And lead us all into temptation and deliver us to... carbohydrates!

[WeaponofMassInstruction]

OK, so today I visited a lovely church in Queens to watch my Goddaughter receive her first Holy Communion. Now, the only time I find myself in church these days is for weddings and funerals as I am comfortable with my own understanding of the universe and how it works. Anyway, the priest came to the homily and went in a direction that my wife and I could never have anticipated, one that had us salivating and one that made me... HUNGRY. He began by asking the 3rd graders, all bedecked in their communion attire what their favorite bread was. "Rye," "White," "Wheat," "Italian" came pouring forth, and my belly, which had not had bread in over a month began a collective rumble. The priest said, "Some people like crackers and some people like pretzels. Oh, none of you hit upon my personal favorite. The bagel!" My stomach whimpered, remembering the soft inside and crunchy exterior of a New York bagel. He continued, "We need bread in our lives. We need it every day." Was this man sent from Hell? Some demon raised to tempt my already fragile resolve? The holy man went on,"And did you ever see those people on Atkins? They give up bread and they shrivel up. They lose all that weight and become so small." Well, DUH! That is the point, padre. "You see, children, that is because they need that bread to be nourished or they will be woozy. Jesus is like that bread. We need to take him into our bodies as you will for the first time today with the Eucharist and you will be filled with the spirit of Jesus, you will be nourished with the love of the Lord." And it all clicked into place for me right there, the reason I left the church... the reason I could no longer take this seriously... the dark truth hidden from me through 12 years of Catholic schooling, masses, catechism, Communion, confession, Confirmation. It was all so clear to me now. JESUS HAS CARBS!!!

[akbutt]

LOL Your crazy! That was pretty funny though and I had to read it aloud to my husband as we both got a good chuckle.

[WeaponofMassInstruction]

Hey, they were told they were eating the "body of Christ" and it WAS a wafer of bread. So there it is!!! No wonder His image appears on so many pieces of toast!

[britiajon]

ROFL! This explains so much of my chubby childhood lol

[WeaponofMassInstruction]

ROFL! This explains so much of my chubby childhood lol

That and, if it was similar to mine, the chocolate Easter eggs, the candy filled baskets at Easter, the Christmas candy canes and other treats. Catholics love their food.

[Its_Me]

Thanks for the giggle!

[MysticalMaybe]

LMAO!!! I am so gunna use Jesus Has Carbs! The next time someone asks me to go to church.

Thanks for making me laugh its been a hard day.

[christine53]

love it so funny thanks, needed that