Family issues, Please Help!

[starlite2]

Hello everyone, I have been viewing this group for many weeks and doing my research on the sleeve for awhile now. I had finally made my mind up that I was going to have the sleeve done in Mexico because that is what I can afford, my insurance will pay nothing towards this. So to my issue. I am very close with my mom and I told her about my decision to have the surgery and to have it done in Mexico. I explained to her why I had made the decision and she seemed to understand but had some real reservations about having it done in Mexico and about any after care I may need. So for weeks we didn't discuss the issue, then last night she called me extremely upset saying that a friend of a friend just died from complications of gastric bypass surgery, I guess the lady had a staph infection that caused her to be in the hospital and nursing homes for two years before she lost the battle yesterday. My mom begged me to just find a doctor that may be able to prescribe something to help me or do anything else besides this surgery. I didn't have the heart to go into the discussion with her anymore because she was so upset. But I really feel that this is something I have to do for myself. I feel like I'm losing myself in all this weight I am lugging around with me everyday! I'm Miserable! Please someone give me some advise on how to handle this with my mom, I know that she is just scared and doesn't realize that if I stay like THIS, I WILL DIE!!

[rescue]

Welcome to the site. I can understand your moms concern. This must be very stressful for you. I have not had the sleeve done (I'm looking into it) I had the lap band put on in Mexico. The treatment between Mexico and the states is like night and day. The bed side manner in Mexico is Top notch. As for the lady who past away: there are so many people in the states who die from complications of any sort of surgery. How many times do you hear in the news, some person suing some doctor for a screwed up surgery. I have read one post on this site that United States rates very low in healthcare. And we are the most expensive.. You will definitely find a lot of support and answers here. I wish you the best ...

[Angella67]

I knew a lady who died from gall bladder surgery....that didn't keep me from having my gall bladder removed when I was told that it had to go....it was necessary. Many of us NEED WLS surgery in order to survive....it's hard for many people to understand that, especially those who have never faced the challenges of trying to lose weight and keep it off. I am very glad my family has been very supportive through this journey.

[leafswife]

I understand her concern because I too am a mother. I just got back from Mexico. My experience was positive.

[natex14]

There are lots of people that will try and talk you out of it. My own brother told me I didn't need it, but when he saw me at just two months afterwards, he is now thinking about it.

I'm guess I'm trying to point out that not everyone will be supportive and most of them will do it out of love. They don't want you to die, and neither do you. That is why you are making this investment in yourself, for a longer life. After the surgery and after your success, she will come around and support you. Make the decision for you, not for others. Good luck and welcome.

[HGfromOmaha]

This may be a pretty tricky one to handle.

I know plenty of people who would rather see their loved ones fat and unhappy, than go through surgery. I've heard people say that they would rather have a loved one die than to have the surgery. It was shocking but it was then that I realized that this is a journey that only you can take. You have to do this for yourself and not for anyone else. It's your life, your body, your emotions and you have to be responsible to and for yourself, not to anyone else, including your mother.

There comes a time when we have to make difficult choices and this is not an easy decision. If you're not happy with your weight and believe that surgery is your best option, then you need to decide how badly do you want or need this surgery?

As for someone who died because of complications, this is the risk with any surgery. I've known of people who
died from dental surgery.

If I were in your position, I would first decide how badly I wanted the surgery. What is my life worth? Have I tried the other diet alternatives with no success? Did I really try? What are the REALISTIC chances of me losing the weight through diet and exercise and KEEPING the weight off? You MUST be brutally honest with yourself and be able to look at yourself in the mirror, right in your own eyeballs and ask yourself "Am I happy and if I do nothing, what will happen?"

Only you know the answers as they pertain to you. Nobody else can answer for you. Not even Mama.

I would ask her to come on the trip to Mexico with you. I would tell her about this forum, help her create a profile, and have her come in and ask questions on her own. None of us are paid by the hospitals, doctors or their staff. We're here to support each other. Most get their surgeries in the US but many get theirs done in Mexico. Those who have had it done in Mexico can tell you the straight facts, no pressure, no hype, just facts.

My sleeve is only a little over a month old but I don't regret it. I am probably more impatient than anything because the weight isn't just falling off of me like a cheap suit. I'm losing slowly, consistently and I'm working this process. This is a journey. It's life changing.

What's it worth to YOU?

[dyberrah]

Perhaps try to help her understand that Mexico is, in fact, a center of excellence for bariatric surgery. They perform so many, they have become the absolute best. The care I received in Mexico was better than care I received in Canada when I had a knee surgery! Also, they aren't protected by big expensive lawyers and malpractice insurance - they primarily rely on reputation to keep their businesses running. They HAVE to do it right. And yes, there are people who have had problems. You can never satisfy 100 percent of your customers, and all medical procedures carry intrinsic risk, no matter where you have them done.

