Struggling

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Good day. Please call me Jin. It's not my real name, but who uses those nowadays anyway. In all other respects, my posts and comments shall be heartfelt and sincere.

I needed to do this. I have just had my surgery. I was about 390 lbs. at my heaviest, possibly more. I am 47 years old. Far too young to feel as old as I do. It was now or never. Like Andy Dufresne said, "Get busy living or get busy dying." I got so depressed that I nearly tried the cowards way. Now, I am trying it this way...

I lost about 25 lbs. pre-surgery following dieticians' advice. Ketosis was a farce: I peed on the sticks for three weeks, ranging from pink to magenta, but my liver did not shrink. Regardless, my surgeon performed the surgery laparoscopically and with minimal complications. Though he was very careful to complain to me about how dangerous it had been and to question whether or not I was prepared to make the necessary changes needed to support his work. I won't discuss my reply - it would get flagged for inappropriate content.

At my last weigh-in, 4/2/2015, I was 334 lbs. I guess that's good. He didn't say. He prescribed antibiotics - I'm guessing he didn't like the way my incisions were healing, but, he didn't say anything. He said he wants me to walk 2 miles a day. I explained that I was in pain, my knees and ankles, and having difficulty getting that far. I wanted start taking Aleve again, but he vetoed that and prescribed a different painkiller. I was permitted back to work starting on 4/6/2015. Scheduled for follow-up in a month, I left.

I'm very upset. I'm angry and confused. I've been on anti-depressants since 2009, but I've been told I can't take them now. The pain reliever he prescribed in a narcotic. How am I supposed to go to work while taking a narcotic? I am supposed to puree food now, but I can't take that, so I am continuing with the protein shakes. Otherwise, I really don't care to eat. Some yogurt and broth, maybe, but that's about it. I am starting to wonder if I made a mistake....

[Ann2]

Hi, Jin.

Are you in counseling / therapy at the moment? If not, I would urge you to consider that. Based only on my interpretation of your single post above (NOT a lot to go on, I'll admit), you're working through some significant physical issues and some big emotions. That's not so unusual. However, it does seem like you're not feeling well supported by your surgeon at the moment. (I'm not judging you or him -- just interpreting from your single post above.)

You're certainly losing weight really well -- 24 pounds pre-op and 31 pounds post-op (in 24 days). So that's going well.

I don't understand why you can't continue to take your antidepressants. Lots of people post-op continue their antidepressant meds. Just ask around here.

I do understand that we can't continue to take NSAIDs post-op on a daily basis. That's not good for our remaining, small, still-healing tummies.

It's impossible to judge another person's pain levels. And you can only walk as far as you can walk. So walk as you can. As you lose weight, you'll be able to walk more. My own experience has been that my own arthritis pain has diminished so much I simply don't have any more pain. And I'm a doddering old 69 years old. (Well, not really -- 69, yeah, but doddering now ... not so much.)

Sounds to me like you and your surgeon have just gotten off on a bad footing. Try to use all your emotional intelligence (come on, I know you got some!) and don't go to war with your surgeon. It's just wasted energy. And you should try to build a better relationship.

So ... buck up and breathe deeply. And then let it out slowly. No, you didn't make a mistake. You're just going through a LOT of changes right now.

Oh ... and all that fat you're shedding now is full of old hormones that's making you a little bit nuts right now. Whether it's estrogen or progesterone or testosterone or all three ... that's not helping your nerves right now at all.

But that will pass.

In fact, all this shit passes.

Unless you're constipated too ... in which case, take some Miralax.

[PITSTOP]

Ther first few days were rough for me but it did get better after that. From the looks of your ticker, your doing great with the weight loss. I hope they find something you can take for the pain and wont effect you at work and Im sorry you're having second thoughts. Your still at the beginning of your journey and have to give it time for everything to work itself out. Its a lot of changes going on at once and it takes awhile to wrap your head around it. Im 3 months out and stil have WTF? moments. Dont give up, this the the beginning of the new healthier you!

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Oh my goodness! Your reply just made me laugh out loud. What do you mean my post was not alot to go on? I was spewing! And I haven't been spewing coherently, lately - here, I thought I'd done rather well.

Thank you for mentioning counseling - I just made an appointment! I have also just left a message with my psychiatrist about my meds. You are quite right about not going to war with my surgeon. I am just so ANGRY! But, now I am curious....there are hormones in my fat? What? I've never heard this before. And thank you for the encouragement - just this little bit helped a lot.

[mem222]

Oh, please don't be angry, your emotions are getting the better of you. You've done the right thing by writing about it. I completely understand your reaction to someone who tells you to walk 2 miles when you have pain from real physical problems!!!!!!! Just walk as much as you can, try for a little more each day if you can. Believe me, as you lose the weight, it will get better. I have heel spurs/plantar fasciitis and really have to be aware of overdoing it. if I get a flare up it could be months of pain! I take anti-depressants and NEVER stopped taking them, that is reckless for the Dr. to tell you that. I had to crush them at first but now I swallow them whole. Taking all my meds at first crushed was AWFUL, I dreaded it, believe me. it was easy when I mixed it in muscle milk or Premier protein chocolate drink. I think all surgeons should talk to the Dr. who prescribes the psych meds and come up with a solution.
LOOK AT YOUR PROGRESS! AMAZING! And the best part of it is that it will continue! As you lose more you might find that one day this doesn't hurt as much or that doesn't hurt as much. It is exciting!
If you want to know more about the antibiotic, call the office, you can ask a nurse or ask to speak with the Dr. He should've explained why he prescribes something!
Are you in pain that you need a narcotic or did he give it to you so that you can exercise?
I feel terrible that you are feeling so badly, please feel free to Private Message me anytime!
I know what it is like to have a Surgeon who goes through the motions and doesn't want to listen! (don't get me wrong, he did an amazing job and I had no problems whatsoever)
Take care of yourself

