I am new here and this issue is the main reason I'm here. I'm 25. I'm pre-op I reached weigh in today and they will submit to my insurance and I should be able to schedule a date before December. They are scheduling into December at the moment so my surgery will most likely be mid to late December. I just decided on the sleeve but through my pre op journey I was set on the bypass. I changed my mind recently. The issue is that when trying to reach the weight they wanted me at I hit a plateau and decided that I was going to just be bulimic until I reached the right now. I started b/ping in august. Nobody knows. Everyone thinks that I hit goal weight the right way (diet, exercise). Here's the thing. I stopped today. But I'm afraid that bulimia will kill me while I'm on the surgery table. I have been pre op since January so it's been almost a full year. Everyone has been so supportive and my mother has gone out of her way to get me to all my far away appointments since I don't drive and live an hour away from the hospital I'm getting my surgery. I don't want to let anyone down. But there was so much pressure to get to this stupid weight before surgery and so I caved under the pressure and I'm afraid it's going to cost me my life. I'm afraid that even if I now go on a healthy diet and try to kind of make up for the bulimia it's too late. I'm going to die in surgery and the complication is going to be from my pre op bulimia choice. I just really hate myself right now because I have so much anxiety and it's all my fault. It all made since in my head. I plateaued, i threw up everything I ate, I lost weight again and continued to lose weight, then get on a healthy diet before surgery to make sure my body can handle it. I've looked online for answers but no clear answers. I just want to know if I'm safe/not safe. I know bulimia's harm on the body, I know it's bad, I know I shouldn't have done it. I'm not looking for a mommy or a daddy. I'm looking for a clear answer. Some kind of peace of mind.
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