Why such high goal weights?

[cowgirljane]

The level of anger expressed, both here to me and to others - and the private nasty-gram you sent me seems out of proportion to the situation. If you ask people a question, you have to accept the fact that not everyone sees the world the same as you do. I am still puzzled why the topic of what formerly obese people "should" weigh is so important to you but it doesn't really matter.

When I was about 11, one of my older sisters came back home for a visit. she was a hot 20something and I was a fat kid. I never forget her holding up a pair of shorts of mine, and with a disgusted tone saying something like "omg, these are huge". Now, did she say I was huge or disgusting? No. Did her choice of words and tone make it clear that is what she thought? yup.

The OP did ask me a few questions in the private message that I do think are interesting and actually add to the discussion. Like, why do I care since I am no longer overweight? And, I must have not been happy at 180 since I currently weigh 140. Since i have been posting on this forum for about 3 years, i sometimes forget not everybody knows my story...haha. but, it is relevant to my views on this topic.

I was morbidly obese, supermorbidly obese or overweight the vast majority of my life. I would diet on weight watchers, get down to about 240... and just stop losing. I had the lapband, never got under 200# in spite of much suffering and difficulty. My lifetime highest weight was 332, I started the sleeve journey at 308 which was Dec 2011. What i didn't understand until I met the great surgeons where I had my sleeve done was that I had a pretty advanced "disease of obesity" that changed my metabolic response and why diets and stuff no longer worked for me. My surgeon was one who didn't encourage super morbidly obese (my BMI was over 50) to even set goals. The rationale was that people might lose 100# but because they didn't hit some weight target, get discouraged, declare failure and regain. I decided in my own mind that if I could get under 200#, I would consider it a success. I wasn't actually sure that was even possible for me. I don't think I even established my goal weight, of 158 until I got under 200#. I picked it because it meant losing a nice round 150# and was a loss of approx half my size. Arbitrary.

My weight loss slowed alot when I hit the 180-190 range and i had to face the "why" and what to do about it. I was actually pretty content at that weight, I could physically do what i wanted to do and looked pretty dang good, fit in sizes from the normal store etc. I spent time internalizing the question about what I really wanted to do, and decided to push for getting to 158 - which happened in Feb 2013 and I have been maintaining since. BTW, 158 still puts me in the overweight catagory.

I had plastics which took out about 5# and then I had some health issues... I dropped more weight unintentionally. Now that was a lifetime first - ha - to lose weight without trying! Anyway, I had to work hard to keep from losing more weight and stabilized at 140ish and remain here. I like this weight, but, my life isn't really better than when I was bouncing around the 158-162 range either, I can just wear skinnier clothes. What I find most fascinating is I got more attention from the opposite gender when I weight about 20# more than I do now...one of life's many mysteries. If I cannot comfortably maintain this weight and still live a good lifetstyle, I am okay with going up a few pounds.

Anyway, why do I even care about this topic? Well, I actually have a pretty low need for approval from people on these forums in the middle of their own weight loss journey, but i am keenly aware of the many people who are morbidly obese, who read but don't post. Who feel so judged and who feel like they will probably never be "successful". We are just pounded with messages of what acceptable looks/weight or whatever really is and people who either are (or were) morbidly obese often have dismorphia or incorrect view of themseleves... meaning, they judge themselves so terribly hard. That all or nothing thinking. I think of those people, and i can't help but remember the look of disgust often shot my direction when i was morbidly obese myself. I care and frankly think that this forum is full of people who could stand more building up than being torn down, emotionally. It may not be intentional, but there is a tone of a question like this that implies, very strongly, that "we aren't good enough" by accepting a higher weight as our goal.

I wish everyone the very best and hope we all make, and maintain our personal goals. Just be aware that there is some danger in trying to fit into someone else's ideals.

Oh, I also think that people really have no idea about the long term challenges of managing the disease of obesity, maintaining that weight loss, facing longer term complications from WLS until they are a few years down the road. I am learning much as the journey of maintaining health continues...

If you want to choose to be insulted that is your choice. Did I say YOU were gross? No! I said I feel gross.I asked a question, I wasn't pointing the finger or judging. Perhaps my question would have been better received if I was 300lbs. But since I am not I am insulting and judgmental.

[lil_lisa]

Your weight is just a number, you should seek where you are happy at and not get hung up on it. It is a personal decision. And Jane, very insiteful messages there, good input.

[missemily516]

For me, I don't want to be skinny. I prefer the look of people who have some extra weight on them. When I look at women and men who are skinny that just doesn't look attractive to me. My surgeon refuses to give me a goal weight, so I picked the weight my best friend is. I think she looks cute and healthy. My daughter is also around that weight, and I wanted a goal weight for my ticker, so there you go. I ill see how I look, and anyway I am not sure that I am in total control of how much I lose (with so many posts on this forum from old timers who haven't lost the weight they want or have lost too much weight). I am happy with my weight loss so far, and hope that I lose some more, but I am trying not to get stuck on a specific number....

Also, in response to the original poster, I think that the charts are bogus. I understand that there has to be a standard for health professionals, but I think it is so arbitrary that I don't worry about being in what some people have decided is the weight I should be. Look up on the internet there is a picture of about a dozen women who weigh the same (I think it is 160) but their bodies all are totally different. It is a great picture.....

