We cannot allow the ideas of other determine our self worth. Sounds like you're making the right decision to move on. A person who makes you feel the way you describe is not one who needs to be around while on this trek. Just like you'll be shedding the pounds, make sure to shed those who don't make you awesome.
Frank, I know lots of songs...."Do ya Think I'm Sexy?".... "Let's Get it On"......"Super Freak"......"Ice Cream Man"...."Sexual Healing"...."Pearl Necklace"
Don't give up. I bet you are feeling great! You have lost almost 100 pounds...woohoooo. I'm sure she is lusting for you already. You need to awake that desire in her. Make it happen
What a popular posting seems everyone likes to talk about sex good or bad. Oh and just to note to Gloeygirl I could have stock in adam and eve lol. That still dont get me enough that I want. But then again I might just be a Horny dog too. hehehehehehehe
Buddy, I LOVE Adam & Eve! I think you are just a normal guy with normal raging hormones! I am having a hard time relating to the wives/gf's who don't want to have sex. I never said no to my husband. My BF last year commented that he couldn't keep up with me. For a long time, I thought everyone was like me. I am happy to see so many of the ladies on this thread ARE like me (yes, I'm talking to you Becca, Cindy, Alli....) Ladies, do you all have some advice for Buddy, Joshua & Frank??
Yes, ladies ... we need all the advice we can get!!! Let me fill you in on me ...
I'm a romatic guy, and very sensual. I love to give my wife little gifts for no reason, buy her lingere and flowers - just because. I think she is absolutely stunning ... and I pop a tent every time she walks out of the shower or I catch her half dressed. With that being said, she feels so icky about her body, that she doesn't FEEL sexy. She went to her PCP for bloodwork on Monday and talked to him about her libido. I'm 28, she's 44 ... so she thought the 'change' was a factor ... but it's been this way since she's started putting on a few lbs. The doctor is checking her thyroid and going to go over some things to help her ... I guess get horny more? I don't know. She tells me all it takes is a good breeze to harden me up, and it's different for her. I've tried longer foreplay sessions with sensual massage and not allowing myself to touch her erotic zones too early, kind if like starting a car up in the winter for a while before hopping in ... catch my drift? She feels like something is wrong with her ... we've tried watching porn and she's tried reading erotica, which usually helps. It's just different for me, I guess. I see one of her breasts for like 3 seconds, and I'm already at half mast ... it takes her a lot longer to ... ya know ... turn on the faucet, so to speak. There is never a day that passes that I don't tell her at least a dozen times that I think she is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, and she can't deny my 'physical reaction' to her body (booiiinnngggg).
I'm hoping her going forth and being sleeved will help her feel sexy again, and in turn ... help her want to be sexy in sex like situations. LOL.
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new sleeve, new life, new man, enough said!!! get rid of the duce bag!!! sorry! Why would you want him back after you worked so hard to make him happy, take care of you!!! I have been married for 28 yrs to an amazing man, doesn't matter how fat I am, he loves me, I even asked him how he felt about me having the surgery, loosing weight, and he said you don't need the surgery I love you just the way you are, your soul isn't going to change.Right? I said No.
What an aweseom post. Thank you everyone for your openess and honesty. I am 17 days post-op. My husband is in general a selfish pig who has over the years commented on sex being like 'trying to climb Mt Everest" or that "I am heavier than and NFL linebacker." That said our sex life a avereage at best. I lost 19 pounds the first week and he is all horny and wants to go. Problem is I am still sore and just not that ready to reward his poor behavior. I just got home from a 48 hour visit to the hospital becuase I was dehydrated and had horrible reflux. I lost another 13 pounds the second week so I dow over 30 pounds already. I got home (drove myself of course) and he was an ass becuase he is so tired from working a full-time physical job and having to take care of his own kids. My aunt came the first day and he had the kids (ages 3 and 6) all to himself dor about 26 hours and it nearly killed him. I told him I knew he needed to decompress, kissed him on the cheek and headed off to see my kids and he grabs me and wants sex again. I will be honest I am just not feeling it. Let him feel what it's like to be turned away for a while. I am still sore on my left side where things are healing inside and I will probably use that excuse for another week or two,
::Rips off collar in a fit of rage:: Pardon me, but who the fuck does he think he is? Are you kidding me? Listen, all of us have imperfections, and that's what makes us beautiful.My husband is in general a selfish pig who has over the years commented on sex being like 'trying to climb Mt Everest" or that "I am heavier than and NFL linebacker."
