2 days away from surgery... Tell my 9 yr old before or after?

[911dispatcher]

I'm just a few days away from surgery, and although most of my friends and family know about it, I have not told my 9 yr old. He's very much a momma's boy... afraid of the dark, any kind of bug... and of sitting in any one spot for long if he thinks he is by himself. In short, he's a bit of a baby, and I'm afraid he will freak out at the idea of his mom going in the hospital. My birthday was yesterday, and he wanted to bring me breakfast in bed so I had to explain that I was on a strict diet (I got a protein shake and jello for breakfast ) I'm just really torn about telling him details of the surgery because I know it will upset him. I've always taught my kids to be open and honest about everything, so I hate to not follow my own words! My 13 yr old has known since the beginning of the diet, so I feel like I need to tell my youngest too. Because IF something happens... I don't want him upset that I didn't tell him before hand. : Anyone else have trouble making this choice?

[the_owl77]

Hi Stacy,

I know it's a bit different, but my niece (of similar age) found out I was going into hospital and wanted to know why that was. I wanted to be honest, without freaking her out, so (with the agreement of her mum, who is my sister) we told her I was having a part of my tummy taken out that isn't working properly. She seemed to understand this, and I didn't have to go into any gory details which I was pleased about!

I don't have children myself, so it's not for me to say, but in my experience children are very perceptive, and it's better to tell them SOMETHING, whatever it is, because otherwise they will think the worst and panic even more than necessary.

Just my opinion, feel free to ignore :-)

Lucy x

[vegasneon]

I think Lucy's description is a good one for a child. You have to tell him something. My kids are grown but my little Granddaughters stay with us 3 to 4 days a week. They are 6 & 8 and I didn't want to tell them about the surgery at this age but I was able to do it without them even knowing.

[DJordan]

Id tell him. My daughter is 13 & she is so supportive! She even said when i have to quit coffee and soda, that she will do the same! She's expressed she's not thrilled about me having surgery but understands that I'm doing it to be healthier and live longer. You need to say something. ..fif he's a Mamas boy, he's going to know something is different/strange/weird. ... and how about hushing conversations when he walks in the room?? He might think you're talking about him. .. good luck! !
Btw.. I haven't told my 21y old son yet. .. I know he will be mad i am going to tell him when i have my actual surgery date. :-)

[bessie.marshall]

That's a tough one....my kids are older 13 and 18 so I told them, but my son was a lot like that I'm not sure what I would have done. Personal choice. Best wishes with your decision. Ill keep you and yours in my prayers.

[ChrissyT]

I work at night so I kept it hidden from my son until after the procedure, and then we told him that I was in the hospital because I was having tummy sickness and I would be home. I had to tell him something because of the fact that I am a walking zombie now post op. My son is 8, and still sleeps in my room, so I am in a similar boat. Good luck on your decision.

[Hopefuljourney]

I was worried about telling all of my children - 15,13 and 8. They were the last ones we told and it really was a "non-event". I told them that I wanted to get healthier - they live here, they know that I am always dieting. I said that my doctors suggested that I have a surgery and that will help me lose weight and become healthier. My 8 year old daughter is similar to your son - she cries when I have to go out of town and any time I am not home when she goes to bed. I know she will be upset when I am in the hospital but I felt it better that they all know what is going on. It gives them a chance to ask any questions they have at their level.

[Holly]

I always taught my children honesty also, they are all in their 20 's and follow suit as young adults they are fine christain young adults very proud of them, if we walk the talk they are held to the same standards as we are ,I would tell him the bare minimum of details (no gory details that he would not understand) but give him the chance to handle life decisions that come with this life to learn adjustments and how to learn to handle things that are not always pleasant for us.

[twnsn2000]

I don't know what to say to do. My twin girls are 12 and they have know what was going on with me since I decided to do it. They even know how they got my stomach out. They wanted to look at my scars since I've been home and have asked many questions. I guess just tell him whatever you feel comfortable letting him know.

[911dispatcher]

Thanks everyone, I am for sure going to talk to him tomorrow afternoon. He was supposed to be going to his grandmothers for a couple days, which means he wouldn't be able to come see me in the hospital. But I think I will give him the option to be able to stay with my mother, who plans to come to the hospital at some point. I guess my main concern about telling him was him having to worry and stress about it, but telling him the day before the surgery shouldn't be too bad. He's already facing weight problems himself, and has agreed to "get in shape" with me this summer, so I'm sure if nothing else he will just see how serious I am about our lifestyle change.

[ShannaBanana]

My kids know, and so does my granddaughter. My son is 10 and was excited that I'd be healthier and can do more with him. My daughter is 21 and totally understand. My granddaughter is 2 and knows that nana needed needed to get her tummy fixed and maybe won't have to take medicine anymore. I'm a diabetic. Its doing much better. And I'll be able to play with her more.

[kayvon]

As a practicing medical therapist it is my professional opinion that you are doing the best thing for you and your son by telling him the truth of your desire to be healthier and plans to make that happen. Allow him to ask questions and follow his lead. Children learn trust and respect when they know honesty and are treated like their being apart of the journey matters to you. Reassure your precious one that you will do your best to be home soon and you will only be a phone call away. You and yours will be in my thought and prayers. Best wishes for a healthy and successful journey!

[soleil]

My son is 6 and I told him that there was something broken inside me and I was going to the hospital so the doctor could fix it. He understood that. He's at an age where he tells everyone everything and I don't want the whole world to know that I had this surgery. Right now, he definitely knows that I can't eat because the other night he said to me, "I'm sorry that you can't eat right now, Mommy." I told him that soon enough I'd be able to eat again so he doesn't need to worry.

[marilynlw]

As a grandmother and mother I feel it is best to be as honest as possible with the kids. They are more able to understand the reasons and be prepared for how you will be feeling following the surgery than you may think. My grandson was 11 when his mother had her surgery and even though he was afraid for her to have the surgery he accepted it without much of a fuss. Just explain why you are doing it and how much better you will be after it is all over and you are recovered. I know that boys can be rather immature and big babies about most things but he will be OK. I know my grandson is still a clingy momma's boy most of the time and he is 15 now and we are still waiting for him to grow up. Maturity wise that is as he is now 6 feet tall and still is afraid of the dark LOL.

[911dispatcher]

We talked this afternoon, and he could care less! haha So much for me stressing about it. He wasn't even interested in coming to see me at the hospital, which was a bit of a surprise to me. But at least now I feel better knowing he knows, and never has to wonder why mom wasn't honest with him about something that was so important.