[RRT]

Well I did get this surgery for my health 100%. Uncontrolled severe high blood pressure and stress.
I was on 3 BP meds. High doses. Pre surgery: 180/110. At work and stressed (I'm in healthcare) 210/115 or worse. One day I ended up leaving the hospital where I work and going to another hospital, by ambulance, for my high BP. I work at a childrens hospital.
My Cardiologist told me that I would be dead soon.
When they did a stress test on me pre surgery I failed. But my Cardiologist signed off on me because he knew I would die if I didn't get WLS.


Now? I have been off BP meds for months and months. My BP is 108/60 or better. And I had to learn to de stress.

Oh yeah I'm 5' 9.5" and 58 years old. I was happy at 170 lbs. but I also like being 155 lbs.

[forevertysh]

Well, my doctor told me that most people lose between 60-70% of their excess body weight, I started about 100 lbs overweight, so I made my goal realistically taking into account the statistics.

[terrora]

The level of anger expressed, both here to me and to others - and the private nasty-gram you sent me seems out of proportion to the situation. If you ask people a question, you have to accept the fact that not everyone sees the world the same as you do. I am still puzzled why the topic of what formerly obese people "should" weigh is so important to you but it doesn't really matter.

When I was about 11, one of my older sisters came back home for a visit. she was a hot 20something and I was a fat kid. I never forget her holding up a pair of shorts of mine, and with a disgusted tone saying something like "omg, these are huge". Now, did she say I was huge or disgusting? No. Did her choice of words and tone make it clear that is what she thought? yup.

The OP did ask me a few questions in the private message that I do think are interesting and actually add to the discussion. Like, why do I care since I am no longer overweight? And, I must have not been happy at 180 since I currently weigh 140. Since i have been posting on this forum for about 3 years, i sometimes forget not everybody knows my story...haha. but, it is relevant to my views on this topic.

I was morbidly obese, supermorbidly obese or overweight the vast majority of my life. I would diet on weight watchers, get down to about 240... and just stop losing. I had the lapband, never got under 200# in spite of much suffering and difficulty. My lifetime highest weight was 332, I started the sleeve journey at 308 which was Dec 2011. What i didn't understand until I met the great surgeons where I had my sleeve done was that I had a pretty advanced "disease of obesity" that changed my metabolic response and why diets and stuff no longer worked for me. My surgeon was one who didn't encourage super morbidly obese (my BMI was over 50) to even set goals. The rationale was that people might lose 100# but because they didn't hit some weight target, get discouraged, declare failure and regain. I decided in my own mind that if I could get under 200#, I would consider it a success. I wasn't actually sure that was even possible for me. I don't think I even established my goal weight, of 158 until I got under 200#. I picked it because it meant losing a nice round 150# and was a loss of approx half my size. Arbitrary.

My weight loss slowed alot when I hit the 180-190 range and i had to face the "why" and what to do about it. I was actually pretty content at that weight, I could physically do what i wanted to do and looked pretty dang good, fit in sizes from the normal store etc. I spent time internalizing the question about what I really wanted to do, and decided to push for getting to 158 - which happened in Feb 2013 and I have been maintaining since. BTW, 158 still puts me in the overweight catagory.

I had plastics which took out about 5# and then I had some health issues... I dropped more weight unintentionally. Now that was a lifetime first - ha - to lose weight without trying! Anyway, I had to work hard to keep from losing more weight and stabilized at 140ish and remain here. I like this weight, but, my life isn't really better than when I was bouncing around the 158-162 range either, I can just wear skinnier clothes. What I find most fascinating is I got more attention from the opposite gender when I weight about 20# more than I do now...one of life's many mysteries. If I cannot comfortably maintain this weight and still live a good lifetstyle, I am okay with going up a few pounds.

Anyway, why do I even care about this topic? Well, I actually have a pretty low need for approval from people on these forums in the middle of their own weight loss journey, but i am keenly aware of the many people who are morbidly obese, who read but don't post. Who feel so judged and who feel like they will probably never be "successful". We are just pounded with messages of what acceptable looks/weight or whatever really is and people who either are (or were) morbidly obese often have dismorphia or incorrect view of themseleves... meaning, they judge themselves so terribly hard. That all or nothing thinking. I think of those people, and i can't help but remember the look of disgust often shot my direction when i was morbidly obese myself. I care and frankly think that this forum is full of people who could stand more building up than being torn down, emotionally. It may not be intentional, but there is a tone of a question like this that implies, very strongly, that "we aren't good enough" by accepting a higher weight as our goal.

I wish everyone the very best and hope we all make, and maintain our personal goals. Just be aware that there is some danger in trying to fit into someone else's ideals.

Oh, I also think that people really have no idea about the long term challenges of managing the disease of obesity, maintaining that weight loss, facing longer term complications from WLS until they are a few years down the road. I am learning much as the journey of maintaining health continues...

