1 year out, feeling great...until I took my daughter to the doctor...

[Carissa Ellis]

So I am one year out and down 100lbs. I have reached so many goals and feel so comfortable in my skin. I never thought I would reach this amount of success in this much time. Then my reality check came. As I was losing weight, my daughter was gaining it. Last year at this time she was 53lb and a size (7/8). This year she is going into 2nd grade and is 94lbs and a size 16. Although I did noticed she changed clothing size several times this year, I just didn't see it when I look at her. She is perfect in my eyes and I never made a habit of weighing her unless she had a doctor appointment. The doctor is really concerned, because of how rapidly she gained the weight and because she started having asthma symptoms about 6 months ago. I am just not sure where I went wrong. Did I pay so much attention to what I put in my body that I lost track of what she consumes. Also, I'm not even quite sure what she eats in a day. I'm not there, I work full time and I am in a full time nursing program as well. I only see her about 30min a day before she goes to sleep. She spends all her time with my husband (who is 350lbs and diabetic) or at school. My husband is considering having the sleeve this year, after seeing my results. But how can I spare my baby from being faced with the issues that only someone who has been overweight can understand. She is honestly just a sweet and innocent 7 year old. I cannot imagine her dealing with serious health and body image issues. But how can I save her? I had to allow a surgeon to cut out 85 percent of my stomach to stop myself from constant binging and eating as a way of coping with anxiety and severe social issues (which were not fixed at all by this procedure). I see myself in her. She eats when she is stressed. She eats to soothe herself. And I didn't see it. I feel like I failed her. But how do you teach someone what they're doing is wrong and has major consequences when you fall back on that same terrible habit yourself? I feel like an alcoholic giving a lecture on the dangers of alcohol with a drink in my hand. And my husband is no better. He lives on candy! How can he help her? You guys have helped me through so much before, I hope you can help my baby as well.

[Ann2]

Congratulations on your accomplishments this year.

And I know you realize your child is in crisis. But why she's in crisis is no mystery.

You and your husband have to parent your child. You have to cook for her and feed her nutritious food. You have to get the candy and junk food out of the house. You have to take her out of the house to places where she can move and enjoy her life.

A seven-year-old child can't raise herself or cook nutritious food for herself. She needs for you guys to figure this out. You're the parents.

Seek counseling to help you design a new daily and weekly schedule for your lives. This life isn't working at all for your daughter. So create a different life that will work for her -- and all of you.

I wish you the very best life possible. You all deserve it. But it's yours to create. No one else can do that for you.

[kjsleeved]

Hey Carissa! I was always a chubby child, and although I dont blame my parents I really wish that they did instill in me healthy habits and bought better food for me. Even the dogs in my house are obese lol. You sound like an amazing mom, and identifying her problem from now is wonderful. Maybe you could take her to see a psychologist to help with her with the mental aspects of her eating issues? You and your husband have control over what she eats at home, so it starts with what you are buying at the supermarket. I think it might be a good idea to let her eat what you eat in normal portions. Bariatric Foodie (Bariatric Foodie) has a lot of bariatric friendly recipes that her children love. I'm happy I made the decision to get my sleeve at 19, rather than 30 or 40, but I wished that when I was younger I had dealt with my weight issues. My childhood was miserable from the teasing, puberty wasnt any different. I will have issues with stretch marks and extra skin when I do lose my 90+ pounds of extra weight, no teenager can feel good about that. You can help your daughter now, just focus on the positives. You are not a failure, you are a success! You are almost 100 pounds down. You have been through this before and you have the knowledge of what to do. You are a strong woman and a great parent, I hope your husband will get sleeved too and all three of you will live a long, happy healthy life together!

[Narasweet]

Ditto what the others said, it would be great to get on top of this now to prevent her going through the hell we all went through, het your husband on board, no crap foods in the house and counselling could be good, best of luck, and well done you on your awesome result.

[SethP]

I find that one of the major problems in our society is that we use food as a reward. I would suggest getting all the candy and unhealthy snacks out of the house. You can keep healthy choices like fruit around the house for snacks for her and your husband alike. You can also find ways to get her active outside. I know you say you are only with her 30 minutes a day but this will get better once you are out of school. You can ask her about her day, and when she tells you about something she DID instead of something she watched you can praise her for being active. I know I am doing better with my last child then I did with my older ones. I am a slow learner I guess, but in truth I didnt want to make them play because I was so big then. As I lose weight I have become alot more in tuned with what he eats and what he does. Godspeed on your journey.

[fri38cy]

Does she like to swim, dance, play sports get her into activities that she enjoys. If you have chips in the house get the 30 count packs that are portioned controlled for her. Sugar free candy instead of the full calorie stuff. Greek yogart with protein.
if you don't have a Wii get one they have dance party ones for kids, things that will get the whole family up and moving and making memories.
Make small changes so she won't feel the need to hide food or binge when she away for you.

[Joe Poppa]

Congratulations on your weight loss and effort.

