Totally depressed and lost

[Missy1973]

I'm 8 days post op and was so excited about getting the sleeve. Well, I guess I just didn't realize how addicted to food and looking forward to eating that I was. Now without food, I feel really lost like something is missing. I know it's like grieving. Has anyone else experienced this? Did it last? I've thought about some things I would like to do instead of eating to bring myself some joy. One of them is a long bath but I can't do that until 10 days post op because of my incisions. I would like to get a massage but want to wait until I heal more. My whole life revolved around food and I didn't even know it. I knew that I binged and I knew that I was an overeater and I knew I had an unhealthy relationship with food, but nothing prepared me for this post-op melancholy. I know I should be trying to find a therapist to start dealing with my food issues.

[Shirleybird]

Oh, yes! I know how you feel exactly. That is how I felt for a very long time and I am 1 year post op now. I promise you it does go away for the most part. I still have moments when I can't find what I truly want and waste my food allowance on something I think I wanted. Also, I still eat too much every 2 or3 days and end up vomiting because there just isn't enough room in this small stomach any more. I look at where I come from and where I am now and it is so worth it. That is the key. Keep telling yourself, out loud if you have to, that it is all worth it. Your health and figure will soon be better than you ever imagined it to be and food won't be as important. You will receive compliments that will make you feel like a beauty queen and you will be so grateful that you made the decision to change your life and your eating habits. I promise it will get better, but it may take months and months or a year or more , but don't forget why you wanted to do this. For me I did not want to go another day embarrassed in my own skin, hiding my food and binging every chance I got just to feel sick and ashamed of myself, buying clothes that I hated, but they where the only ones that fit, and finally I wanted to be healthy. I have no regrets even if I have lost an old friend that was never a friend at all. All she wanted was a eating buddy to ease the pain of being fat.
All the best to you and I hope this helps

Be patient with yourself, Shirley

[Nmlara1973]

Good Evening yes it's hard ... But think positive ... I'm not going to to say the cravings are going to be gone .... We are human ... But take it day by day ❤️ Baby steps ... Your going to have your struggle days and say let me just try ;( but try not too ... I've had many days where I felt so much depressed.., but gang in there we are here for you ❤️

[char602]

Hi Missy, I'm sorry this grieving process is more than you bargained for. Yes, food is an old friend and we think we are ready to say goodbye and KNOW that we need to. But like any unhealthy relationship, at the same moment we are proud of ourselves for ending it, we find ourselves deeply mourning the loss. I haven't been sleeved yet, so can't pretend that I know what you're going thru. But what I can say is, sorry it sucks. I would suggest that you get a good book about this subject (maybe Women, Food & God).

[dmart27]

My mom just got out of the hospital today because of the negative effects of diabetes. Her A1C is extremely high and kidneys are starting to slow down. All isn't lost. The doctor told her to go on a diabetic diet to save her kidneys. Where I'm from we celebrate everything w/food. My mom said today she's not ready to die. I told her to do her part because I'm going to do mines. Btw, my gastric buddies. My mom isn't even overweight. She just made some bad eating choices. Diabetes and high bp run in my family. Ill stop my cycle of it. God bless you all through this struggle.

[Wayne2]

I can only imagine how difficult it is. I have not had my sleeve yet, but my wife has warned me that depression is very common after surgery. The anesthesia, the pain, and the loss of your coping skill. She encourages me to start developing a new coping skill or hobby to replace the food I consume for every aingle emotion I feel. I hope you can find a new hobby or passion to replace the void you used to fill with eating. I expect to have the same struggle as you. Good luck!

[meezerkat]

Ok hopefully this will help you during the rough bumps in the road.

I ordered a jacket online couple weeks ago cos the store did not have my size (L - don't think I've worn a L since 1991). The jacket came yesterday and I tried it on only to find/feel that once again my football shoulders are too big yet the jacket fit perfect for the rest of it. Took it to the store today to exchange it for an XL only to have a female customer and a male sales clerk tell me the XL was WAAAY to big.

I tried on the large and the male clerk told me that it fit perfect and that it was to be form fitting in the shoulders etc. I said it feels to tight to which he mentioned that the hoody I had on was WAAAY to big and that I was swimming in it. Hence I said well I have to work till midnight alone in the office and felt like wearing something big and baggie to which he replied that I should leave my husbands clothes on him. I laughed and said this is/was mine but I'd lost 80lbs in the last year and I wanted to wear it more cos it was a favorite hoody hugger for days like today. He politely told me it was time to embrace the skinny me, get rid of the hoody and all my other baggie too big clothes and wear clothes that fit my size and hence probably why I felt the L was too tight lol.... ok then I said. Took my size L jacket gave him a nice smile and thanked him for his help and left for work. I am still am not used to being in regular sized clothes not to mention not the largest size in the regular sized clothes and to having multiple people tell me I am wearing clothes too big for me and/or that the size I am trying on needs to be smaller.

It is soooo worth it and then some. Steve proposed Aug 29 (in Vegas) and I am actually really looking forward to going to England for Christmas (not to mention it sucks me being in BC Canada and he in England). I plan on going one day, while he is working and taking his mom or just me, and going to the local bridal shop to start trying on wedding gowns.... soooo excited which a year ago I'd have said no thanks let's do Vegas or elope!

Though I admit I still can't eat bread and pasta well and even potatoes are too heavy at times even if only a teaspoon size. However, rice seems to be ok as long as I don't eat more than 1/4 cup which I can live with. Makes me laugh my roommate/coworker once told me that 1/4 cup was the proper portion size for rice and my comment was .. if that is all I get what's the point lol... now 1/4 cup is just fine.