My computer wasn't working for a while and I long forgot about this. And you are still ruminating about this topic you say you care nothing about? Then you write a book about it? I sent you a PM to take it off the main forum. You want to be ugly in the forum and people have to read this? You obviously have some issues from the "big shorts" days and it clouds your vision so that you see what others post as a personal attack when I actually wanted to know what people's heart reasons are. You could have answered it in paragraph 4 and be done with it long ago. I don't know that kind of thing, which is why I was asking. Thanks for all the non emotionally charged answers.

[terrora]

[QUOTE=niamh;463365]terrora, you say that cowgirljane 'chose' to be insulted. I like to think that if someone is insulted by something I say, I at least pause for thought and consider whether I might have somehow been inadvertently insensitive or thoughtless in the way I phrased something. Particularly on a forum where non-verbal cues like tone of voice or facial expression aren't present to help people interpret what we say.

I did pause and consider what she was saying until she accused me of being judgmental. Stating you feel insulted then tagging it with an insult? It kind of takes away that "pause" I was starting to have.

[terrora]

After reading most of the posts I am going to set my goal weight higher. There was a lot of insightful info. on here. I am 5'6" and don't need to be 135lbs.
There WAS actually a reason I asked this,,,not to insult or judge or whatever else I was called.

[SethP]

This is just my opinion, but BMI charts should be burnt and never come back. When I graduated High School I was 5'10" tall and weighed in at 293lbs. According to every chart that the medical insurance companies could come up with I was OBESE. The truth of the matter is that I had 6% body fat at that time. I was a competitive body builder and there was not much fat to speak of on my body. The charts are bogus. For me to reach a "Normal" BMI i would have to drop down to 175lbs. My PCP and my surgeon are NOT comfortable with that number. Personally I would love to get down to about 200lbs and then we will see what happens after that. Right now I am at the lightest weight of my adult weight which is 238 and IF I never lose another pound I do not regret this procedure. There are so many other things that I have lost and gained from this surgery and I will not go back into it on your thread but I have posted it on here, if interested give it a look see. Godspeed on your journey.

[BBCorvette18]

To hit the high end of normal on the bmi scales I would be the same weight I was at about 13 years old. Im 6'2 380 and most people guess my weight at around 280. 99% of people dont believe me when I say I'm 380. I was over 400 at one point. I cant confirm it but I did 3 days of nutrisystem before I got my scale last year. When I weighed in I was 394. And was losing an average of 3-4lbs a day for the first week or so so I think 400 is a fair number.I was on the diet for 58 days and was down to 355lbs I started a new job and it was hard to keep on the diet so I wound up falling off. Now a year later im 380 and its time to do the sleeve. Im hoping to be under 300 for my 30th birthday. I haven't been under 300 in 7 or 8 years at least. I think I'll feel great at 250 and when I get there I'll consider it a succes. I want to get down to 225 or so but if that doesn't happen I'll be ok.at 225 I'd still be way overweight according to the bmi.

You did come off a bit badly with your op altho I dont think you meant to. Personally at only 50lbs to lose I dont think you need the surgery however I'm assuming you like me and many others don't have the will power to do it on your own. I need this tool to stop me from saying fuck it lets get $20 worth of taco bell and mow down.

Set your goal and set it realistically you can always hit goal 1 and make another goal. Its much harder mentally to set a goal and not hit it

[Robbnva]

Meow.
Getting popcorn....

This, guess my Friday night has some good reading material

[Ann2]

Terrora,

I sincerely hope you don't have as much trouble communicating in your real-life relationships as you do on social media.

Because you are terrible at this.

[cowgirljane]

I replied to you on Aug 18th sortly after your nasty private message etc; and you choose to bring it up again 10 days later. This forum automatically subscribes me to a thread and lets me know when it is posted to again. I realize you have no idea the point I am trying to make, that is okay I know the people who really need to hear it have. Much luck on your journey - I hope you make all your goals.

[Bri_45_N_of_Philly]

Hi,

I had my surgery on 8/12/14. I was 5'7, 245 lbs. According to the charts, I should be somewhere around 150 so I guess I am like 90 lbs too much lol. According to statistics the surgery should help me get to about 185 (90x.65=approx 60 lb loss in first year). Through dieting in the past, I know about 160-170 is the weight at which I am much more flexible and have a significant increase in energy levels.. I am kind of a "broad big boned guy" so I don't put emphasis on my supposed healthy weight at 150. IMO, I would look way to thin at 150. Since I remember what 160-170 felt like, I set my goal for that range even though it is still technically overweight..my dieting in the past got me to that level but I couldn't hold onto that weight for any real length of time.

So I guess I could say 160 is good for me even though technically it is still overweight....The surgeon's office asked me what weight I'd like to get to and then recommended the sleeve based on my desires.....I would imagine getting to 160 from 185 will be the biggest challenge for me if the statistics hold out for me. I don't think I will ever hit 150 ( never was as an adult) and I don't think I would feel or look any better reaching that weight....so I would be happy being overweight at 160 lol......

[terrora]

Terrora,

I sincerely hope you don't have as much trouble communicating in your real-life relationships as you do on social media.

Because you are terrible at this.

Maybe it's not my communication. Maybe it is your level of comprehension. Perhaps things need to be put very simply for you.