Judgmental Co-workers

[Lily-G]

Thank you for writing this, I have told a couple of people that I would like to have the surgery but nothing specific and after reading this I think that I will keep this as hush-hush as possible until someone asks about how I have lost the weight.

[angelitastx]

Ok I totally agree with you. I had a family member talk about how much weight she lost while on this wonderful diet & exercising ( mind you I had a sleeve & no one else has) btw I've lost 30 lbs by now & I come from a very morbidly obese family. I simply commented if she thought she was doing good I was really trying. She them proceeded to inform me that I had something done to my stomach & she didn't. She deserved the praise not me. I simply added true but the surgery is a TOOL not an easy way out, plus I didn't want to weigh 300 lbs and thought I needed to do something before this. I was reprimanded & mistreated. Go figure.

[LtWeight]

Ok I totally agree with you. I had a family member talk about how much weight she lost while on this wonderful diet & exercising ( mind you I had a sleeve & no one else has) btw I've lost 30 lbs by now & I come from a very morbidly obese family. I simply commented if she thought she was doing good I was really trying. She them proceeded to inform me that I had something done to my stomach & she didn't. She deserved the praise not me. I simply added true but the surgery is a TOOL not an easy way out, plus I didn't want to weigh 300 lbs and thought I needed to do something before this. I was reprimanded & mistreated. Go figure.

It is amazing how people are convinced they know everything there is to know about WLS yet they have never even read a word about it or discussed it with a doctor. I told family too but if they felt like that they sure didn't say it to my face. I tried to ease their fears and they know I've struggled with maintaining weight loss for years. I think that's very insensitive of your relative but they may end up coming to you down the road for advice about WLS if things don't work out with the diet and exercise route. (Not to mention we have made dietary adjustments and get our exercise too!)

Good luck to you! Congratulations on your weight loss too!

[LtWeight]

Thank you for writing this, I have told a couple of people that I would like to have the surgery but nothing specific and after reading this I think that I will keep this as hush-hush as possible until someone asks about how I have lost the weight.

You know your co-workers better than anyone else and you know how much you feel like discussing your medical situation. For me, I didn't want to involve the negative types in my office so I just didn't tell them. Some people are surrounded by supportive co-workers and/or they want to tell everyone. I think it's all about your personal comfort level.

[Lily-G]

I believe that some people think that we are being weak and others are actually afraid for us and just don't know how tell us how they are feeling so we end up in a forum like this where there is understanding and other helpful ideas.

[Luann]

I told one friend I was going for this surgery, now I wish I had not. She is telling me I should not do it. I know part of it is sincere concern, but there is another side to it. She is super competitive, alpha female, and ever since she got thin she has sort of rubbed it in my face that now she is the skinny one. She immediately assumes any guy looking our way was checking her out, comments on how my face is round, etc etc. Part of it is genetic, and sadly much of it is my weight. I hate to think it but I strongly suspect she enjoys comparing herself to me and feeling like the attractive one, and wants to hang on to her s/w dumpy overweight friend.

[LtWeight]

I told one friend I was going for this surgery, now I wish I had not. She is telling me I should not do it. I know part of it is sincere concern, but there is another side to it. She is super competitive, alpha female, and ever since she got thin she has sort of rubbed it in my face that now she is the skinny one. She immediately assumes any guy looking our way was checking her out, comments on how my face is round, etc etc. Part of it is genetic, and sadly much of it is my weight. I hate to think it but I strongly suspect she enjoys comparing herself to me and feeling like the attractive one, and wants to hang on to her s/w dumpy overweight friend.

It does seem that way, doesn't it? Good luck to you and don't worry about her, she will either get on-board with your decision or you can choose whether you can tolerate her comments.

[CountryGirl72]

Awe Hold your chin up high! This is for u...

[Happagirl]

I did not tell anyone. Only my husband. I am so sorry for you to have to go though this with your co-workers. They just do not understand and are ignorant. I have been out to eat with friends and family to parties, etc. People have noticed the weight loss. Nobody has asked how I have lost weight. I am soooo glad I made the decision not to share.... except with all of you. Thx for being there/here. Our journey is hard enough.