I don't have food cravings as in emotional eating but there are times when I want toast so bad I could climb the walls or when I crave something but have no clue what it is I am craving... those times are the hardest for me.

Hang in there... it does get better and easier!!!

[LuckyCharmz82]

Well I'm not gonna lie, since I have been tolerating all intake with no nausea and vomiting, I have indeed bought me some KFC mashed potatoes and gravy and ate it slowly(takes all day, lol) the same way as I eat my puddings and jello. It is hard to watch my family eat their meals, but if I wanna taste something, I simply put a tiny piece in my mouth and mush it, sounds gross I know. But everyone is different and I'm only speaking for myself.

[Ann2]

Missy, I'm sorry you're going through this. I've seen some people post about this, but come out the other end fairly soon, others struggle with it intermittently or long-term, and still others don't report any problems at all. (Only two months out, I'm in the latter group so far.)

I don't think it would hurt -- and might help a lot -- to address your issues with a good therapist. Why not learn how to cope with these discomfiting feelings sooner rather than later?

[passionpartygirl]

Boy oh boy do I relate to this!!! I thought I was crazy for feeling that way but oh my goodness did I mourn it!! My surgery was 9/1 so I'm just coming up on my 7th week. 19 pounds gone forever (I had plication, so my loss is slower) and just last week I started to feel better. I also didn't realize how much I was addicted. I cried and cried. I wanted to undo it. I was ANGRY at myself for having the surgery. It was horrible. The pain and anguish is insane. The physical pain was gone in a week but the emotional and mental pain will be there until it's not anymore. Just work through it. Own it and do the work. You will get through this, I promise you. It got really dark for me. My family was scared. My mom wanted me to move back home... and I'm 41! LOL It was that bad. I didn't want to get out of bed and felt like I had nothing to live for... and just like a switch flipped, everything is different now. I'm happy all the time. I laugh so loud. I have MyFitnessPal on my phone. I have made some great choices and some new friends like a personal trainer. I'm taking up yoga and running and I'm so excited for the next part so please hang in there. Something that really helped me through the emotional black hole is a book called The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Patients. Wow. Amazing stuff in that book and it got me out of my funk and taught me what to do next. I felt lost and so very lonely... you'll come out of it, I promise.

[Fast Eddie]

Me and NO NO kitty say Chin up, tough this through, better times around the corner. You can do this and soooo much more!!!

[VSGSetyoufree]

Don't feel bad, this is very common. I think the adjustment period is so difficult because the challenges of the surgery, the restriction and the extreme limitations on what you can eat compared to pre op are immediate. The benefits of the surgery take weeks and months to recognize. You find yourself thinking "what have I done?" long before you notice your weight dropping. We all want instant gratification, but it doesn't work like that. After you begin seeing your clothes feeling looser and your body looking thinner the sense of loss will be greatly diminished. I regretted the social loss that food seemed to have been in my life. It has gotten easier. It will for you too. Stay strong.

I'm 8 days post op and was so excited about getting the sleeve. Well, I guess I just didn't realize how addicted to food and looking forward to eating that I was. Now without food, I feel really lost like something is missing. I know it's like grieving. Has anyone else experienced this? Did it last? I've thought about some things I would like to do instead of eating to bring myself some joy. One of them is a long bath but I can't do that until 10 days post op because of my incisions. I would like to get a massage but want to wait until I heal more. My whole life revolved around food and I didn't even know it. I knew that I binged and I knew that I was an overeater and I knew I had an unhealthy relationship with food, but nothing prepared me for this post-op melancholy. I know I should be trying to find a therapist to start dealing with my food issues.

[dmart27]

I haven't had my surgery as of yet but you all have me in tears. This is beautiful!!!!!

[Small Car]

Missy1973: I am sorry you are going through this rough spot. I am still pre-op and am unable to offer much help. Thank you for such an honest and thought provoking post. It reminds me of how much preparation is necessary for this change.

[terrora]

Missy,,I felt lousy at the same day you are on too. I would have killed to eat. Now I am day 23 I think (check the ticker and I feel much better. I am still on pureed and not having many choices is difficult. When I tried soft food today it got stuck. I went out for dinner with a friend tonight. I ate the broth out of my Vietnamese soup and told him my stomach was upset today (It was because I tried soft food) and didn't even try to eat anything but the broth for fear I would ruin my evening.
On the other side of things,, my energy is great, I have no depression like I did last year with my surgery. I am not constantly food hung over and self loathing and bloated and feeling gross from all the crap I was eating. I feel I can mentally handle things better and when things go wrong they don't rattle me as much because my moods are not so unstable, and I am not dragging my butt all the time.
I was totally where you were at day 8 and the head hunger was miserable. It WILL go away. Even at my early stage I have been out for dinner 4 times since surgery and it doesn't bother me at all. I just know if I dont want to ruin my evening I don't try to eat solid food.
I am just looking down the road when I can eat and it will be easier. If I knew I would always have to eat broth I would be in a state of panic.
I have already dropped one pant size. My pants are too baggy on me (largest) and usually when I diet it takes FOREVER it seems before my pants are loose.
So hang in there,,,be excited again, CHOOSE to look to the future not today!!

PS Whatever you do get your water in,,,I had to drink hot beverages or ice cold as I couldn't tolerate room temp. But if you get dehydrated it will really affect your mood and energy