Silly of Me

[JourneytoApril]

Hi folks. This is my first post so please cut me some slack. I'm in need of support because, for a few reasons (all of which seem crappy now), I decided to go through my VSG surgery alone. It's been much less than a breeze so maybe someone can relate or help quell these rather intense emotions I'm having. But first, some stats:
Age: 27
Height: 5'4"
HW: 353
SW: 319
CW: 311.8

My surgery was last Tuesday, December 20. The entire experience was pretty miserable. I remember being wheeled into the operating room but then the drugs started to kick in and I was out. I woke up in recovery in the worst pain of my life. I've had laparoscopic surgery before (to get my gall bladder removed in 2007) but the pain I was in doesn't even compare. To make matters worse, the nurse who was assigned to assist me had no interest in doing that. I was dry-heaving and coughing up bloody phlegm but she basically told me to lay back and try to relax. Um, dry heaving is uncontrollable, ma'm. I was also sweating because my blood pressure had spiked but in my drugged stupor the only thing I could do after she ignored my cries of "I'm hot!" was to start pulling off my hospital gown. Instead of helping me, she reprimanded me to stay covered but that didn't stop me from continuing to try and disrobe in an effort to cool down. Moments later and after a bit more scolding, she said "oh wow, you're sweating." Mmm, yes, pure genius you are. After some shots of pain medicine that didn't help much, she called to have me transported. Right as the young man arrived, I began dry heaving yet again and lost control of my bladder. While I was throwing up, I said "I'm peeing!". I thought she heard me but apparently not because when she went to tuck me in for the ride and again pull up my hospital gown, she said "you're wet!?!". It was just plain misery, folks...

Up in my hospital room, the pain was so damn intense. It wasn't just gas or discomfort. It was like nausea mixed with full-body trauma. Everything hurt. The nurses were all amazing and did their best to help me but it wasn't until I got a morphine pump that I began to rest. The morphine (which I could administer every 10 minutes) proceeded to make me nauseous before allowing me to sleep for 90 minutes or so. My sleep during the night was choppy and not at all relaxing. I was in pretty bad shape...

Fast forward to the next day, I had an Upper GI test in the morning and no leaks were found. I never got dehydrated or had a dry mouth. I'm not sure if it was because I was coughing up so much phlegm or what. I was also able to walk with someone's help to start moving some gas out but that was the extent of my contribution to the world. At some point, a technician came to test my blood sugar and it was low so I was given two medicine cups of apple juice. I was doing a pretty crappy job drinking anything because the pain was so intense that I just wanted to sleep. The next day, my potassium level dropped so I was given a drip for about 4 hours. The potassium proceeded to make my the area in my hand where the IV was very swollen. I couldn't catch a break.

The surgeon said it was up to me whether or not I wanted to stay for a 3rd night but I figured that because I was walking pretty well (albeit slowly) and because I was able to get some gas out, that I would manage fine at home. Wrong...so wrong.

It's been 7 days since surgery and I really just feel...bad. Physically and mentally. I was able to shower once and go for a walk down the street on day 5. I'm also doing a decent job getting liquids and protein in (haven't made it to 64 ounces yet but holding steady around 42) but I seem to be regressing otherwise. There is an intense stabbing/burning pain coming from the area near my largest incision (where they pulled the stomach out). I can touch and massage the incision with no problem (I have surgical glue on all 5 incisions) but it feels like an internal staple or stitch is ripping something inside me. I can't lift my right arm past my head and the pain is so intense that it's now reverberated around to my back and side. Basically, the left side of my body is on the mend but the right side isn't sure what to do. It's not just painful trying to get up and down; I can't stand up straight. I move around like the hunchback, holding my stomach, with tears streaming down my face.

Best part? I called my surgeon's office today to ask for stronger pain meds (whatever they prescribed makes me drowsy for about 15 minutes then wears off after 2 hours but I can only take it every 6) and was basically told to wait until my follow up appointment. I've spent all day crying, trying to figure out the best course of action. I finally got in touch with my primary care physician to see if she could assist and I'll be going to see someone in her office tomorrow morning. I'm worried about how I'll even put on clothes and get myself out of the house but I'm virtually immobile until this pain subsides.

Has anyone else dealt with this pain? Also, has anyone else tried to go through surgery alone and quickly realized they made a mistake?

I don't quite have buyer's remorse or regret just yet but I sure am finding it hard to smile. I'm also damn hungry. Like, I don't really know if its head hunger or what but I want to eat something of substance. I don't want to sabotage myself, especially not while I don't know what's going on inside with my new tummy, but I'm really surprised that I feel so famished. I thought the liquid diet would be easier after surgery because 80% of my stomach is gone but nope. Maybe it's normal? I started my pre-op liquid diet on 12/6 so it's been 21 days without any food. I know the pureed stage is just around the corner but I want some chicken and I want it now.

[ghost_ryder]

Wait it out, it gets better. I had intense pain after surgery for several different reasons. Mostly though, due to a nerve being clipped during the surgery. There are many unmapped nerves in your abdomen. That is likely the reason for your pain. My nerve finally healed right at 30 days but got progressively better during that time. I also had an Ileus, which is a paralyzed colon from the anesthetia given during surgery. That led to extreme dehydration and being re-hospitalized for 5 extra days. Work through the pain, it only helps.

Your follow up with the surgeon should be in the next day or so and that is to whom you should direct your questions. Just know that this is the worst you will feel and it gets better from here. You under went a traumatic surgery, give it time.