Negativity

[Debra3]

This is my first post and I wanted to get feedback from everyone on how you deal with the negativity from others regarding your choice to pursue gastric sleeve. All I hear is "Mexico isn't safe" or "You aren't that fat". For once I wish someone would be supportive about what I want to achieve, and not always be so negative.

[Alycat]

I am going through the same BS as you. I am scheduled for surgery on the 22nd and I barely have any support. Aside from the negative comments about how dangerous the surgery is, I'm not "obese" when I'm technically "morbidly obese" and then on top of that, I am self pay so I have everyone telling me I should be spending the money on something more important. Like MY life isn't important? I have severe sleep apnea, chronic back and knee pain and am just so miserable with myself. I just want to be able to be excited and have someone be excited for me but that isn't happening anytime soon. I had my "food funeral" yesterday (Super Bowl Sunday) because I start my pre-op diet this Saturday. I'm starting to get really scared and have even questioned if I'm doing the right thing. I have 3 girls to think about and I've honestly been so scared that if I don't lose weight, I'm going to die and leave them. My doctor is very qualified and I was referred to him by at least 5 people including my OB/GYN. I'm just so exhausted mentally and physically. I've been going through the whole "clearance" process since last July and I'm finally cleared and I can see a light at the end of this never ending tunnel I've been in for so long. I just feel like I'll do so much better if I have people supporting me. All these Debbie Downers are making this whole experience so much more difficult.

[anderspv]

My brother told me I took the cheaters way out of loosing weight. I am now down 94 pounds in 5 months and have never heard 1 atta boy or wow you look great or wow how much weight have you lost. As long as my Wife and kids are supportive I am ok...... F- the rest of the world.......

[Debra3]

Glad to hear I am not the only one. Can I ask which Dr you both used? Did you go alone or have support?

[Christie13]

Ok...so this is absolutely why I only told people I trust and knew would be supportive. This included my immediate family and 4 very close friends. That is it. I did not want to hear all the crap that people spew. This is not an easy process to go through. Do we lose weight quickly? Absolutely. Is it easy? No. There are lots of rules we have to adhere to, eating is for survival and we can't just eat to enjoy food, we have to be smart and really think about what we put in our bodies, we have side affects that a lot of people could not deal with, and on top of that the stigma of weight loss surgery. I feel like the people who cannot be supportive just need to limit themselves in your lives. Like I said, I only told people I could trust. I have lots of people who ask me how I have lost so much weight. I tell them low carb diet, exercise, and replacing some meals with protein shakes. Is it true? Yes...I just may have omitted that I also had surgery. Not their business. And I had my surgery in the US but if did not have my insurance paying for most of it then I would have gone to Mexico in a heartbeat. Kudos to you all. This is not easy. Big hugs.

[ghost_ryder]

I only had one person with negative response when I told them. I had just listened to Reeger Cortell's when she said I should try the diet that she was on and how well it worked for her. By listening to the podcast, I had thought about of an answer. I told her that tried a diet like that and while it worked I eventually failed because of my addiction to food. I always gave in but once I could break the addiction/habits that her diet would be a great maintenance diet. She accepted that answer. The only other concerns came from my wife but as I was going through the whole program she realized it was more about education and life changes than it was about the surgery. The surgery was only a tool to make the life changes I needed to make to be hear for our new twin grandbabies.

In essence, don't out right tell people they are wrong. do like I do with my clients say yes but ....

