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  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member heyjude's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    09/18/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr.Bill Rizk
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    01-23-2014 09:20 PM
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    Sioux City IA
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    Default husband not supportive

    When I told my husband I was considering this surgery he had a negative reaction. He basically implied that I was lazy and could do it on my own if I would just "get off the couch". I told him I was going to take the classes to learn more about the surgery. Since then he has never mentioned it again and I don't know how to bring it up again. I am quite certain after taking the classes that this is what I want to do. How do I talk to him about it again? Anyone else have an unsupportive spouse?



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  3. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member christinaja's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christina
    Surgery date
    04/29/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Hoehn
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    09-22-2013 07:52 PM
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    Kansas
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    Oh honey, I am so sorry.
    This surgery is a HUGE change, and sometimes that change can seem threatening to the people we love. They are afraid that a physical change in ourselves may mean a personality change as well. They've gotten used to us the way we are, and don't know what will happen afterwards. A lot still subscribe to the "They're fat, so they must not be working hard enough to lose weight" way of thinking.
    Although my husband has been really supportive, I have run into a few people that say, "If you try this thing, you'll lose weight" "Do juicing" "I read this article" etc. etc. etc. It's more about their comfort level and what they think is "the right way" to lose weight, and not so much about the end result: A healthier, happier you.

    If you are nervous about talking to your husband, perhaps a letter would be a good idea. It would give you the opportunity to write what you really want to say without being shut down, and you could explain, in detail, why you think this is a good fit for you. It will also give him an opportunity to think before he speaks.

    On a side note, only you know your marriage. I can only give an opinion. Best of luck to you!



    Starting Weight, 1/30/13: 317 pounds
    Day of Surgery, 4/29/13: 310 pounds

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  5. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member meshel2817's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/22/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. James Wooldridge
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Last Activity
    04-20-2015 10:52 PM
    Location
    New Orleans, LA
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    Invite him to a seminar that would explain in detail the process and outcome.



  6. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member Froo72's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    03/04/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Carlos Ferrari
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Last Activity
    07-05-2023 08:32 PM
    Location
    Southeast Texas
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    That's so... sad. His lack of support, his implications, his overall disrespect. I dont have an unsupportive spouse, but it sounds like you may be met with negativity no matter how you decide to go about it. Explain that you've researched it and this is what you want. You deserve your health and your hapiness and his support would really be beneficial to that quest, not to mention it would mean a lot to you. "In sickness and in health" right? And what's that old saying, "Happy wife, happy life".

    And if that doesn't work, you could ask Mr. Cast Iron Skillet to state your case for you. *wink*
    highest pre-surgery (2/2013) 419 lbs
    lowest post-surgery (4/2014) 245 lbs
    highest pst-surg regain (1/2020) 362 lbs


    "If you have a tire blow-out, do you get out of the car and slash the other three? No, you change the tire and keep going."




  7. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member needs2lose's Avatar
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    sorry to hear that. You need alot of suport no matter what diet plan, surgery, exercising or whatnot you do. I hope he comes around. Invite him to go with you to the seminar, classes, drs, etc. Good luck to you.

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  9. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member journeytogether13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Carla
    Surgery date
    05/03/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Almanza
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    04-26-2014 06:01 AM
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    OHIO
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    I hate to hear this. I don't know the answers for you. I haven't had to deal with that. I've been very lucky and have a husband who has supported me the whole time. I do feel for you, and .I pray you both May work through this, and make you stronger in the end. Give it to God, he will see you through this. Best wishes..



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  11. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member Michellelynn1236's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Michelle
    Surgery date
    09/17/2012
    Surgeon
    Dr. Castellanos
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    07-23-2013 09:40 PM
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    Philadelphia PA
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    Maybe he is worried and does not know how to express that? I have four sisters and one was very unsupportive basically saying that I was lazy, she thought though that kind of talk was motivating??
    I agree, maybe invite him to a seminar, tell him how you would like his support and need him to help with this very big decision? I hope whatever you say works and that he is more open to learning more about it with you!


  12. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member healthydebbie's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Debbie
    Surgery date
    10/24/2011
    Surgeon
    Dr. Paul Benn
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Last Activity
    03-14-2016 08:07 PM
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    Mayer, Mn
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    I bet this has nothing to do with him thinking you are too lazy to do it on your own. I would speculate that he feels scared and threatened by the unknown. The surgery aspect is very serious and has it's risks. You'll most likely be just fine, but that scares loved ones. Also, he may be feeling very insecure about how you'll change. Maybe you'll be more active, confident, and start new interests. Some spouses are scared that while you are going through all of these positive changes, that you'll no longer want them. I would suggest asking him what concerns he has about how this is going to affect him. Maybe he'll voice what his real reservations are.

