Need Your Ladies Help and Input Please.......

[itsallgood]

Hello Ladies,

Well, I have had the sleeve and so has my friend at work, she is a great lady.

But it's different for her as she had her surgery a year ago and is now a size 4 and was 18 when she started. So you can imagine the comments: "You are getting too thin!" "Do you feel ok?" "Are you sick?" "Don't LOSE Anymore WEIGHT!"

NObody gives a damn about you until you start to take care of yourself. It's fine if you weigh 400 pounds and are a walking heart attack but God forbid you lose weight and want to improve your Health! It's a freakin Crime!

People won't say anything to me because they would KNOW my response would be MORE than offensive to them!

I told MY friends before my surgery they had no alternative but to be supportive to me through the whole process as I would accept nothing less if they really loved me. And they have been amazing.

I am allergic to BS so therefor I DON'T Tolerate it.

But my sweet friend at work can't be me and she shouldn't be but the comments have started to help her make excuses to sabotage herself a bit, 1 pound but it's the point.

I had forgotten this but she reminded me today that one day I was with her when someone made one of THESE comments to her and I said, Paraphrasing, "I think she LOOKS Great and the remember the Golden rule, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!"

She said that lady has never said anything derogatory to her since. I said GOOD!

So, How can I help her, what can she say to them, I mean what I say works for me and when I am there to fend them off, but I need to help her defend herself and shut people down.

I explained they aren't TRYING to hurt her, they are just defensive because she is now in better shape and healthier than everyone else instead of the FAT person in the office. At least MOST aren't, but even her mom is threatened now. What kind of MOM would try to undermine their child?

Sorry, can you tell I feel strongly about my friend being hurt.

Any suggestions you ladies have I am open too and would appreciate it. She is a great lady and has worked so hard on her journey.

I just want to support her.

Thank YOU!

[Shirleybird]

I have one friend that is very rude to me for losing weight. I don't know what to say because it is so hard, but I feel you and your friends pain. Good Luck, Shirley

[itsallgood]

I have one friend that is very rude to me for losing weight. I don't know what to say because it is so hard, but I feel you and your friends pain. Good Luck, Shirley

Thanks Shirley!

[bgedang]

I literally knew a girl once that was skinny as a rail naturally. A long tall drink of water so to speak, and people used to ask her all the time, are you anorexic? And she was so polite that she would always just shyly say no, I am just skinny naturally. Then one day she was pushed over the edge, and when asked if she was anorexic, she responded very loudly "are you obese?". I almost fell over in shock at what she said and how she said it, but she had, had enough. It may take that for your friend to finally stand up for herself in such a way. And unfortunately until she does, there isn't much you can do. The only thing she really needs to focus on is what she thinks of her success, not what other people see it as. Far too often we allow what people say to us or about us to matter, and we can't do that if we are to live a fullfilling life meeting our own standards and not that of society.

[The_Redhead]

As strange as this may sound I think sometimes people make these comments meaning them to be compliments. My little sister is like this. She is really slim and has never had a fat day in her life. When I've lost weight in the past she makes a point of telling me how skinny I'm getting and will exclaim LOUDLY, "I CAN'T believe how MUCH weight you've lost". Of course this causes everyone to look and stare at me and survey me from tips of my toes to the top of my head. She then smiles like a Cheshire cat and I know she is attempting to compliment me and encourage me. When really, what she has done is mortify me. I asked not to do this anymore and she was genuinely hurt and told me she hadn't meant to embarrass me and that she was just proud of me.

[The_Redhead]

...people used to ask her all the time, are you anorexic? And she was so polite that she would always just shyly say no, I am just skinny naturally. Then one day she was pushed over the edge, and when asked if she was anorexic, she responded very loudly "are you obese?". .

I love this.

[orsola]

She will explode one day!! When she will have enough you watch as long as you are on her side and supporting her the rest are crap....for the mother shame on her !!! really....pffttttt.But you are her angel!