[Cyndy-loo]

I do believe in divine intervention because just when you need something it is presented to you. The question becomes are you smart enough to see it. The post by Luann is very telling because in times like this we find out who are friends really are. The co-worker is what I call a user. Yes she was using you to make herself look better. She is not a friend you want around because no matter what you try to do by improving your life, she will find ways to cut you down. I would hazard an educated quess that she is a person with serious self esteem issues. The vast majority of suffering is optional. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, who are proud of any and all accomplishments you make. They are few of them but they are out there -something this blog has taught me.
I am so thankful to the woman who posted she was having trouble with both her self-image and her lack of weight loss. The responses were also incredible as they forced me to wake up. Since I booked the surgery I have been eating like a pig. I even spent one night in front of the TV eating a whole bag of chocolate. I had a false believe that the surgery is going to fix everything. In two weeks I gained 10 pounds. The responses of "the surgery is just one tool, you still have to pay attention to what you eat" really woke me up. I then realized how stupid i was - with every pound I gained before the surgery still has to come off and I am making it harder on myself.
Do we have a problem with food? Absolutely! The neurons in our brain that fire off the signal - Hey dummy stop eating you stomach is full, does not work as good as it should. Telling us to just stop eating and start exercising is like yelling at a child with dyslexia to start reading properly and stop being so frustrated. Am I saying we have a bit of brain damage? Yes, for whatever reason; could be genetic, environmental and or nurture. The fact is I can't act and eat like a thin person unless I have help.
The medical/Health profession is now on board as they are offering this surgery in Canada to anyone with a BMI of over 35. The only problem is the wait is long and if you want it done sooner they will make you pay dearly.
To all those people who would criticize us for doing the surgery I want to say; show some compassion, find out what is really going on before you criticize, and grow up. To those of us who will forge on no matter what thin people think of us - thank you, thank you, thank you! Remember at one time students with dyslexia were not labeled in a very positive way either. Now with support they have gone on to change the world view of just what they struggle with.
I finally feel like I am taking control of my life. That I own it and it does not own me.

[erinja]

I told one friend I was going for this surgery, now I wish I had not. She is telling me I should not do it. I know part of it is sincere concern, but there is another side to it. She is super competitive, alpha female, and ever since she got thin she has sort of rubbed it in my face that now she is the skinny one. She immediately assumes any guy looking our way was checking her out, comments on how my face is round, etc etc. Part of it is genetic, and sadly much of it is my weight. I hate to think it but I strongly suspect she enjoys comparing herself to me and feeling like the attractive one, and wants to hang on to her s/w dumpy overweight friend.

ohhh...this makes me mad! I will apologize in advance for saying this - dang it - HOW do I say this...Anyone who would elevate her sense of self at the expense of another - that's sad and mean.

It's a shame - because this is a big life event you're experiencing and the more support you have around you, the better, imo.

[Happagirl]

I totally agree with Lily-G. This sums it up.

[Ann2]

ohhh...this makes me mad! I will apologize in advance for saying this - dang it - HOW do I say this...Anyone who would elevate her sense of self at the expense of another - that's sad and mean.

It's a shame - because this is a big life event you're experiencing and the more support you have around you, the better, imo.

I think you say it like this: We are surrounded by some well-intentioned people who make the world better and are supportive of us and by some other folks, whom we might choose to call jerks, asses, creeps and even some other names.

I've told a few people who've all been supportive except one. And I don't plan to talk with her about it anymore. And if she volunteers a second negative opinion, I'll thank her for her input and then say I prefer that we talk about it anymore. These conversations here at Gastric Sleeve | All About the Gastric Sleeve Surgery have convinced me NOT to tell any more people about it at all. I don't want anyone else's input and I certainly don't need any negative vibes born in ignorance. I have had the input of my PCP and my husband, and I'm happy with their input. This is MY responsibility to research and MY decision to make.

[JustWantToBeHealthyAgain]

"It's my body and I alone choose what to put in it."

You can't get in trouble for saying that!

[Cyndy-loo]

I hear on the new yesterday about a steroid that is used to bulk up cows and help horses with asthma is now being used in Canada by people who want to loose weight as it"melts the fat away". There has been 8 deaths and numerous serious medical issues from using it that it made the headline news story. And people thing were stupid! Those people need to be watched way more than we are when we consume 1/2 a chocolate bar.
When someone makes a very judgmental comment -I will name it: "Wow that was a judgmental thing to say". It stops people short and gives them instant feedback about what they just said. In this world we are responsible for teaching people how to treat us. If you feel angry then say something, just remember to be very selective of the words you use. for example - "God your an idiot!" is not as good as Hey, judgmental comment. Give it a try - it feels wonderful!