[mem222]

Oh and yes, your hormones are on a roller coaster, and you're going through withdrawl from your meds - not a good combo. I hope your psych gives your surgeon a piece of his mind!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jerzeygirl]

Jin, first of all, good luck on this awesome journey, and believe me; it's amazing what transformations you'll go through. It's very difficult in the beginning, but it sounds like you're dealing with lots of "heavy" (no pun intended) emotions for a while before surgery. Surgery doesn't "cancel out the old emotions" and really brings out new emotions, therefore; counseling is very helpful As far as the medical aspects you discussed, perhaps a good primary can help you along with them as many might arise. I found the surgeon, whom I admire and respect, was done with things as soon as the surgery and post-op appointments were completed (many of them are like that in my opinion My primary was the main resource for guiding me to better health afterwards, i.e., bloodwork, tests, etc. The pain medicine might not make you feel like you can't function, and it's better to start back to a "normal" routine ASAP. I'm here to tell you it's difficult in the beginning, both physically and surprisingly emotionally even more difficult; but it's so worth it in the end. You already have a great attitude and know this is your "greatest opportunity" at a better lifestyle; just take one day at a time and breathe deeply. As you see the positive changes, and begin to feel better; you'll be amazed!! Continued success.

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Jin, first of all, good luck on this awesome journey, and believe me; it's amazing what transformations you'll go through. It's very difficult in the beginning, but it sounds like you're dealing with lots of "heavy" (no pun intended) emotions for a while before surgery. Surgery doesn't "cancel out the old emotions" and really brings out new emotions, therefore; counseling is very helpful As far as the medical aspects you discussed, perhaps a good primary can help you along with them as many might arise. I found the surgeon, whom I admire and respect, was done with things as soon as the surgery and post-op appointments were completed (many of them are like that in my opinion My primary was the main resource for guiding me to better health afterwards, i.e., bloodwork, tests, etc. The pain medicine might not make you feel like you can't function, and it's better to start back to a "normal" routine ASAP. I'm here to tell you it's difficult in the beginning, both physically and surprisingly emotionally even more difficult; but it's so worth it in the end. You already have a great attitude and know this is your "greatest opportunity" at a better lifestyle; just take one day at a time and breathe deeply. As you see the positive changes, and begin to feel better; you'll be amazed!! Continued success.

Thank you very much, Jerzeygirl!! I mean that! Encouragement is flooding in. PHone calls and this thread are helping me to pull it together. It has been a rollercoaster of a day, I can tell you! Thank you very very much!

[Kimmie3]

Your emotions will be everywhere!!!! I had to change a medication I had been on for 4 years. It is a struggle now, BUT in the long run, you are going to be SO SUPER HAPPY ... Hang in there!

When I go to visit my mother, she has SO much FOOD EVERYWHERE and everything is ALWAYS about FOOD!

You got this ... WE got this!

[ANNETTE2015]

Jin, I am so glad you found this group! Everyone here has been nothing but supportive and encouraging and whenever an issue arises, someone out there is able to help and respond. You are on the right track. My surgery is 7 days from today so I cannot offer much advice about any of that. I do know that having had severe depression, what worked for me was getting into a therapist (which you've just made the appointment for!!) and any amount of exercise you can do. I was able to stop my depression medication altogether because I just found that exercise worked for me. It wasn't an overnight thing by any means, but exercise is great for a lot of things. While you may not be able to walk far right now, do what you can. Count your steps, or walk to the length of two songs, next week make it three songs- do whatever works for you! And continue to vent with us whenever you need! You're going to do just great!!! And CONGRATS on that HUGE weight loss so far! You're heading the right direction :-)

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Annette, I think I just fell in love with you!

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Your emotions will be everywhere!!!! I had to change a medication I had been on for 4 years. It is a struggle now, BUT in the long run, you are going to be SO SUPER HAPPY ... Hang in there!

When I go to visit my mother, she has SO much FOOD EVERYWHERE and everything is ALWAYS about FOOD!

You got this ... WE got this!

Thank you, Kimmie!!

You are right! FooD IS everywhere! I live with my sister and my mother. Something is cooking ALL the time! I hate it! I really want to move out - and someday I will. For now I just need to heed your advice and HANG IN THERE! I do fear for my proverbial rope, though - it looks very shredded and is making apoplectic twanging noises. Perhaps I will purchase a grappling hook?

[ANNETTE2015]

Haha!! You are too sweet! We are all here to help, even those of us who haven't a freakin' clue what being sleeved is like yet *LOL* More than happy to listen/dole out advice/kick you in the ass if you need it :-)

[Jinoshio.Sote]

Haha!! You are too sweet! We are all here to help, even those of us who haven't a freakin' clue what being sleeved is like yet *LOL* More than happy to listen/dole out advice/kick you in the ass if you need it :-)

ROTFLMAO!! Feel free to kick me in the ass anytime!! I'm sure I need it! I don't get nearly enough love! HAHA!

[lil_lisa]

it is true, there is alot of estrogen in the fat cells and when you lose the fat it is released causing your emotions to go out of control at times. You should be able to take anti depressants, all that need them here take them. If that doctor doesn't work out maybe another doctor at the office can help you? If not, just do what I did and go if you have to for blood results, then walk out and do your own thing, good luck. Just do the best you can. Perhaps water aerobics or chair dancing exercise would work for you?