i want to cry

[sassy252]

how can people be so selfish. My husband wants me to have this and he sits and eats ,junk ,junk and more junk right beside me, not at the table right beside me

[zoey101]

You MUST have a heart to heart with him about this before you go through with it. If that doesn't work then I would strongly suggest going to a therapy session or a few before surgery so he can understand what this will do to you mentally. He needs to be understanding and compassionate during this process and if he can't do that for you then perhaps you have bigger issues that need to be examined. Support from the people you live with is a huge factor in success after this surgery. I really wish you the very best of luck with this and hope it all works out for you!!!!!!!!

[Aydensmomma]

The day after I got home from the hospital my hubby ordered my favorite pre sleeve meal, wings and pizza.
I was not happy.....I even posted about it here ;-)
I spoke to him and he pretty much said that while he supports me and will eat healthier with me I have to remember that we do have kids and there will be times where there gonna eat stuff I shouldn't, especially days (like that one) where there was no time to cook and so they order out.
Now I'm over a year out I can eat whatever they eat, just not as much.
But that was one time.....not him sitting next to me eating junk....are you sure he's ready for this? Is he overweight?
You are going to be around food that you can't have in the beginning. Food is everywhere. It's the center of gatherings. You need to be strong and remember that your doing this because YOU want to be healthier. Look better, feel better.
There will be times when you want the junk food, I know I did. I would have a bite, be disappointed because it wasn't as good as I remembered, or it made me sick, and moved on. You'll start to see that weight falling off and your hubby will start to see a happier, healthier you and maybe them he will try to join in.
You got this, and it will be worth it.

[Greatest decision ever!!!]

While it is nice to have close relatives support you on this journey, you also have to keep in mind that this is your decision only. In a way, they don't have to change because we change. It is only with time that they will slowly see our struggles and success, hopefully they will want to join in once they see how you are loosing the weight.
Just stay focused on your goals. Once you start seeing how good you look, you will ignore the little things! Trust me! I've been there!
Good luck!!

[mrtumnus]

You can't really expect others to limit themselves because you have decided to make a change. My husband is naturally thin and healthy and enjoys food. I would never take that away from him...I see it this way..I have to work on me. I did this (become huge) on my own through my choices...not the guy sitting next to me, the tv food ads etc. I did this to me. It is difficult to face and I go to counseling to understand my relationship with food.

[Pam G]

some husbands are buttheads....I know mine is....but that's just not nice.

Is your husband overweight? Maybe he's afraid of what will happen if he loses the 'old' you?

Definitely therapy time before you get the surgery, though, for both of you.

[ksleeve16]

My husband does this too, I talked to him and he tries to limit his snaking around me. When he is doing it and I want some I leave the room and go watch tv in our room or get on the internet for a while. I know how frustrating it can be, stay strong. You said your husband wants you to have this, do you want to have this? I see your surgery is 8 days away, I hope everything goes well for you

[WANAGL]

When I made the decision to go through with the surgery, I did it for me and my health. I had to face the fact that I did this to myself! I didn't expect my husband to change the way he was eating or living.
No expectations, no disappointments!
As it turned out, he saw how the pre-op diet was helping me lose weight and he joined in...to a degree. There are only 5 veggies he will eat, most are beans. He has pizza at least once a week. He's eaten ground turkey and he's OK with trading it in on ground beef. Same with chicken breast as opposed to chicken leg and thigh. We discuss menus and shopping. We make decisions together.
He's lost 35 lbs on his journey. I've lost 75 lbs on my journey (so far).
I don't depend on him for my journey, and he doesn't depend on me for his journey.
I've had to face some big chunks of truth about me (through therapy), and how I relate to food. Simple, not easy.
Best of luck as you continue your journey.
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE!

[Brandonf150]

3 weeks after surgery my wife and I go out to see a show. At first before we got there she told me she was drinking that night. Man I got mad. How could she do that she knows I love Ron White and it is killing me being sober! Inconsiderate... Then as we were walking in it hit me..While surgery was decided together ultimately it was my choice and it was up to ME to make it work..

I spent my night watching my favorite comedian while I was sober and buying my wife drinks all night!

See it dawned on me how dare I be so selfish to deny her a good evening because of desicions I made. It was my choice for surgery and the benefits would be ours. It is not right to force my wife to change her habits just because I must.

Now she has her drinking buddy back, or do I have mine, who knows. But, we both learned a few things since then.

[Merry Mary]

how can people be so selfish. My husband wants me to have this and he sits and eats ,junk ,junk and more junk right beside me, not at the table right beside me

Are you having surgery only because your husband wants you to have it? If so, then I don't think you should have the surgery. You are the one that has to want the surgery. Don't do it because someone else wants you to. If you want it then don't let anyone else's actions dictate how you react to what they do. You can't control anyone else but you can control how you react to what they are doing. Best of luck

[JustKelly]

Just try to be strong! I know it's hard but we are only hurting ourselves and I say this cause I had to learn how to deal with this and be around it! Find the strength within yourself! It's there n you can do it!

[Belle2]

I read all the comments above and hear a lot of truth in all of it.

Here is my contribution to the conversation. I have lost 80 pounds at 11 months out. My husband needs to lose about 70 pounds. We gained weight together after we were married 8 years ago. We have both battled the bulge hear and there throughout our lives but definitely reached our highest weigh together. I was sleeved June of 2015 and my husband has been very supportive. He wants to lose weight but does not want surgery. We have talked about it and I would never push him into anything. He is not willing to give up beer and we all know that we have to give up carbonation. His diets don't last very long. He is not active enough but is tired all the time. I so want him to lose weight but I don't know what it's going to take. He went on a very restrictive diet for a few days and then went off. Instead of drinking one drink with dinner, he drank two large drafts. It kind of made me envious. I wanted to guzzle some drinks. I also resented that I was so supportive of him and then he went over the top. When we were having dinner he mentioned to his daughter how hard it was when other people are eating or drinking something that entices him. I said that sometimes you just have to say no. She shook her head and said yes, you are right. Long story short, we have to be responsible for ourselves. We have to be responsible for what we put in our mouths. WLS has given me the tool I need, and I'm not going to blow it this time. While I appreciate him not bringing junk food in the house and helping me make healthy choices, it is ultimately up to me. I hope this makes sense. It's so late and my thoughts are scrambled.

[Mbenson5]

My husband does this too, I talked to him and he tries to limit his snaking around me. When he is doing it and I want some I leave the room and go watch tv in our room or get on the internet for a while. I know how frustrating it can be, stay strong. You said your husband wants you to have this, do you want to have this? I see your surgery is 8 days away, I hope everything goes well for you

I couldn't have said this better myself! It sounds like you are being talked into it, but your heart isn't in it. If not, don't do it because you won't be committed to making the changes you need to. My husband could not have stood in my way, because it was totally MY decision and I own it. I hope you decide this for yourself. It takes everything you have some days. Take care!