What if husband's not supportive?

[slim_again]

I especially agree and love what Niamh said. I would go further to say that when he has his tantrums get out of there! Go far a walk, go for a car ride, don't respond or give him your energy & attention to those tantrums. Brilliantly said above: 'silence is golden'. If his behaviour is too much for you, seek counselling. You need to get support for you.
If you respond 'professionally' and refuse o get tangled in his negativity, he might just open his eyes and wish the same successful path for himself. The best way to change others for the better is to lead by example. Remember this if you're in pain after surgery, remember this when he has pizza, a bag of chips or a big juicy burger. Smile inwardly and realize that not only will you benefit but if you stick to it you might just influence him to want to look/feel that good too. Many couples end up both getting sleeved - never say never!!
In the mean time, reassure him that you're going to still cook him some of his fav meals, he can still have his pop and maybe ask him if he'll go to the same lengths to help you out ie. my oh gives me reassurance that I look great, shows me concern there is something at mealtime that I can eat too, gives me big bear hugs and measuring my smaller waist in his arms now and then. Be specific with him about what things you would appreciate,after you've fully reassured him you'll do everything you can to take care of him in a similar way that you do now, it opens the conversation for your needs to be met.

I eat completely differently than my oh, most of my gf's do too. have you always eaten similar to your oh? My oh loves pop, I love sparkly water but due to carbonation only have it now and then as a treat. I mostly drink water with lemon/lime juice, crystal light or tea. He eats a mass of potatoes and cheese/mayo sandwiches, I've always known bread, rice, potatos puts the pounds on me. I eat more like a caveman, meat & salad, he's got the added mashed potatoes or fries. I'm ok with it, I don't need those calories, I shouldn't be as big as him. How many years did I weigh more than him and he's 5 inches taller than I am? I hated it. I'm now more than 30 lbs lighter than him and his pants are wy too big for me. This is the way I've always wanted it. Figure out what you want lady and go for it. Keep us posted how you're doing, we're all here to support you!!

[dfreeman]

Vixrevision, I am sorry that you are going through this alone. The only advise I can give you is that maybe once he sees how great you are looking and doing on your new journey that he may want to join. Some mens will try and keep you your size because of insecurities. This is going to be more diffcult for you. Remember this only a test. If this is what you want and you beleive it will make you happy then sometimes in life you have to do whats best for you. No one can love you more than you can love yourself. Good Luck!!!!! I am praying for a more of a peacful journey for you.

[Harley Granny]

I don't have much to add to the great advise you've already gotten. It's just time to put you 1st.

At 1st my husband was not the most supportive...his idea of support was tracking everything I ate and grilling me on if I was snacking in between.

I had finally had enough and told him that the best support he could give me was to encourage me not accuse me. It's gotten better.

You take care of you right now and let him put on his big boy boxers and deal with it.

[applejacks]

I have been and am in a very similar (not exact but similar) situation as you. Let me tell you some of my story and how I handled it.....

In 2007 I had the LapBand surgery and with all of the different types of surgery they tell us that we can no longer have soda. I was addicted to Diet Coke prior to my surgery. I knew it would be hard, I lived with my boyfriend and my teenage daughter at the time I had the band and they both drank soda as well. So I didn't give up soda until the very last day. I actually had a soda the night before my surgery when I had dinner. But I knew it would be not good for my LapBand and pouch after surgery so I didn't quit until then. If I were you I'd enjoy it as much as you can until then (just my opinion).

2 weeks ago I had my LapBand removed and am now going through the process to being Sleeved. It's going to be a coupe of months but my boyfriend doesn't want me to do it. He said he'll support what ever decision I make but he'd rather me not.


As for the support and your husband not interested in changing his eating habits I would suggest 1 of 2 things:

If he's willing to make his own food I would allow him to do all of his own cooking for either just himself or him and the kids, while you prepare your own food or eat some of what he prepared if allowable on your new lifestyle.

or

You can do as my best friend does (who is sleeved) and cook for the whole family and she will either eat something a little different then them (but at the same dinner table with them) or she will just eat a smaller portion of what they are eating (depending on what it is). As for me when I ate something different I would go in my room and eat by myself but if you can handle being around the rest of your family and what their eating than I would do it.


In the long run it could start to hinder you with your cravings as your able to eat more food but in the beginning you won't be able to consume very much. I would cross that bridge when it comes. As you change he may hop on board as he sees the changes without you even saying anything to him.

Good luck and make sure to use the support people and friends that you make online or in person. Because that support not only gives you time to vent but it lifts you up and these people know what you are going through with your new sleeved lifestyle.

[vixrevision]

All of you have given me different ideas and I so much appreciate it. Looking back at my post, and all of your posts, I wanted to be clear that I don't have a problem with soda and such. I am not that addicted. Though it is difficult to stay away from. Wait, I sound like a soda-a-holic. lol. Yes, I have a problem with many foods and drinks which is why I am the size I am. But that wasn't the main issue I was pondering on. I think the issue really is the relationship we have and our goals. With this new life I am starting, I fear that we are headed in complete opposite directions. I know I can't force a healthier lifestyle on him. We have 20 month old twins that are always on the go. I want, NEED to be healthier for them for many reasons. One being that I simply want to be able to run around a playground and play with a ball. So I decided that I needed to be better and feel better and I am taking the steps to do that. Husband is not on board and willing to try as of yet. He complains of course about his extra weight and how much is back, hips, knees, etc hurt. And that's all, complains! There is no willingness to change. I envision myself alone at the playground running after the twins while he naps on the couch.

