Please Help damned if i do and damned if i don't!!!!!!!

**Ronnie** · 09-19-2011 06:53 AM

So sorry. Like Connie, I did not see that.

**Shugaplum** · 09-19-2011 08:32 AM

ok, if you post it on a public board, you have to expect judgement. I'm sorry, but you put it out there for comments, and you got them! you have to what is right for you...abortion is not right for me. I AM sorry for your loss.

**jane_vsg_ayla** · 09-19-2011 08:10 PM

Oh I am so sorry for you

You were faced with a difficult, painful, gut-wrenching decision... In the end you didnt have to go through with either decision, but I am sure "relief" is the last thing on your mind and heart right now. What a roller coaster of emotions the last few weeks must have been... and this isnt really going to stop that, it will add a few more hills to it.

I hope you take some time for yourself to sort out your feelings and come to terms with both what you might have decided and what might have been. Pregnancy, miscarriage, and surgery are 3 major life events and to go through them all in such a short time is just more than I think we were meant to handle. Dont rush into the surgery - if you need more time to get through this part, take it. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself - both your emotions and your body have been through a lot in a short time.

I am so sorry you didnt feel supported on here. That's the last thing we want. Its easy for us to think what we would do in your place, but we only get such a tiny glimpse of the big picture here. We didnt know your background, your particular situation, your faith or beliefs, your prior struggles, your current family situation and support... So all we can do is tell you what we feel, and what we think we would do given what little we have to work with in a posting on the internet. Sometimes when you feel so strongly about something, it is hard to remember that our values or beliefs are not everybodys. Its hard to understand why others dont think the way we do, when it is something so clear to us. And maybe that comes out wrong sometimes.

But "supporting" someone doesnt mean always agreeing with them either. Sometimes the best support is to show us other points of view we may not have considered on our own. I hope you keep that in mind when we respond in the future - we arent trying to judge, we are trying to help the only way we can on something so impersonal as a forum. Sometimes that is sharing our own experiences and what we did in a similar situation, sometimes it is telling you what our beliefs tell us, sometimes it is just saying we have no clue but we feel for you. We may not always share them the best way and it may sound judgmental, but the intentions are usually good.

I read your original post, but couldnt decide how to comment on it. The truth is I have no idea what it would feel like to be in your shoes. And the thought of having to make a choice like that had never occurred to me. While I would like to think i would never be able to abort a baby, I have been thinking about this a lot lately as part of the reason I wanted the surgery was to help ensure I could have a healthy baby if it possible fairly soon.. but given my age, they would likely do tests and I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if I knew the baby had something severe, etc. While I want to say it wouldnt matter, without knowing what I was up against I dont know that I can say that yet. Your question kind of hit home for me - what would I do if I were faced with a choice between having a baby that would live only a year and be in certain pain the whole time?

THe only reason I mention this is to show you that -- you wrote the post with all the knowledge of your current situation and the struggles and difficulties your life has. We didnt read it in a vacuum - we could not see anything but the words you wrote on the page, but we read it knowing our OWN situations and struggles and difficulties. And we respond from that place, which you cant see. So while it may appear harsh sometimes to you, remember that some people here have tried to conceive for years and this surgery has the end goal of getting pregnant... others have been faced with a similar decision and regretted it and want to spare you the pain they feel... others have strong religious convictions they cant live with themselves denying.

I hope you feel you can come back here for support again throughout your journey with this surgery, or anything else. And I too am sorry you felt the way you did.Will be thinking about you.