not, and it's doesn't matter.
Take care!

[Fatbgone]

I am questioned often. My standard reply I am eating everything, just in much smaller portions. It is the truth and it seems to satisfy them.

[Kindle]

Before surgery I told my family and a few good friends. They were all nervous about the surgery part, but supportive in my decision to have surgery. Afterwards I got asked about my weight loss A LOT. Several times, every day for most of that first year. I see up to a dozen clients daily and at least half of them would inquire (small town, everyone knows everyone and no one is shy). A few people not bold enough to comment directly called my work partner at home, very concerned that I was ill, had cancer, etc.

Everyone is different about how much they want to share with others, but Personally I did not feel comfortable misleading people by telling them I lost weight just by excercising and diet. These are true, of course, but not the whole truth. No way could I have done this without surgery so that was my answer....." I had surgery, cut out carbs, eat a lot of protein and drink tons of water". That, of course, led to more questions about the surgery (I said no one was shy). Everyone has heard about bypass and Lapband, but not VSG, so that took some explaination. Honestly I got sick of explaining it so many times I was getting ready to have little cards printed up.

But now there are several hundred people out there with a better understanding of obesity, WLS and just how much work really is involved, even with surgery. I know of at least 3 people that have had WLS after talking to me. The other thing I found by telling everyone the truth is that it holds me accountable. So many people know someone that had WLS and gained everything back.....There's no way I am going to be that person. I am the success story they can share next time the subject comes up.

I'm not saying you have to share as much as I did, just letting you know how my experience went. Just do what you feel comfortable with. There are a lot of folks that have very judgemental friends, family and coworkers where telling can turn into a big hassle. But if you aren't going to tell, make sure what you do say is consistent and believable. You'd be surprised how many people will figure it out on their own.

[sraebaer]

I didn't tell anyone at first. However, when people see you drop a ton of weight in a short period of time they aren't going to believe that "I'm dieting and exercising" line. Who, besides people on the biggest loser, could lose that much that fast?

So after I lost all my weight, if people asked I told them the truth. I even inspired 2 people to have the surgery, one a total stranger, a sub at my school who I had lunch with. Now I think people knowing keeps my accountable. I don't want to be that person they gossip about who lost all their weight and gained it back.

[elle77]

You will know who you want to tell and who you don't want to tell. It's totally up to you. There are people that totally get it and others that don't. I only told a few people. I do say the truth which is I eat wayyyyyy less and I go to the gym. I also tell them the day I started the whole journey. Which for me was June of last year. Not my surgery date of November. After that they pretty much just go with it.

[Teresa5]

I understand how you feel . I had a gastric bypass in 2013 my family an friends were not nice about me having the surgery at all. Now I'm planning a GSV in July an I don't want anyone to know besides my husband. Don't know how I will deal with this.

[Ann2]

I didn't tell anyone -- other than my husband and two friends a thousand miles away -- in opposite directions. Didn't tell family, closer friends, or clients.

Two and a half years later I am so happy I kept my medical information to myself. I haven't had to deal a single time with anyone who thinks WLS is "the easy way out" or who wants to tell me about how "everybody who has that surgery gains their weight back, if they didn't die during the surgery."

I didn't have this surgery because I wanted to be a WLS missionary. I had it to become healthy myself. And part of my calculus about whether to tell or not involved how I wanted to shepherd my limited energy pre- and post-op.

Believe you me -- the second you tell a relative, they'll tell another relative, who'll tell their friends, who'll tell their church friends and co-workers.

Keep your biz to your self. That's my advice.

Best wishes.

[Christie13]

I personally told my immediate family and 4 close friends. That is it. I am 14 weeks out. I have a lot of people compliment me. I say I exercise, follow low carb, and replace some meals with protein shakes. All true. When I was out for surgery I told colleagues that I was getting hernia repair and ulcer removal. Both true....I just omitted the part where I had the sleeve. I find it happier this way. No having to explain myself. I also don't have to worry about anyone judging me. It is my personal choice. If I ever change my mind and feel comfortable disclosing, I will. At this point, I have people who I trust that know and I can talk to about it and that is enough for me. I hear a lot of people on here who told people who had bad reactions when they told people. They would hear lots of comments about getting too skinny....especially from overweight friends/family. My friends that I have told I trust completely and I know would never turn on me. They have been 100% supportive and I have no doubts in that.

[AmandaNavigator]

Yay! I got my insurance approval today! Have been cleaning out the kitchen of foods I won't be eating and taking all your suggestions re best practices. Thanks for all the advice on whether to disclose widely.

[Teresa5]

That's great congrad on getting approved

[Ann2]

It's possible your weight loss won't be as fast as you might imagine it will be. Mine certainly wasn't.

Pre-op (during 11 weeks) I lost 20 pounds on my own diet and the surgeon's pre-op diet. That averaged out to 1.8 pounds/week.

Post-op (over 37 weeks) I lost 66 pounds to reach my weight loss goal of 150. That also averaged out to 1.8 pounds/week.

So up to that point, I basically lost at "Weight Watcher speed."

Then over the next 36 weeks I lost another 15 pounds to reach my current weight of 135. That averaged out to less than half a pound a week.

And that's where I've stayed for over a year now -- 135 pounds.

And nobody has asked me if I had WLS. At this point, I can't imagine why they would.

[AmandaNavigator]

They were probably too distracted by your resemblance to Marilyn Monroe to question your figure Ann.

[Luna354]

I told my husband, one cousin (she had sleeve surgery two years ago), a friend that has the sleeve, and that's it. I didn't even tell my brother until a week after it was done. Now that makes 4 people that know. I didn't want anyone's opinions. I didn't want to hear it's the easy way out, you can diet and exercise or any of that. I am 1 month out, I've lost 36 pounds and 25 inches and only one person has commented to the effect of wow you look good what are you up to. I just said diet/exercise and that was the end of the conversation.

Who you tell is a personal decision. The one friend I told that is sleeved put it all on FB with video. He felt if he did that he couldn't back out. It's a different experience for everyone.

[Teresa5]

I'm not sure how others think but to me if you tell others yes your accountable but what if I fell? I don't know ...