How do I do this when my husband is not supporting me?

[FatFloridagirl]

I am considering the sleeve procedure. I have been a classic yo-yo dieter all my life. At one point, I went to a weight loss clinic and lost almost 50 pounds. This was before I went through menopause. I'm now 48. My husband does not support my decision to have this procedure yet, and I haven't even told my parents because I'm afraid they won't support it either, even though I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and have issues with hypoglycemia. Diabetes runs in both sides of my family. I know I can't do this without my family's support, but the more research I do on this, the more I think it may be right for me. Any suggestions? Thanks.
FatFloridagirl (who is sick of being fat)

[mrtumnus]

You have to make a choice for you! You also must be prepared of the consequences..some marriages have broken up because spouses cannot handle the new, confident you. Some marriages have gotten stronger as well. Your parents and spouse are not you...you have to adult this one!

[rtbdds]

If this helps any...... I was in the SAME predicament as you are in now (minus the husband). Afraid of what my parents, family and friends would say or think. I was so tired of going up and down in my weight (mostly up), HBP, borderline diabetic, chronic knee pain, back pain, all of that!! I had to make a decision for ME. What I did......I made arrangements on my own and just did it! I went to Mexico and told no one (just the two people that were the most supportive of me doing it). Both of them had International procedures done before and knew what I was going through. It's been 14 days post-op and my parents and family still don't know. I've been back-and-forth on how to tell them but I know, somehow the words will find themselves. Anyway, the deed is done and I feel as if I'm on my way to a happier, healthier life for ME. I know it's tough, but you have to do what works for you ultimately.

[Ann2]

Welcome to a community of people who, by many different routes, reached the point where they said:

"I've finally reached bottom. I am so unhealthy and so appalled about my future prospects that I'm finally taking responsibility for my health. Nobody else is responsible for it but me. For too long, I've put everything and everyone else before me. It's my turn now."

Very best to you.

[RehabNurse]

I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and have issues with hypoglycemia. Diabetes runs in both sides of my family.

Look at the situation from a future-oriented angle if you do nothing:

1. Will your husband support you by driving you to the dialysis center three times a week, every single week? This is what happens to many people with blood pressure problems. The lack of perfusion kills off the kidneys.

2. Will your husband support you during those scary times when you clutch your chest because you are having an episode of chest pain? Angina pectoris (chest pain) is common in overweight people with high cholesterol.

3. Will your husband support you by pushing you around in a wheelchair because one of your feet has been surgically removed? Foot and limb amputations are increasingly common in those who develop uncontrolled diabetes.

Your husband can think of the ugly future that is to come if your health continues to decline. He can also choose to support you right now, in the here and now, in your journey toward a healthier life. If he is unwilling to support you now, you need to do whatever you've gotta do to avoid the ugly future of obesity-related diseases.

Weight loss surgery is the only effective longstanding tool in the battle against obesity. Remember this, and good luck to you.

[rtbdds]

Ann2, that was deep. I'm literally in tears over here. Thanks for that.....

[jaimaroo]

I knew this was the right choice for me because I woke up one day and I decided that I was going to do this. I didn't want other peoples thoughts or opinions. I did my research, my soul search, and my financial search....and I made a choice. I wanted to live. I wanted to be proud of me. Others could accept it or not, but I was doing this.
If you believe this is your route to good health...the people that love you will join you. It just might take them some time and some education, but please take your health and well being into your own hands.

[missbybee]

He might just be scared of what could happen if there were complications. My husband was against it too.... at first. Do your research, then sit him down for a serious conversation and spill your guts to him on how much you want/need this surgery. I think once you show him that it's a safe procedure with very low complication rates, he will be more supportive and understanding.

[Sarcastic_Bard]

My husband was against it at first because he was terrified about me having surgery and not recovering. He went with me to the surgery seminar, and started going with me to my support group meetings, and realized how having this surgery would not shorten my life, but give us several more years together. He was also a little worried about being left behind as I got healthier and didn't need his help as much. I made sure he was a part of the whole plan, and as I get healthier and need less help, I ask him to help me in other ways; working out with me, walking with me, reminding me to eat, checking in to make sure I got enough protein in on days when I'm super busy and may forget to eat. I make sure to include him in this journey, and he's made some changes himself along the way to get healthier. It has worked out well.

Now all that being said, if he had stayed unsupportive, I still would have gotten the surgery. No one has the right to demand I keep my life expectancy short to make their lives easier, husband, family, friend, or no. This is my body, my life, and I will do whatever work it takes to keep it healthy, happy, and long lasting. If I hadn't eventually gotten support at home, I would have stopped talking about it with him beyond the necessities, planned and did what it took to get approved, gone to support groups, and made new supportive friends to share the journey with me. Would it have been hard? Would it have kind of sucked not to have my husband support me? Of course. But I can't stress how much you are worth it. You are worth having a healthy body. You are worth having as many years on this planet as you can get. Your life is worth so much more than disapproving comments and naysayings. And you will find your support, be it from spouse and family who come around, or friends and health professionals. Whatever happens, you will not be alone.

[FatFloridagirl]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and for sharing your experience. I think he's mostly scared of this not working for me, as we have heard of so many people that have had failed lap band and gastric bypass surgery.

[Ann2]

Let me chime in once again to say that being successful with WLS really does take a big commitment for the rest of your life.

Do you feel like you understand what's required of you to be successful? Do you know how you need to change your lifestyle permanently -- eating, supplements, exercise, etc.? Do you have psychological or emotional challenges that would keep you from being successful and that you need the support of a therapist to conquer?

[Sandra3]

For many reasons, my husband was also against at first, especially because he was scared I was not going to make it, I have an history of being really sick with anesthesia. I spoke with my surgeon, he told me to come with him for my next appointment. My surgeon did explain how that simple surgery could save my life, because the future as an obese is not simple and full of sickness and the worth : an early death! The most important is understand why he is against it: then you can organize a plan of action. Good luck and take care!

[FatFloridagirl]

Yes, I do believe I know how my eating habits and life style will need to change. In fact, it scares the hell out me. I have an illicit love affair with food! I love food! I am also very much an emotional eater. I may also have a binge eating disorder. I hide food. I snack in secret. Failure is my biggest fear for having this surgery. But als . What if I hate the way I have to eat for the rest of my life? I know that if I don't make positive changes, being over weight and unhealthy will cut my life short. But I have fought this all my life. I definitely need help from a therapist.

[Beautiful]

My husband was very much against me having this surgery ,my daughters don't know that I did this . nobody knows but my husband and cousin , in passed conversation everyone was negative so I told nobody .well I did and do have a complication and my husband still has not said " I told you so " he is pappering me . but I am embarrassed that my surgery caused this complication and the hell im putting myself and husband through. hopefully this too will pass.

[FatFloridagirl]

May I ask what the complication is ?