    My relationship with my husband revolves around food and socializing. If your the same way, you'll also have to be committed to adapting to these situations to maintain your relationship or discuss as a couple how you might start new, fun activities together. Hopefully he'll at least come to understand why you want this, even if he has reservations.

    Good Luck!



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  14. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member christine53's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    03/15/2013
    Surgeon
    Alejandro Lopez
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    03-01-2015 10:24 PM
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    Nc-Sc
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    hate post like this, I want to beat him up, no not really but it sure makes me love mine even more, he supports me in everything I do in life, Good Luck!



  15. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member LBurtie's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    04/04/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Nirmal Jayaseelan
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Last Activity
    05-09-2016 10:54 PM
    Location
    DFW Texas
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    I can totally feel you on the unsupportive husband front. I've been there. The best advice I can give you is you have to make this decision your own. While it would be nice to have his support, don't depend on it. You strengthen yourself and find other positive people that will supping you. It doesn't replace your husband but it helps ease the pain. Mine said some really ugly things to me too. But now he is complimenting me on my dedication to the diet, commitment to being healthier and has even started dieting himself. Sometimes we have to be the trailblazers without any thought of their negativity. After all if its not worth fighting for its not worth having.



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  17. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member niamh's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    09/22/2012
    Surgeon
    Mr Chris Sutton
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    11-10-2015 06:02 PM
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    United Kingdom
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    There are lots of people who think we could do it if we just buckled down and got on with it. There is increasing evidence to show that long-term maintenance of weight loss in obese people only occurs in a small minority of people;

    "Almost all severely obese patients have been through numerous weight-loss programs over many years, without long-term efficacy.(2, 3) There are only rare cases of successful long-term weight loss beyond 5 years for severely obese patients. (4)"

    This is from page 4 of this document here; http://s3.amazonaws.com/publicASMBS/...quirements.pdf

    So while it may feel true that we 'should' be able to do it, the evidence says that once someone has got to being significantly overweight, the likelihood of them successfully losing weight and maintaining loss is miniscule. This was the primary reason that I chose to have surgery - I wasn't prepared to go through another cycle of significant weight loss followed by significant weight gain. I came to the conclusion that I either needed to adjust and get happy being fat, or have surgery. I had surgery. BEST. DECISION. EVER.



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  19. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member jjgonzalez30's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Jennifer
    Surgery date
    03/28/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Andrew Lee
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    Apr 2013
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    03-13-2014 04:29 PM
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    Livermore
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    I can totally understand you on the unsupportive husband part but you have to think about you and your health.. I had to make myself #1 and I'm still struggling with putting myself first..



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  21. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    07/24/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr streeter
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Last Activity
    03-31-2014 12:35 PM
    Location
    Plymouth mass
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    My husband is not supportive either. He thinks if I really "tried" I would be.able to do it.
    Eventually I told him he is not allowed an opinion on this unless he learns about it.
    Its so hard when they dont get it.



  22. #14
    Gastric Sleeve Member heyjude's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    09/18/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr.Bill Rizk
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Last Activity
    01-23-2014 09:20 PM
    Location
    Sioux City IA
    Posts
    78
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    Was Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 10 Times

    Default Re: husband not supportive

    Thank you all so much for kind and encouraging words. I am going to friend request all of you since I need all the support I can get!



  23. #15
    Gastric Sleeve Member Imborntoberich's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    05/29/2013
    Surgeon
    Dr. Almanza
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Last Activity
    06-24-2013 11:48 PM
    Posts
    8
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    Default Re: husband not supportive

    I had that same experience; he told me I didn’t know where I was going in my life because I was going to Mexico to have my surgery. He really hurt my feelings because what does one thing have to do with the other and I have always supported him in everything he did (Even if I didn’t agree with it.). I had already made up my mind to do it so I decided not involve him anymore. I’m doing this for me and my longevity. I have also had “the talk” from several of my relatives and my “friend”. Now when they try to talk to me about it I just let them know that we are done with this conversation and once I say that they know that means to shut up. I am so sick of letting others dictate what I do. Those days are over. I leave you with positive vibrations and this quote: “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” - Unknown.



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