Husband says I'm TOO SKINNY

[Lemmy]

I'm about 15 months post op, I went from 232lbs to currently weighing 128lbs. My husband is always saying I'm too skinny. Lately he's lost interest in me or our intimacy. He says he loves me but also says he's not attracted to me. I'm heartbroken about this. I'm my husbands Grilfriend. I've always liked looking cute for him, wearing things I know he likes, taking care of my appearance, etc. He has complimented me and actually said I look cute a few times, yet he says I'm TOO SKINNY! 😭

[fayemc]

my ex of nine years also told me i looked digusting after i loss 50kg. it was heart wrenching. we broke up not long after that he is now married to an overweight woman who he met 3 months ago. feeling very sorry for her. on the bright side i now have a new man in my life who is absolutly wonderful

[evelynine]

the question is how to you feel about your weight

[zmdh39]

Oh honey, first off congratulations on your weight loss, that is an amazing accomplishment! Now, had you asked me this a few years ago I would havenever known this, but since I have lost my weight it has become a hard fact that I have had to live with. I never realized it, but thin women, although they look beautiful, and are fabulous in anything they wear, they can be difficult to be intimate with. Turns out skinny people just aren't comfy when it comes to getting close. I have the hardest time with my fiance (who had always been stick thin) snuggling like we used to. Now that I don't have a large quantity of blubber around my bones, they tend to clash with his bones when ever we try and get close. Maybe your husband liked you when your bones had a little meat to them. Or on another hand, there are just some men out there that like thick women. I don't have any advice on how to deal with your dilemma, but you are drop dead gorgeous from what I can see! For myself, I know that I have been the one to lag in the intimacy department because being close with my fiance is just not comfortable like it once was...bones hurt! So for me, I try and make up for it in other areas. Now that I am skinnier, I feel better about being seen in pictures, so I will surprise him with an impromptu sexy photo on occasion. Just remember that this is a process, not just on you, but especially on your spouse as well. The best thing to do is keep those lines of communication open.

[Julesmirage70]

yep that is a man NEVER HAPPY!! Girls just look good and feel good for yourself! Guess what they are just as replaceable as we are to them. You look absolutely beautiful!!! And guess what that is what bothers him. He now knows he can be replaced, other men look at you! OMG he is not the center of your attention anymore! OK i am done venting...lol

[paradoxgal]

Just a few thoughts here:
It sounds to me like maybe he has some underlying issues about security. Maybe he likes you with a little more weight on, but maybe it's more about him, and how he feels more secure in the relationship when you are not walking tall and confident...? Maybe. He may feel left behind in the relationship, and just doesn't know how to voice his needs for reassurance and the security of knowing that you are happy with him. He may not realize that it's not the pounds he is missing, but maybe a security of the relationship. I like what others have said about it being his problem, and you create goals for yourself, but you also need to be compassionate to others around you, especially if they have been patient with you and all your issues in your life in the past. Be patient with those around you to catch up to where you are mentally. Don't forget to talk to people and reassure them that you are still you, you haven't changed even though your body has, and that you are just a bit happier and more at peace with your body.

I've seen a lot of people struggle with friends, husbands, boyfriends, wives, siblings, and even parents going through weight loss and body image changes. It's important to communicate through changes, and ask for peoples support while offering reassurance that you are not a totally different person. Don't be offended if they express to you that they feel you are someone totally different. Self esteem can change a lot, and people don't realize that when you are struggling, it affects everything in your life - from going out, exploring, socializing, intimacy, shopping, eating, ETC.. You may feel as though you have a new lease on life, and someone that cares about you may feel as though they've been left behind in the dust.
Does that make sense? I think it's important for both sides to work on it. You can't expect people to know where you are at mentally and emotionally; Likewise, people can't expect you to stay in an unhealthy state. I believe communication is more important than ever when people go through a transformation!

[anncharlie]

wow... I find that sad but so many relationships do not survive WLS ... seems like this is a trend ...

[bikrchk]

You look AMAZING and don't let anyone tell you differently! So sorry you're going through that! This makes me grateful that I chose WLS between relationships! I've avoided dating for the last three years since my divorce, (not actively avoided, but since there was no parade of men through my living room and I wasn't getting out... Just wasn't comfortable in my own skin). Now I'm putting off putting myself out there until I level off because I don't want to have exactly the experience you've posted about. Don't get me wrong, If the opportunity presents its self, I probably won't turn it down, ;-) but I don't want to be on any dating sites while my body is changing so rapidly either. Seems....complicated.

[FARROUTLIPS]

Well i think paradoxgal had some wonderful advice !!! Reassure him that u still love him keep the communication open give it some time !!! Also evelynine asked how do u feel about ur weight and where u are at?????????? Ultimately i think that is most important !!! Dont let this go on to long maybe talk to someone if u have a counselor or therapist talk about it with him make him know that this is bothering u and that u want to make it work. If in fact u do..... Thats why talking with a professional may help u understand whats happening!!! Best wishes hugs!!!!

[Ann2]

What Evelynine said!

This is a complicated business -- our selves, bodies, psyches, sexual esteem, sexual attraction.

The odder thing to think is that it wouldn't be complicated.

Best wishes to you,

Ann

[miss_t]

I am single and have made a decision not to commit to anyone until I reach my goal. I know that I am going through HUGE changes physically and mentally as well. I do not want to drag someone along with me because what if we are compatible now but when I have completed my goals, we no longer mesh well together. My family and friends think I'm being ridiculous and hate that I am single. Reading this post and all of the comments have now made me feel better about my choice!

[bikrchk]

I don't think it's ridiculous at all. I have the same concerns. Need to to work on 'me' a bit before I attempt to work on an 'us'.

I am single and have made a decision not to commit to anyone until I reach my goal. I know that I am going through HUGE changes physically and mentally as well. I do not want to drag someone along with me because what if we are compatible now but when I have completed my goals, we no longer mesh well together. My family and friends think I'm being ridiculous and hate that I am single. Reading this post and all of the comments have now made me feel better about my choice!

[Kstrib]

((hugs)) Sorry you are dealing with this.
I wonder what it will be like for me and my hubby when I'm skinny - he's never seen me below 190 and I sure as heck intend to get thinner than 190!
Try different positions that don't hurt (boney) like being on top.
Maybe he feels like you're too delicate now?
I think you've gotten some good advice here. Dig into that and hopefully you'll find some answers. But, I do want to tell you that I have gone through periods of not being desirable to my hubby and also periods of not finding him desirable. A marriage can last and work through that. Most importantly, keep your spirits high because you do look wonderful and be sure and not rely on him to find happiness. The only true and lastly happiness comes from within.

[Think]

I think everyone has given you wonderful suggestions. I just wanted to step in and tell you that you look stunning and glad that you made YOU and your health a priority!

[SeasonsChange]

Ive often wondered about this. In my past relationship my ex would complain that I was heavy but when I would lose the weight he was nasty and mean. He was SO insecure and obviously didn't want me getting any attention. But he is LONG GONE! My now husband is doing the surgery with me as we both need to improve our health. I do think you guys should have a heart to heart. FInd out for sure what is really bothering him. Perhaps it is just some insecure feelings he is having and you could help him through them. I wish you the best of luck. Its has to be hard for you as well. Here you are working so hard to make yourself healthier and you getting this type of response from him. Hugs to you. Keep us all posted.