Introduction (long)

[Jodi L]

Hi, my name is Jodi and this is my first post to this board. I am at the beginning of my sleeve journey. I am 43 and 5'4", and my weight at my first doctor's appointment was 337.

I have always been fat except for a brief period in my teens when I starved myself into a size 6. After gaining back all the weight I lost and more, and repeating that over and over again, I decided in my twenties to accept myself as I was at a size 28.

My weight stabilized so that I was a size 32-34 for almost twenty years. I didn't diet, I didn't weigh myself, and I was pretty healthy and happy. However, in my late thirties I started developing health problems. I developed diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. Then I fell down the steps and tore my meniscus in each knee. They found I had bad arthritis in both my knees, which continued to worsen despite surgery to correct the torn menisci. Nothing worked for the arthritis, not medication,not injections, and not surgery. My world was growing smaller as I could not walk very far and doing anything became miserable. Finally my orthopedist told me that I needed to see a surgeon about knee replacement surgery. The surgeon told me that I needed total knee replacement, but that no reputable surgeon would perform it on me at my weight. He suggested weight loss surgery.

I had always been very suspicious of weight loss surgery, and though it had of course been suggested to me before, I never saw it as an option for myself. However, the knee problems and facing a life of horrible pain and/or becoming wheelchair bound was not what I wanted for myself. So, anyway, I decided after much consideration that I would try to have the sleeve.

I am committed to this for myself, but I don't want to abandon my core belief that all people are equally worthy of respect and good treatment regardless of their size, and my feeling that just because WLS exists, doesn't mean it is the best choice for everyone. I never expect to become thin even after this surgery. Somehow that doesn't feel right for me personally. I just want to get down to a weight where I can have my knees replaced and hopefully get rid of my comorbidities.

I am wondering if I am the only person here coming from a background in the size acceptance community. I feel a lot of social pressure from my friends against having this surgery, and I do fear that I will lose their friendship as a result of this decision, and that they will feel that I have betrayed the size acceptance cause. I know I need to do what is right for me and not worry about other people, but it is still hard. I would love to talk to anyone else who has dealt with this.

Anyway, I have had my first meeting with my surgeon and am now going to all the doctor's appointments that are required. So far, I have done the psychiatrist and the gastroenterologist. Dietician and PCP coming up this week, then pulmonologist and dietician again the next week.

I vacillate between being excited and being terrified. This group has been a big help to me in making my decision, so thanks!

--jodi

[sociologist]

Welcome! If your friends are giving you grief about you having a surgery that will improve your overall quality of life and potentially expand your lifespan, there is something wrong with them! I totally get the where they are coming from but it doesnt mean you are going to try and convert them or anything like that. Change is difficult no matter how big or small it is. They may believe you wont need them or be there for them in the same way. All you can do is reassure them and do what is best for yourself. Its your life afterall:-)

[edubb99]

You have to consider the most important thing in this equation - YOU. It's your health - your knees, your blood pressure, your diabetes, your cholesterol and sleep apnea all on the line - and all that can lead to much worse. You're the one dealing with all of these problems on a daily basis. I'm all with you on acceptance - I have seen it first hand on different levels, but this surgery isn't about that - it's about your health and future. If these people are truly your friends they will understand the medical necessities behind this. If YOU do chose to have the surgery, you can still stand behind the cause a hopefully smaller and healthier person.

[divaprof]

Hi Jodi. We have a lot in common. Please feel free to pm me if you'd like. I had to have the surgery or I may not have made it another year. I'm 47 - same height - a lot heavier. I have a significant amount of fluid due to heart issues. Part of me felt sad as I was heading to the hospital & part of Mr was excited. The sad part was certainly not because I want to stay heavy but because I was saying goodbye to the person I am now. Being a good loving caring person of integrity is important to me & I try to teach my students those qualities. I just made a pact with myself that I would always honor the person who had to courage to succeed & take on the health problems. Just as your friends accept you now if they don't accept your choice for health they are not true friends. All best to you & please let me know if I can help.

[Jodi L]

Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate all the welcomes and the responses from sociologist, edubb99, and divaprof. I know that if my friends don't accept me after the surgery that they weren't my friends to begin with. It is still hard to broach the subject with them. I am waiting until I get insurance approval to tell everyone except my immediate family, so I don't do it without a good reason.

[ximmia]

Welcome Jodi. It's a hard decision to make and at the end of the day it comes down to you and your health. It took me 10 years to actually make my decision but the time was right for me. I'm 41, 5'3 1/2 (that half inch is important!) and at my highest I was 376 pounds. I was falling apart. I can't believe it's been such a short of time for my life to change to dramatically.

There's no reason you should abandon your beliefs about anything - unless you think you're in some way selling out. If that's the case I would strongly caution you to consider this longer because that's when people have success difficulties, it's essentially self-sabotage. If anything my personal beliefs have become stronger and I've developed more as a person in the past few months than I have in the past 10 years - and I'm not one to sit still!

If you worry about what people might think there are two perfectly fine ways to look at that, and a million grey ones. You could choose not to tell anyone but your closest. People do that and it works right for them. You can also choose to tell everyone and let the people who want to be negative or whatever fall away. I did that and it worked for me. Sure, my family had concerns about my having the surgery, but they were the normal ones about major surgery. I have one teammate who is really catty now that I'm "smaller than her" (her words) and I ignore her until she comes to me to solve her work problem. I'm just fine with that.

Whatever we here can offer to help, just ask. This group of people is more than a forum - it's a community. As much love and support as I have, nothing replaces insight from people who have stood in my shoes.

Welcome.

[Leanng]

Great decision - be healthy and live longer. I was at a similar point in my life - total hip replacement or don't walk anymore. That was 15 months ago. I'm scheduled for my THR on May 7th. I've gone from being terrified of having the surgery (if I found someone that would do it at the weight I was at) to being so excited I can hardly wait for May 7th to get here. I've gotten my life back.

Best of luck to you - you are right, if your friends don't like the smaller healthier you then they weren't your friends.

[Jodi L]

Thanks Ximmia and LeannG and everyone who welcomed me. I don't know if I feel I am selling out or not. I guess I feel like I am betraying the cause to some extent. However, I also feel sure that this is something I need to do to increase my mobility. I was just out trying to coach my son in soccer, and kicking the ball was excruciating and I couldn't even attempt goalie, which is the position I used to play. I want to be able to do the things I used to enjoy before my arthritic knees and lack of stamina got in the way.

--jodi