Doing great and not so great! Anyone else go through similar?

**Andy04** · 05-26-2015 01:16 PM

Hi guys, haven't checked in a while. My weight loss is going really well. The sleeve has really been a miracle for me. The last 2 weeks I've probably not eaten the right things due to some stress I'll mention below however the sleeve Doesn't let me eat out of control which is an important tool as you all know when us food addicts get faced with challenges. There was one week I put on 2 lbs. that's gone now and I'm at my lowest I've been in years.. 267!!!

Now the tough part that I touched in a few months ago. I'm a divorced father of 3. I have shared custody of my 3 daughters (8,6,4)..
I met a wonderful woman 10 years younger than me (she's 28) and she has accepted me at my heaviest and in my darker days-- after divorce and being unfit and decision to go ahead with this surgery. I always felt like the surgery woukdnt align everything up for me. However I started to feel this inner pressure that I wouldnt be able to offer her everything she deserved and everything we planned for the future. I'm not sure if this transition from having no self esteem to feeling better about life as a whole got in the way but 3 days ago I let her go. I still feel like I made the right decision at the time because I felt at a crossroads. And I realize its fresh and probably normal to want to go back. But I can't help but think I'm crazy to not take her back. We have same values, same interests , she's a good person and a wonderful step mom to my girls. How long do I wait to give myself time to make sure she's the one.

I know this isn't a relationship forum but I've found so many great tips on here and figured maybe I'd get some insight from people who've gone through the surgery and possible relationship issues.
Thanks
Andrew

**Midas** · 05-26-2015 01:58 PM

Wish I had the answers for you, Andy. My first thought is that if you let her go, she's not the one. Congrats on your weight loss success!

**Andy04** · 05-26-2015 02:08 PM

Possibly , and maybe I needed to lose her to truly know what I had. Only time will tell

**TammyG6042** · 05-26-2015 03:00 PM

I think if you are questioning if you made the right choice then you shouldn't have let her go...you mentioned a lo of good things about her and NO bad things...life is so short and having someone who aligns with your values and treats your children well is hard to come by...believe me I have picked some really BAD ones lately and look back to my x husband and wonder why I ever left...If I were you I would seriously reconsider...there are a whole lot of really messed up people out there and starting over in a new relationship is hard...the grass never is greener once you get to the other side...just my two cents...good luck with whatever you decide to do!

**SkinnyBitchToBe** · 05-26-2015 04:24 PM

If you take her back, will she be a girlfriend or are you afraid you will jump into marriage. If you are able to control your relationship and have her as a friend or girlfriend, why punish yourself by giving up someone you care about. Couples therapy can also be helpful in the future. Best of luck, & I understand the self esteem issues, I never thought I deserved much happiness myself.

**Katrina** · 05-26-2015 05:17 PM

I remember you mentioning before not thinking she was the right one but that she was a good woman and good to your kids. You've let her go now. Don't be an asshole and break her heart again out of your own selfish indecisiveness. That's what makes good women become bitter women. Sounds like you need to take some time on your own to figure out who you are and what you want to avoid the possibility of breaking her heart again.

**Andy04** · 05-26-2015 05:28 PM

Thank you all for the advice. I realize I have some soul searching to do and the selfish thing would be to jump back in right away and fall Into the same feelings again. I know need time and if I do go back and she's gone then I'll know she wasn't the one. I know it'd be very unfair to drag her along again until I'd be 100 pct sure . She's heartbroken now and so am I but time will tell. If it's meant to be , I have to trust we'll find each other again. No matter what I needed to do this for whatever reason, I just don't know the reason yet.
Tks again

**Ann2** · 05-26-2015 05:31 PM

So explain one more time: WHY did you let her go?

I didn't understand that bit.

**Andy04** · 05-26-2015 05:59 PM

Yes sorry, I've been kind of vague. I'll give you my breakdown. Wife of 11 years (18 total)eft me 2 years ago (she was having affair)Complete blindside . I consider myself a decent guy with flaws of course but no major character flaws. I was a mess for the first 7-8 months. Starting coming around then met my girlfriend 3-4 months later. We hit it off. Similar interests, values, she's great with my 3 girls . She wants kids of her own and I was ok with that . Then as time went on, decision to have surgery then transition to post sleeve etc, I started getting 2nd thoughts about my future -- combination maybe of not knowing anything other than my ex wife and then my current gf and thinking holy cow this it and maybe afraid of fully commiting so long story long lol, I subconsciously started distancing myself and putting up a wall. She of course felt it . So my indeciveness was dragging her down and made it tough mentally on both of us. I decided to end it on basis that maybe I needed time to figure things out and didn't want to drag her along .
I miss her already and miss what she brought to the table.

**Connie70** · 05-26-2015 07:02 PM

This surgery is life changing not in just a physical sense. Our emotions are so up and down. I would recommend not making any rash decisions while you are on your journey. You have already made this decision though. This women has been good to you and your kids, let her go if you feel she's not the one. Best decision for both of you.