[MysticalMaybe]

He's addicted too... Alot of people don't know how serious food addition is. It is the same as being addicted to drugs. The cry baby wanting his bread and sodas is the addiction. I have grew up around all types of addictions and people addicted to them. Its all the same road. You can't make someone stop either, they have to do it on their own. Look at who he is before eating and then again after eating (Too different People?) In the pic he seems like a very loving husband

I think it will be hard for you but you have chosen this time to start living your life a healthier one, For you and your children. You can teach your children how to eat better and just make your husband what he wants. You have to learn to not go back to your bad habits and its not just him. There will be times when other people in your life want something really bad and you have to learn to control that temptaion. Dont ever think well if hes going to eat it then I am too.... no that's what people say right before they start the addiction again. Try it now. You make him what he wants and you eat your healthy meal.

I have a very stubborn man and even though he is not healthy now he will not try to become healthy with me. He tells me "well I'm going to die anyways" yeah very stubborn... He needs candy and chips and snacks 24/7 and all of this will be in my house BUT I have to control myself and so far I have. I'm done with this Addiction! I don't need to eat what he eats and I'm done trying to save his life. He has to do it on his own as I will be on my own.

Just do you.... Maybe he will follow later on (we can dream right???) LOL

[slim_again]

I like that you envision yourself out doing stuff with your twins. You are so lucky to have twins, kids at all! Please teach them through your own example how to eat properly, learn how to be healthy on your own and teach this life skill to them. There's nothing like being teased at school for being fat and nothing like hating yourself throughout life because of the way you look. This would be the biggest best gift you could give them.
I've been trying to have kids for more than 3 years and really got this surgery in part to try to help my fertility. Fat bogs down our hormones (hormones are fat soluable) and our fertility is hindered when we're over weight. My good friend at christmas time told me i might not respond to the Ivf drugs so this is the path I took in order to have children. So far no kids but I do feel so much better and would be in the best shape of my life to get pregnant so that's a huge bonus. I think you're amazing for wanting to be able to run & play with your twins, keep up the good work and don't let ANYbody hold you back!

[mgreen]

I hate to say that if he does, he will wake up one day and think what have I done? He could also fear the what happens if of the actual surgery on the table. Raising children is not easy and specially alone as a male. I still think you need to sit and talk and get your feelings out. This is very blunt but your personal relationship will change for you because you will feel good about it. I don't know of a man on this earth that does not like that, but he is going to leave himself behing with old habits, while you have new ones and feelings. Yall are young and he needs to get on board. You know men loose faster than us, so issue him a challenge!!!

[LisaI]

Mine is EXACTLY the same. He did not support me having the surgery...insisted I could lose on my own. He also LOADS the house with sodas, and enough candy to stock a 7-11. He goes to costco and buys cases of kitkats, hagendasz chocolate icecream bars, hershey bars, croisants, doughnuts, brownies, cakes, ....the list goes ON AND ON. My husband knows better...but he eats the worst crap...thousands of calories a day, and has no weight problem.

I just did not have the ability to control the addiction before surgery. But seriously....im ok now. yes, i have a kitkat from time to time...not often. but the rest of the stuff i keep control.

do this for YOURSELF. he won't change...but do your best, and after surgery it will get much much easier.

[lindmar]

The above folks had some great things to say & I just have a couple more...
1. I was into diet coke my entire life...REALLY into it. I stopped cold turkey the day I started the pre-diet & replaced it with Crystal Lite. There are some really great flavors. Also, I don't crave pop like I used to I think because now I drink so much more fluid than before. Thirst for carbonation might be a sign of dehydration.
2. Tell your hubby you love him, but (as others said) you can't change him. Maybe he will want to make changes as he sees you getting healthier & feeling better. I agree that counseling would really help.
3. I would just advise you to cook healthy & tell him he can add whatever he wants to his own meal. Or, this might be a shock, ask him to make his own meals for awhile, at least until you get yourself under control.
4. I got the sleeve because I was scared for my health & I'll bet you feel the same way. Can you explain that to him?

[KebfromCincy]

I really feel for you. This is hard enough without huge roadblocks thrown in front of you. I think the one suggestion about counseling is a good one but not because any of you are right or wrong. It is a good idea because food and pop or soda is an addiction for those of us who are obese. Counseling may be able to help you "break up" with food and also may be able to help you in other areas too. I have no clue what all is going on in your home, and it is none of my business. But whatever you do, do not allow yourself to be abused. I know you are in a vulnerable state preparing for surgery and gee, it would be nice to be supported. Find a support group. Ask the staff in your surgeon's office if he/she is local. Good luck!