I lost my emotional crutch

[Belle2]

I have recently come aware of wanting to medicate myself with food. I am not really asking for answers. I believe I have them, but it doesn't make it any easier. I am 59 and gained weight when I was 40. I started the diet roller coaster and stayed on it for 19 years. I had my surgery July 29th. Since then I have done well with emotional eating. I have had major depression since I can remember. I take anti-depressants and anxiety meds. I have become very aware of my self destructive behavior with food. Frankly, without this surgery giving me such great results, I think I would have given in and pigged out by now.

I can't change my meds. Every time I do, I have a terrible reaction and end up in the hospital. I know that the medications I am on, are keeping me from going over the edge. That has to be good enough. I'm not willing to try anything else, and cause a set-back. There will always be these times, when I will have to just accept it. I am allowing myself to have a few bad days, without turning to food. This in itself is success.

I'm learning about the value of life. Sometimes I feel ripped off. Depression is such a curse. No one know unless they have truly been clinically diagnosed. Here I have this amazing new body, a new lease on life, yet the monkey is still on my back. The deep dark hole still exists. I am trying to keep from falling into it again. The refrigerator and pantry are not my friend.

[thicknsweet]

Depression is a curse. I don't have it, but I've seen it in my own family and know that the struggle is real. And mental healthcare in this country is a joke. Do what works for you, don't go off the meds or change them. It's good that you're noticing your crutch. Good luck!

[Belle2]

Thanks Thicknsweet. Yes, it is paralyzing.

[imsexy1386]

I have recently come aware of wanting to medicate myself with food. I am not really asking for answers. I believe I have them, but it doesn't make it any easier. I am 59 and gained weight when I was 40. I started the diet roller coaster and stayed on it for 19 years. I had my surgery July 29th. Since then I have done well with emotional eating. I have had major depression since I can remember. I take anti-depressants and anxiety meds. I have become very aware of my self destructive behavior with food. Frankly, without this surgery giving me such great results, I think I would have given in and pigged out by now.

I can't change my meds. Every time I do, I have a terrible reaction and end up in the hospital. I know that the medications I am on, are keeping me from going over the edge. That has to be good enough. I'm not willing to try anything else, and cause a set-back. There will always be these times, when I will have to just accept it. I am allowing myself to have a few bad days, without turning to food. This in itself is success.

I'm learning about the value of life. Sometimes I feel ripped off. Depression is such a curse. No one know unless they have truly been clinically diagnosed. Here I have this amazing new body, a new lease on life, yet the monkey is still on my back. The deep dark hole still exists. I am trying to keep from falling into it again. The refrigerator and pantry are not my friend.

I am also having the same problem as you hope every thing goes well for your. Good wishes.

[Belle2]

I'm sorry to hear that Imsexy. I know what you're going through.

[MargeB]

I gave up alcohol 22 years ago. I quit smoking 2 and a half years ago. I gave up caffeine to get ready for the surgery. Now I've given up food, which was my last comfort.

Antidepressants help, but if you are clinically depressed, like we are, you are going to have bad days. It's the nature of the beast. During those times, I just have to remind myself that it WILL pass, that I WILL feel better. We have a new chain of massage places here - I joined, and treat myself when things get really bad.

Just hang in there. You've got this, even if you have to hang out in bed binge watching bad television a day or two a week

[Belle2]

I'm chair binging Marge. lol I've been here 3 days and haven't left the house. I have done some laundry and cooked some sockeye salmon last night for dinner. I got up this morning and lost 2 pounds. That helped.

[jaimaroo]

I also understand how you feel. It isn't fun, and I always get upset when people say...well just choose to be happy. You obviously don't get it if that is your response! Or...you are a new person, focus on that. Yeah, I try.
Just do yourself a big favor and don't keep those emotional food triggers in your house. If you have to go somewhere to get them...you won't do it!
I am sorry that you are going through this. I know this moment will pass and you will continue on in great ways.

[Belle2]

Thanks Jaimaroo. I know it will pass, hopefully soon. I spent another day in my chair watching television and sleeping off and on. I don't keep junk in the house. I think if I was able to get dressed, I would go get something. I guess it's a good thing I don't feel well enough to go.

If anyone tells me to just suck it up, I get so angry. I have wasted so many years of my life with depression. It pisses me off that depression takes even one day of life away.

[Muted_Tummy]

hey, awareness is a major step. Just be on the look out for replacement addiction. Many WLS peeps replace food with another addiction. Do you see a therapist? For the first time in my life, I started seeing one last fall to help me decide if WLS was right for me (talk it out with someone neutral)...it's been a BIG help. What's your exercise routine like? True story...endorphins.

Fight the black hole and reach out for help when you can't. *hugs*

[Belle2]

I have been seeing a psychiatrist for decades. I have been in and out of talk therapy through the years, but not currently doing that. I've thought about going again. Exercise is definitely a problem right now. I live in Ohio and we have many days with grey skies. I feel so much better when the sun shines. I have an exercise bike in the house, but haven't been using it. I really want to get outside to walk and take care of my flowers. I'd be happy to sit in the garage and watch the cars go by, if it was warm enough. It's just been a very emotional week. My dad has alzheimers and I went to see him on Saturday. He looked into my eyes and sang Oh What A Beautiful Morning to me. Tears started rolling down his face. It made me feel sad that he is so old. Then my cousin died of cancer. I went to the funeral home today. Another cousin is in hospice right now. All that and some other stuff just hit me in the gut all at once. Thanks for the advice and concern.

[cathbas]

i am sorry belle..our family has been thru this (mom daughter, me..etc) and all i have is that each day is a new day...may you have a new day..where the sun shines...