Mexico is a safe and economical option for the sleeve. I agree with Howard above - ask your mother to go with you. Chances are, she can stay in your hospital room with you. She will be impressed!

[starlite2]

Thank you all for the wonderful advise it has helped me think this through so much more clearly. I know what I have to do for myself for the quality of my life and my little girl. I know that if I don't take this opportunity then I will be worse off then I am right now and be even more miserable. I am going to find out about what my insurance does cover as far as any after care is concerned. I'm hoping to have the surgery done in on July 28th, if all goes well. Again thank you all

[amyswisher]

Starlite2, several people on here have listened to my rants about my family for a while now lol....I am also going to Mexico. I also have a child, AND I have family members that are against me going to Mexico. It seems in your case, that your mom is against the surgery all together and I think we can all sympathize with a worried mother. BUT as has been said above, this is your journey. I made my argument by saying that yes I was scared about having surgery, yes I am nervous about traveling so far, BUT I am far more scared and worried about what my life will look like in a year or more without the surgery. Someone made a point within a blog recently when dealing with people talking about death from surgery...they said they they also knew people that had died in car accidents, but that didn't keep them from driving. There are risks every time we walk out of our door, heck...risks even within our homes. The prevalence of weight related illness and disease is growing.

I lost my husband to his weight struggle several years ago. Died at home after getting dressed for work. He was 36 years old and weighed over 400 lbs..........36 years old.

I understand the feeling of wanting everyone to accept and understand your decision, but sometimes that just isn't the case. On Easter I dealt with a barrage of negativity from the bulk of my family. Having the support of my mom, dad, and boyfriend is enough for me....but if they weren't supportive, I would still have this surgery.

[KWKIKI]

Honey- My Mom had a total fit about it. We had a big fight. I said she was making it all about her, when it was about me and to stop it. It got pretty bad. I sent her tons of websites to read what the pros and cons were and ultimately told her, My quality of life suffers every single day due to immense back pain and discomfort that will be (not totally erased) alleviated greatly by weight loss. I had to stand firm, would not waver or allow her fears and squawking to deviate me from my mission. for financial reasons I went to Mexico and had Dr. Almanza, That was March 12th, I am down 31 lbs and my use of narcotics is about 7% of what it was. Your quality of life is at stake. Tell her you are desperate to be a better, healthier, happier you and you need her to understand this. If you can manage it, bring her along. I went lone and was glad I did.

[starlite2]

Thank u Amyswisher and KWKIKI i greatly appreciate ur advise. i think my mom would feel better if she could go with me but she cant an i know this is the hardest part. but i told her today that i have made up my mind so July will be my month. im at peace with my decision an i know that everything will be alright.

[NotThatGirl14]

I definitely dealt with this more with friends than family(my mom paid and went with me). My process was pretty much taking them logically through the process that I went through to decide to do it in Mexico. Basically, the way I looked at it was this:

The people who go to Mexico are largely going to be people who (either them or their family) can either (1)Pay 5k out of pocket (2) get approved for a 5k loan. So these aren't your trust fund babies, but they are going to be people who (1) know how to internet (2) expect a certain standard of care, even from Mexico. And people who fit that category will use their ability to internet to complain about restaurants, so why wouldn't they complain if their surgery wasn't up to par?

That assumption established. I scoured the internet for negative reviews of my doctor. I found none for my doctor and only one for the company that I did this through (and it was in a different city and a completely different procedure).

So if I found almost no recorded incidents out of thousands of individuals with internet access and an expectation of good service, I concluded that it was largely a safe process.

It's tough when people don't support decisions like this, but all I can say is just do your best to not let her infect you with her anxiety. You're going to be great. I don't know what hotel you're staying in there, but when I was there it was a gloriously fluffy bed and one of the nicest rooms i've ever had. Good luck!

[Sari]

My stepmom was the same, she told me it was stupid and I could do this on my own. I told her and my dad my mind was already made up, I was having the surgery, I researched, watched videos online and knew what I was getting into. My husband had the gastric bypass in December, when her and my dad came to see him in the hospital my stepmom said she talked to the bariatric social worker at the hospital she worked at and she told her to tell me to not do it, told her some horror stories. I told her I didn't want to hear it. Well they took me to dinner and she told me anyway! When I told her I had already talked to the doctor about those issues and he has never had those problems she told me he was lying. She still tries to talk me out of it and I just keep telling her my mind is made up.

Like everyone is saying, your mom is just scared. There is a risk with any surgery. I hope she comes around soon and sees what a great opportunity this is for you!

[seattlenailchic]

I understand this. I'm a mom and of course worried that there may be a problem, but I'm going with a very good doctor who I feel more comfortable with because of his experience. My mom isn't supportive and totally freaks out with anything surgical related, so I get how you feel. You have to do what you know is right for you. Its your life, you only get to live it once.