[azladyrider]

I loudly asked one "friend" of mine what her f'ng obsession was with my weight after about the 10th loud comment in public about my losses? Damn near told her that her husband had asked me for the name of the surgical place so he could get her to do it.

Someone here had a great reply to someone who told her she looked better fat and she said yeah and you look better when you aren't talking LOL

[ms2tweet]

I am so glad she has you for support . I was told by a customer I looked sick and he laughed when he asked if I had cancer, seriously. Then he told me I needed to eat a bucket of friend chicken , very loudly. I went from a tight 28 to a 8 and I am not done loosing. On the other hand my mom saw me changing clothes and said I hope you don't think you are done loosing weight, you still got a lot more to loose. UGH! I said nothing to either.

[itsallgood]

I literally knew a girl once that was skinny as a rail naturally. A long tall drink of water so to speak, and people used to ask her all the time, are you anorexic? And she was so polite that she would always just shyly say no, I am just skinny naturally. Then one day she was pushed over the edge, and when asked if she was anorexic, she responded very loudly "are you obese?". I almost fell over in shock at what she said and how she said it, but she had, had enough. It may take that for your friend to finally stand up for herself in such a way. And unfortunately until she does, there isn't much you can do. The only thing she really needs to focus on is what she thinks of her success, not what other people see it as. Far too often we allow what people say to us or about us to matter, and we can't do that if we are to live a fullfilling life meeting our own standards and not that of society.

You are so right, I love what the skinny lady said, I will have to remember that too. Anymore, I don't CARE if I hurt someone's feelings when it comes to that, if they don't care about mine, why the hell should I be a doormat and CARE About theirs. MOST are supportive and again, I fought this battle long ago because like you said and like my friend will have to learn, she will have to stand up for herself. Love your post, THANK YOU!

[itsallgood]

As strange as this may sound I think sometimes people make these comments meaning them to be compliments. My little sister is like this. She is really slim and has never had a fat day in her life. When I've lost weight in the past she makes a point of telling me how skinny I'm getting and will exclaim LOUDLY, "I CAN'T believe how MUCH weight you've lost". Of course this causes everyone to look and stare at me and survey me from tips of my toes to the top of my head. She then smiles like a Cheshire cat and I know she is attempting to compliment me and encourage me. When really, what she has done is mortify me. I asked not to do this anymore and she was genuinely hurt and told me she hadn't meant to embarrass me and that she was just proud of me.

I am glad you spoke up for yourself and explained how you felt, it's great she didn't mean anything but still good you shared how YOU felt too. I know she would want you to share that with you since she would never want to hurt you, so great that you clear the air. I do that with my sister too. Thank you for your post.

[itsallgood]

I love this.

Me too, I will have to share this with my friend.

[itsallgood]

She will explode one day!! When she will have enough you watch as long as you are on her side and supporting her the rest are crap....for the mother shame on her !!! really....pffttttt.But you are her angel!

You are too sweet, I get it now, I had to blow up too, and you are right, she will have too also. Thank you.

[itsallgood]

I loudly asked one "friend" of mine what her f'ng obsession was with my weight after about the 10th loud comment in public about my losses? Damn near told her that her husband had asked me for the name of the surgical place so he could get her to do it.

Someone here had a great reply to someone who told her she looked better fat and she said yeah and you look better when you aren't talking LOL

Thanks for the laugh, those are both GREAT! LOL

[itsallgood]

I am so glad she has you for support . I was told by a customer I looked sick and he laughed when he asked if I had cancer, seriously. Then he told me I needed to eat a bucket of friend chicken , very loudly. I went from a tight 28 to a 8 and I am not done loosing. On the other hand my mom saw me changing clothes and said I hope you don't think you are done loosing weight, you still got a lot more to loose. UGH! I said nothing to either.

Bless your heart. Well, it's nice we all have here to come too and I am going to share that with my friend duh! You look great and keep up your hard work. I am with you WE Are done losing when WE say so, and it's up to no one else in my opinion. Thank you!