Anyone else here with teenagers?

[accordingtome]

So, I have a 15 year old daughter about to be 16 and it's beginning to feel like I am in a battle for her. It seems like her boyfriend and his family is taking all of her time. The boyfriends Mom just thanked her for cleaning her boyfriends room. I am sorry, she has stuff to do here. The boyfriend is 18 and should be cleaning his own room. It's not just that, it's all of her time is over there. They hang out with his parent's, but not us. Argh! I am so sad.

[ToDream]

I have a 15 year old step son that lives with his mom and stepdad in another province. Hubby has a hard time since he's so far away and when he does come visit all he wants to do is hang out with his friends and play xbox. I feel so bad for hubby because it really hurts him that his son doesn't want to hang with him anymore. He's growing up.

[stringbean16]

I have three of them, all boys. My 18 year old had a girlfriend for 10 months and they spent all of their time together. They finally broke up, but it's a phase. Just make sure she's on birth control, just sayin'.

[Deevah]

I'm new here, but I am sort of on the opposite end of your issue. I have teenage girls as well, but, my oldest daughter's boyfriend is always at my house. While I love her boyfriend like he's my own child, I have told him that he needs to spend time at home because I believe that his father and step-mother were having the same feelings you are having. If you and your daughter have a relationship where you can talk to her, then try tallking to her and explaining how you feel. Or, you can demand that she stay home and spend more time around the house with her family. Or, try inviting the boyfriend over for some family time. I gave the demanding option because it is an option, but, when my mom tried it with me, it just caused me to rebel harder. Good luck with whatever option you choose.

[stream3]

I have a 15 yr old daughter...and also have 5 and 7 yr old sons. I'm just praying I will survive her!! lol It's not easy

[Lglow]

A couple of years ago when my son was 16 and my husband was deployed and we were in a far away country. I was very upset with my son because he was in his first relationship with a girl. I know he was getting kissed more than I was with a husband in Iraq . lol. Well anyway, I got with a family military counselor to discuss how I could cope with the feelings of "losing his loyalty" to me as a youngster and deal with the independence he was needing to grow into an individual. This was extremely helpful in determining boundries as well as respecting his right to grow independent. I had never done this before so I kinda had to learn a new skill set of relating to a 16 year old boy , He just seemed to change so much between 14-16. It just seemed no one really understood. I had heard all the negative stuff about teenagers but I wanted to understand him and I want him to call home after he leaves. Needless to say setting boundries but being supportive by inviting friends over and creating fun things to do together has worked wonders. He has a girlfriend that he met at another post we were at and we invited her to his graduation. She paid for her ticket and flew into his 18 graduation party. I saw his attention focus to her completely but through that week we created great memories with her and we were able to enjoy our son. He leaves for a college 1600 miles away on a Navy Rotc scholorship in August and I believe he will call home. ( because he wants to not just for money.lol) I guess seeking support through counselors helped me come up with boundries and strategies I could live with while resolving my grief of my little boy becoming a young adult. This last year I have been a single parent due to a deployment again but I have found supporting my son and talking openly about lifes issues and listening to his opinion helps me know what I can do as a parent to help him through the joys and sorrows of life. After all, they spend alot more time being older than being younger. Figuring out how to guide him with so little time left was overwhelming and frustrating. Time just flies by so fast. Thanks for letting me
share. I think this was more for me that you I feel unworthy to post my journey but I think seeking a counselor really help me through this phase of parenting to help guide me and not project my anger and fear of what could happen onto my child and to come up with solutions to parent him under trying times. Things that work for our friends and relatives may not work for our child. So that is why a sought a trained counselor to help.I was getting pretty frustrated at times. As always take what you like and delete what you don't. Thanks for posting.

[BusyGirl]

I can put some perspective on this from your daughter's angle (maybe). When I was 14, my boyfriend was 17. He had graduated from high school early, so he was a freshman in college, and I was a freshman in high school. Momma did not like that at all. We dated for a year and a half before it fizzled out (but he's been my best friend for the last 12 years!) I was so in love, or at least I thought I was, of course... but how "in love" can a 14/15 year old be?

My mom ran a tight ship. School was of utmost importance, and family time was pretty high up on her list, too. So this is how she handled me.... She let me know up front that if I wanted to take on such an intense grown-up relationship, like I kept telling her it was, then I would have to act like a grown-up. She sat me down and told me that being grown-up does not guarantee a party all the time and that it's full of responsibility. She told me as that as a grown-up, free time comes after one takes care of all the important things. So, the deal she made with me is that if I took care of all my responsibilities - school, housework, AND family time - a majority of the weekends would be mine (within reason and with a curfew, of course). She just dared me to let my grades drop.

And don't get me wrong, I was pissed at first, but she did put the ball in my court. She didn't "make" me do right, but she let me know that doing right would be rewarded. And I, of course, tried to rebel at first, but that got me no where. She stood her ground and did not play my games, and I'm from Louisiana... we're scared of our mommas down here! (I'm 5/10", she's 5'1". I tower over her, but she's still scary!) And at 27, I totally get what she did and why she did it, and I can really appreciate it.

So to recap, maybe try a compromise? I was at home Sunday-Thursday, but if I did what I was supposed to, Friday and Saturday were my oysters. If that doesn't work, you might have to play your parent card. She'll probably say that you're "unfair", "unreasonable", "selfish", "jealous", but who cares? You're her parent, not her buddy.

Good luck!

[tniagirl]

I have a 15 yr old daughter that is driving me crazy. I have no advice for you, just prayers for patience! We all made it through, and so will she.

[accordingtome]

Everyone, thank you so much for all of your kind words and suggestions! I am definitely absorbing your words and very grateful to have a place to voice the things that are bothering me, even if they aren't surgery related.

My daughter and I have a very good relationship and watching her grow up and develop her independence is very hard. I have guidelines for her to live by and as long as she follows them, she has a very easy life. The boyfriend is a nice boy, but it seems like every time we invite him over, he doesn't come hang out. He always wants to hang out at his house or with his friends. It's very frustrating!

I do appreciate your suggestions, thank you everyone for being there for me!

[gonnadoit]

teenagers are like the terrible 2s but 10 x's worse
but after the 2s, 3s, and 4s, and after the teen comes 20s and it will always be something but thank god for my kids not matter what a pain they are

[accordingtome]

I know, my whole world revolves around my daughter! I do not know what to do with myself now.