Originally Posted by
cowgirljane
The level of anger expressed, both here to me and to others - and the private nasty-gram you sent me seems out of proportion to the situation. If you ask people a question, you have to accept the fact that not everyone sees the world the same as you do. I am still puzzled why the topic of what formerly obese people "should" weigh is so important to you but it doesn't really matter.
When I was about 11, one of my older sisters came back home for a visit. she was a hot 20something and I was a fat kid. I never forget her holding up a pair of shorts of mine, and with a disgusted tone saying something like "omg, these are huge". Now, did she say I was huge or disgusting? No. Did her choice of words and tone make it clear that is what she thought? yup.
The OP did ask me a few questions in the private message that I do think are interesting and actually add to the discussion. Like, why do I care since I am no longer overweight? And, I must have not been happy at 180 since I currently weigh 140. Since i have been posting on this forum for about 3 years, i sometimes forget not everybody knows my story...haha. but, it is relevant to my views on this topic.
I was morbidly obese, supermorbidly obese or overweight the vast majority of my life. I would diet on weight watchers, get down to about 240... and just stop losing. I had the lapband, never got under 200# in spite of much suffering and difficulty. My lifetime highest weight was 332, I started the sleeve journey at 308 which was Dec 2011. What i didn't understand until I met the great surgeons where I had my sleeve done was that I had a pretty advanced "disease of obesity" that changed my metabolic response and why diets and stuff no longer worked for me. My surgeon was one who didn't encourage super morbidly obese (my BMI was over 50) to even set goals. The rationale was that people might lose 100# but because they didn't hit some weight target, get discouraged, declare failure and regain. I decided in my own mind that if I could get under 200#, I would consider it a success. I wasn't actually sure that was even possible for me. I don't think I even established my goal weight, of 158 until I got under 200#. I picked it because it meant losing a nice round 150# and was a loss of approx half my size. Arbitrary.
My weight loss slowed alot when I hit the 180-190 range and i had to face the "why" and what to do about it. I was actually pretty content at that weight, I could physically do what i wanted to do and looked pretty dang good, fit in sizes from the normal store etc. I spent time internalizing the question about what I really wanted to do, and decided to push for getting to 158 - which happened in Feb 2013 and I have been maintaining since. BTW, 158 still puts me in the overweight catagory.
I had plastics which took out about 5# and then I had some health issues... I dropped more weight unintentionally. Now that was a lifetime first - ha - to lose weight without trying! Anyway, I had to work hard to keep from losing more weight and stabilized at 140ish and remain here. I like this weight, but, my life isn't really better than when I was bouncing around the 158-162 range either, I can just wear skinnier clothes. What I find most fascinating is I got more attention from the opposite gender when I weight about 20# more than I do now...one of life's many mysteries. If I cannot comfortably maintain this weight and still live a good lifetstyle, I am okay with going up a few pounds.
Anyway, why do I even care about this topic? Well, I actually have a pretty low need for approval from people on these forums in the middle of their own weight loss journey, but i am keenly aware of the many people who are morbidly obese, who read but don't post. Who feel so judged and who feel like they will probably never be "successful". We are just pounded with messages of what acceptable looks/weight or whatever really is and people who either are (or were) morbidly obese often have dismorphia or incorrect view of themseleves... meaning, they judge themselves so terribly hard. That all or nothing thinking. I think of those people, and i can't help but remember the look of disgust often shot my direction when i was morbidly obese myself. I care and frankly think that this forum is full of people who could stand more building up than being torn down, emotionally. It may not be intentional, but there is a tone of a question like this that implies, very strongly, that "we aren't good enough" by accepting a higher weight as our goal.
I wish everyone the very best and hope we all make, and maintain our personal goals. Just be aware that there is some danger in trying to fit into someone else's ideals.
Oh, I also think that people really have no idea about the long term challenges of managing the disease of obesity, maintaining that weight loss, facing longer term complications from WLS until they are a few years down the road. I am learning much as the journey of maintaining health continues...
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