Explain the health and personal issues that affect oneself when we are obese and tell her what you are going through (as best as a 7 year old can understand this). Maybe she can try to exercise with you when you do have some free time to spend with her.
Try to instill healthy eating and portion control, get rid of the unhealthy snacks and replace them with healthy ones -a piece of fruit makes a pretty tasty snack if there is no junk food in the house. Once in a while, as a treat, she can have something that isn't quite as healthy.

As she loses weight reward her with something small. Set up some milestone weight loss numbers and when she achieves those (she will) reward her with something a little nicer as a motivation tool.

Work with your child's pediatrician.

I am not going to tell you to give her your love and support, you obviously give a lot of that already.

I hope your husband has the surgery, I was a heavy-hitter like him (353 lbs) back in February of this year when I started the weight loss process; my surgery was 13 days ago. I know he can do it too.

By the way re: your remark:

I feel like I failed her

You DID NOT fail her! You are there for her and want to help her get on the right track of better eating and a healthier lifestyle because you love her!

[sraebaer]

Get the junk out of your house. If it's not there, she can't eat it. (I have to do the same for myself!!) Cook healthy meals. Stay away from fast food. Then start moving as a family. Go to the park, swing on the swings, take a walk in the woods, play catch, ride your bikes. Have fun together! Find some "kid stuff" she enjoys, like maybe dance, or the soccer team, whatever. Good luck!

[Mrssimpson]

I could have written almost the exact same post.

I stopped buying sweets for the kids...amd am watching how much she snacks.

However...the biggest change is that I'm going to ensure she is more active. Enroll her in karate. Have the nanny take her for daily walks. Use thr pool more.

I don't want her to go thru what I went thru.

[Metread]

I too have noticed a gradual weight gain in the rest of my family. My husband is very muscular and active, but even he has gained a few since my sleeve.

My original goal was to be able to wear my 16 yos clothes. I hit that goal last month, and I notice she has gained 8-10 lbs since my sleeve. I had hoped I would inspire her, but fear my success is negatively effecting her. She did have an accident and had several knee surgeries since my sleeve, and I know that her limited mobility is certainly a factor. She is a size 12 and is beautiful as she is, but I know she wants to be a little smaller.

I am trying to encourage her to lose my last 10-15 with me, but sense resistance from her. I'm afraid I've been feeding them foods just because I can't have them. I try to make good food choices for all of us, but I do tend to make sure they have snacks in the house. I just buy the things I don't like.

[Toopie2Seater]

This is a great post and everyone has given wonderful advice. I am so happy, even with the limited time you see your daughter, that you recognized the problem and are seeking assistance. A child that young can only eat what is there. She has no job or car so if all that is in the fridge are veggies and fruits, that's all she can eat. Replace the bad pantry items with healthier stuff like nuts, low fat popcorn, and healthy cereal. Solving this problem begins with eliminating the unhealthy options from the house and then get her moving. She may be hesitant to play outside because of her weight and fears of being teased or bullied. The idea for getting the Just Dance for the Wii system is great. It has all the up to date music kids love and will give her an opportunity to move her body in the house without being scrutinized by others; later on I'd enroll her in some sort of after school sport activity.

At her age she really doesn't get the ramifications of what she's doing; she really is simply modeling the behavior that she sees. Counseling could help, but what will have the greatest effect is for her to witness healthy behavior from both of her parents - which means everyone must be on board. The young lady who's 19 years old and posted above gave a great perspective about being young and obese. At the age of 7, you and your husband have a chance to turn this around.

I learned my eating disorder / food addiction from my mom, I'm sure at a very early age. I remember only one instance where I gained probably 10 lbs over the summer at my grandmother's house and being chastised about the weight gain, yet no one bothered to figure out why I was overeating so much. When I returned home the weight fell off almost instantly, but I knew then something was wrong. From then on, when I would overeat I'd find ways to conceal any weight gain, and it worked. So I made it all the way to college before I blew up and it was noticeable to everyone. I'm bringing all of that up because my mother never addressed my issues; she was busy battling her own food addiction and chose instead to help me try and find the next diet to be on. Here I sit at 43 years old and still use food for comfort; still purchase Woman's World magazine at the checkout counter because there is a guaranteed diet on the front cover that promises I can lose 24 lbs in 3 days (Lol!). I own every piece of gym equipment there is, always gearing myself up for the next big attempt at weight loss. My point is that I didn't know any better as a child. I did what I saw my mother do and now even as an adult I have had an extremely difficult time shaking these horrible habits and my food addiction. I made the mistake of mentioning to my mother that I was a candidate for WLS and she promptly told me that it would be a mistake; that I would probably die and leave my children without a mother. Then she told about this new diet she saw in (you guessed it - Woman's World) and that I should try it.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. That has been my experience, but it does not have to be your daughter's. Kids are very resilient at that age and I think she can overcome this if permanent changes are made by you and your husband. I've resolved with myself that my mother is never going to get it and that I and I alone must heal these old wounds. It is not easy and I wish that I had gotten a handle on this years ago, well before I had children, because they bring to light every struggle and insecurity that we have and it's not until you see them start to become who you are that reality slaps you in the face.