[Alycat]

My surgery is 2 weeks from Wednesday. I can't believe it's finally here. I don't think my family thought I'd go through with it. As it got closer, and I kept getting cleared for all my appointments (Cardiologist, Pulmonologisy, Pshych, Nutrition, etc.) that's when they started realizing I was DEAD serious about doing it. When they complained about me having to self pay (my insurance company has a specific exclusion for all bariatric services) I told them I'd go to Mexico and they did NOT want me to go there so they started to take me a little more serious. But they're still harping on me because I'm paying almost $25k to have the surgery. So I get the "you could be using that money for something more important" which makes me feel like shit because I feel like they don't understand that this IS important. It's my health. I don't want to be on a CPAP machine for the rest of my life. I'm 44 years old. I've been miserable for pretty much the first half of my life. I turn 45 on July 4th and I decided I wanted to do this before I turn 45 so I can hopefully be healthier and happier for the last half of my life. I've always done what everyone wanted me to do. I'm finally doing something for ME. Because it's what I WANT. I knew there'd be haters but it makes me sad that some of them are my immediate family. I told my mother and my husband I don't want anyone coming to see me in the hospital. This is the beginning of a journey that most people don't understand unless they're in our shoes. I've literally begged for their support. I told them I can't do it without their support. So I get a lot of sideways comments about it but I don't care. This is MY life and MY health and MY money. That's why I come to this forum. I get all the support I need here!

[Sandra3]

Most people who are slim or slightly overweight don't understand anything about obesity.
Obesity is a disease and so far bariatric surgery is the only way to be able to lose weight and not regain it in a flash. Of course it's not easy, it does require discipline but from the outside people have no idea and call it "the easy way".

I was obese for 20 years, it started with my first pregnancy and gestational diabetes. But I was fighting my weight long before that and only maintained a "normal weight" for years because I was eating nothing, exercised a lot, and smoked! (how stupid, I have asthma!). My health has always been complicated and obesity is in my genes.

After years of research, diets after diets (I was always on a diet or at least 6 months per year in average) I decided to push it the best I could : one full year on a diet was my last chance before surgery : I regained 2/3 of the weight in a few months.
At that point I knew that fighting hunger all my life was not going to work, and the sleeve would be helping a lot because restriction would never allow me to eat like "before".
My husband was really scared and my surgeon suggested to bring him with me during a pre-op visit. They had a nice conversation and my husband understood better what I was trying to explain. It was a matter of life and death. But coming from my surgeon I think it was an outside point of view which was important and also my husband needed to be reassured I was not going to die on the table. My husband comes to almost all my visits now, to understand better what's going on and help if he can.

I've been lucky to have a supportive family (kids and hubby) and amazing friends but also faced some very nasty comments and gossips from my own mother. I actually didn't tell her anything, she overheard a conversation. Now I'm really careful with doors completely closed!

So just disclose to people you trust. It's easier that way.

I also considered several destinations to have my surgery, because I live in between several countries. I did consider Mexico. It is a good choice with qualified surgeons. People still talk about Mexico the way they did 20 years ago but things have changed. Again the issue here is a lack of knowledge.

I know I would have never reached retirement if I haven't gone through bariatric surgery. My health was getting worth every year. I have so many issues! but since surgery, a few already improved a lot.

We have only one life. Money is not an issue once you're dead. I was ready to pay out of pocket but at the end my insurance did refund me most of my bills. I was ready to spend that money on myself because I also have several children and they do need two parents. But anyway, each person is entitled to spend whatever she wants on herself if it's her own money!! We only have one life and we do the best we can with it.
Focus on yourself, don't pay attention to noise! where are going to be those people with great diet advice if you stay overweight and have a stoke or heart attack? Nowhere!

I just don't care about what people think. I didn't advertise about my surgery but when people ask and I can see they are concerned about me because of my health history, I do explain so they don't worry. I'm not ashamed. Neither should you. But there's no point either on trying to educate half the world about obesity. Focus your energy on yourself. When you will lose weight and feel better you will also have more energy to discuss the subject with more people. Now is probably not the right time.
Take care.

[Debra3]

Thanks to everyone for all the responses. I am so happy to have found this very supportive site. I am far from morbidly obese, I need to lose at least 35 lbs, which is why I get so much crap from everyone. But that 35lbs has affected my health, I have asthma now, sleep apnea, constant pain in my joints and just overall unhappy with the way I look. I am about to turn 47, the ripe age when women have strokes and heart attacks, I don't want to die. I want to live and I KNOW how much better my body felt with less weight. My thyroid was taken out 26 years ago and I do have issues with it, but keep it checked every 6 months. But I fail at every diet I try. I may lose some but it always comes back. I thought about the gastric balloon, however it has so many side effects that I really don't want to be miserable, I think the sleeve would be a great option for me. Again thanks to everyone for the advise.