::Picks up collar off the floor, blows off dust and shoves it back around my neck - looks around for witnesses and makes the sign of the cross just incase:: Ahem, as I was saying, you are beautiful as you are. Absolutely beautiful. Curvy women are sexy ... don't ever let anyone tell you any different or make you feel anything less than stunning. If he thinks having sex with you is such a chore ... then maybe he should know how having sex with him may not be your idea of the best time ever ... and how you wish he looked like Vin Diesel with the package of a porn star .... just sayin.
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Jeannine - I'm sorry that you've had to listen to that. That is absolutely unacceptable - especially from a husband. I can't even imagine how that must make you feel, but I'm pretty damn sure that it doesn't make you feel anywhere near "amorous".
Josh - You are such a good guy!
I am 7 yrs older than my husband, when we met I told him that I felt sorry for him while we were married, cause I love sex! and like I said we have been together 30 yrs married 28 and it just gets better!!! I am very happy with him,I was married 10 yrs to my first husband, and he was an ass! a womenizer, never was happy, and still isn't! he has been married 4 times!! so for those of you that aren't happy in your relationship, don't give up, your new life is begining and you will find happiness!!!
Aww, Alli ... thanks. You're a sweetie.
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Well count me in on team horny... I'm almost always ready when hubby is and I can talk him into it in a minute when I want it.
When I was younger I used to say sex was like food - 3 times a day and snacks.. but oy, Menopause is miserable for sure. It changes things, a whole lot. A woman just doesn't feel like the same person in general. Which I imagine is why someone called it "The Change". Black cohosh has been my biggest helper on the playtime front but of course right now I am off of it because it is a phyto estrogen, and no such things are allowed before and just after surgery. So at the moment I sweat at night sometimes for the wrong reasons but things are still moving along as usual otherwise. If hubby is interested there is always a way, though I have already prepped him to understand the first couple weeks after surgery may be a dry spell.
Some things are just different during menopause. Where there was once a fountain of youth there is now a lamentable desert. Somewhere there is an oasis, but a lover needs to take some time crossing that desert or they are just going to get buried in sand and stuck far from paradise. Slow build up over the day is lovely. A kiss here, a hug there, a wink, a lear even. Helping with the kids/dog/cat/etc. Picking up after yourself........huge! If we are annoyed by something else it spills over more and more as we get older and marriages/relationships are longer lasting. I've only been with my guy for 10 yrs, married for 8 so we do pretty well still but if you've been married something like 25 yrs... well there's a lot of baggage, insecurity.. just so much going on that does NOT generally affect a man's desire level as it does a womans. Go slow.. we want a man with a slow hand... OH, and do not expect us to get going if you are spending more time with the Spike/History/(ehem) Porn channel than you are with us
My experiences only, your mileage may vary....
Oh, and one more thing. When my thyroid was out of whack, things were slow in the lovin' dept. So if your lady is looking tired and worn out, expressing your concern for her health is a good thing. It was hubby who pushed me to get to the doc for testing after a year of me being miserably tired all the time and gaining nearly 50 lbs. He's always wanted me, 100 lbs ago and now and never made me feel like anything but his lovely Lady. I feel very lucky we found each other in middle age and have such a great marriage. Now to get this weight off so I can blow his mind with some new outfits ;-)
Best NSV - fitting on a kid's amusement park ride with my 4 yr old grandson!
CFIDS =Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) Also dx with post-bariatric reactive hypoglycemia; and chronic gastritis (both sleeve complications). Permanently disabled.
Start weight 335, down to 218, up during gastritis. Have accepted there is no way to lose it with my hypoglycemia. Current weight 260. Currently doing 10 day sleeve reset and determined to get back down to my post surgical weight or close to it.
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