[sraebaer]

Don't tell people. Do what's right for you and don't worry about them.

I have to admit, I would never go to Mexico for surgery, stay in a hotel instead of a hospital, but that's just my opinion. Most everyone here is thrilled with their experience in Mexico. So we all have different opinions. Stick with yours!

[Stacy619]

I thought I'd be open with everyone in my life but when I received negativity from a close friend (even though coming from a loving place), I've changed my thinking. I don't want to have to deal with defending my decision to prolong my life MY way. I did lots of research and am confident in my decision. Now, post surgery I don't know how I'll handle it because it may seem obvious with the rapid weight loss. But by then at least they won't have to fear the surgery itself and Mexico. Sraebaer, when I was researching I didn't see any surgeons that don't require at least one night in the hospital. Mine requires two inpatient followed by two at the hotel.

[sraebaer]

I thought I'd be open with everyone in my life but when I received negativity from a close friend (even though coming from a loving place), I've changed my thinking. I don't want to have to deal with defending my decision to prolong my life MY way. I did lots of research and am confident in my decision. Now, post surgery I don't know how I'll handle it because it may seem obvious with the rapid weight loss. But by then at least they won't have to fear the surgery itself and Mexico. Sraebaer, when I was researching I didn't see any surgeons that don't require at least one night in the hospital. Mine requires two inpatient followed by two at the hotel.

That's great! I only spent one night in the hospital in the states. See, maybe by bias is wrong!!

[Ann2]

Thanks to everyone for all the responses. I am so happy to have found this very supportive site. I am far from morbidly obese, I need to lose at least 35 lbs, which is why I get so much crap from everyone. But that 35lbs has affected my health, I have asthma now, sleep apnea, constant pain in my joints and just overall unhappy with the way I look. I am about to turn 47, the ripe age when women have strokes and heart attacks, I don't want to die. I want to live and I KNOW how much better my body felt with less weight. My thyroid was taken out 26 years ago and I do have issues with it, but keep it checked every 6 months. But I fail at every diet I try. I may lose some but it always comes back. I thought about the gastric balloon, however it has so many side effects that I really don't want to be miserable, I think the sleeve would be a great option for me. Again thanks to everyone for the advise.

Welcome to the internet where if you ask a question you'll get all kinds of responses. So here's mine.

I would not have had weight loss surgery to lose 35 pounds.

I'm also not sure I could find a bariatric surgeon in the U.S. to do WLS on me to lose 35 pounds. But I'm probably wrong about that.

[Debra3]

Ann2- the problem is I have tried to lose this weight for over 10 years. I have health issues that make it difficult for me to lose the weight. Just those 35 lbs has created me to have a bad case of sleep apnea, continuous asthma issues have me at the doctor's office often. These are only 2 of the issues I deal with. I struggle everyday to not get bigger, but this 35lbs (probably more like 50lbs, but I am not trying to be stick thin) will allow me to be healthier. But I do understand what you are saying, and I am just trying to look into different options.

[Ann2]

I hear you, Debra.

I assume you've studied up on possible complications and complication odds after WLS. So there's that -- which is why there are BMI standards for bariatric surgery done in the US (to balance the odds of the possible complications against the odds of achieving a better life post-op).

And although I don't know how tall you are, consider that there's a strong possibility you'll have a hard time not losing more like 60 pounds or even more (and not 35 pounds) after being sleeved. It's hard for someone who hasn't been sleeved yet to understand how that would happen. But with the great post-op reduction in ghrelin (hunger hormone) and the time it takes for the sleeve to heal (and swelling to go down) and the rapid weight loss rate of the "honeymoon phase" you could wind up fighting being underweight.

Just food for thought.

Best wishes to you!