This is no movie....it's my life!

[Maia0628]

It's almost 4:00 am and I can't sleep. Found a movie on TV. There is a beautiful tiny woman walking hand in hand with an Adonis of a man. He is wearing loose pajama bottoms and she is wearing the shirt. Its obiviously too big but she looks cute. I know it sounds silly that I have paid so much detail to this 30 seconds of the movie. The root of my attention here is envy. That has never been me or my life. I have always been heavier than my mate. My husband adores me thick and thin literally and that is a blessing-- truth is I outweigh him probably alway have the whole 17 years I have been with him. I don't want the sleeve to turn into the magical tiny girl in the movies I just want to feel normal!!!
My relationship with food is greater than any other I have ever had. I am going to the start of my 6 month visit today at my surgeons office. I am terrified to go. During the holidays me and my best friend food became close too damn close. I have gained 5 pounds. I am terrified my insurance company will deny me for surgery. I was not given a number to lose but told not to gain.

Please my forum community pray with me and for me the next few weeks to get my act together. Thanks in advance. Like in the movies I desperately want my happy ending but I need to get out of my own way to achieve it!

[amazing]

I know what u see in that movie..thats me too. I will pray for u!

[anewvue]

Prayers going up! Hang in there.....tenacity, tenacity, tenacity!

[jknox65]

Prays and frankly 9 over the holidays is not bad...

[bessie.marshall]

I'm with you on this! I too started my 6mths of MD appointments and this is my worry also. We will stay strong and beat this.....I too (for the last 17 years) weighed more than my mate..... Stay strong you can do this....prayers to you.

[kity2498]

Hi! I am going on 5 weeks post op. I had the sleeve on Dec. 14th. I was the girl in the movie. I had been tiny most of my life. When my husband and I married , I wore his pajama top! But when I had children I blew up like a balloon. 25 years later , there I was ...I'd lose and gain and lose and gain until finally I was a mess . I was on 2 blood pressure meds, my knees hurt, yada , yada. When I first went through the appointments at my surgeon, I was turned down by my insurance company. They had said my comorbidities were not severe enough, and i was on the low end of weight. (202 & 5'2). A year later, the weight ( I believe) gave my blood pressure trouble again. I went on the stronger medication to control it. I called my surgeon's office and they reapplied for approval to the insurance company and was immediately approved. Now here I am. I have so far lost about 25 pounds, my knees have stopped hurting and I know I am going to be great. I won't say it wasn't hard at first. Like you, food was my best friend. I had such a strong relationship with it. The good news is the sleeve took away the majority of the cravings ( so far ) and you get the psychological push of seeing the inches coming off. I know you are scared, me too, but I really think it is going to be fine. prayers to you!!!

[musicmom]

My prayers are with you!! One day you are going to be so happy, when you see 'that girl' on tv and you don't feel that pang of envy anymore because you are happy and healthy and when you look in the mirror, you like the results you are seeing! (Even though, from talking with you on here, I think you are beautiful)! I will keep prayers going that you do not run into any snags with the insurance company.. Just remember.. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!! This year you are going to CONQUER and ACHIEVE!! Peace and God Bless!! Tami

[aboutime4me]

Maia, don't fret and fuss too much. This is what our whole journey to health and weight loss is about...what this operation is about and what our relationship with food is...a whole new way of looking and acting and being with everything around us. You will have your dream of being normal. I am in my 9th month post surgery and very close to a normal BMI since I was in high school in the 1970's. I've never been so close since then. I began my sleeve saga at 251.8 lbs and am now 166.2 lbs give or take a few ounces in between. My goal is 154. I've gone from a 40.67 BMI to a 26.2 I'm look for a 25 BMI...so close I can taste it (not literally).
I too have always been heavier than my husband. We've been together for 9 yrs now and even though I have yo yo dieted all that time, I've never been below him in weight until now. I loved the day I passed him. He hovers around 196-200 most of the time. I have taken secret delight in this and the fact that I will never be that weight I put on my last drivers license! Ha! You've got to keep your sense of humor about you at all times too.
This journey, this whole process can be emotional but your relationship with food will change also. I haven't had a day of real hunger since surgery. I am no longer controlled by food and thoughts of all things food! I had like a constant "food network" playing in my head most of my waking hours prior to surgery.
Relax and follow the process along this journey and keep a record of it too. Write down your thoughts and feelings, take your measurements and pictures of yourself along the way to chart your progress. This time next year you will not recognize yourself and it will be a whole new you staring back at you in the mirror.
Here's to 2013 and all the possibilities: better health, satisfaction with yourself, a different relationship with food and the world round you.

[BBARB]

you will make it. Awareness is the first step. BTW everyone, also the skinny girls, overeat during holidays. So breath becasue you will nail this down. no one, unless the ignorant crowd, said this was easy and it is not. No one, unless ignorant (and I mean not having knowledge) can say it is easy, just stop eating and you will lose weight. Obesity is a desease, and it is a cycle that is very hard to brake it. There are different reasons, features, realtionship with food, binging etc among the obesity population but one thing we have all in common, we are slave and cought in this cycle and we are not able to free ourselves. So this is what this surgery is about. to give us the key of the chain. So step backs are going to be all over the journey, but the move forwards are a must. So dont let this bring you down, many of us with sleeve has gained lb or stopped losing over the holiday. All my skinny friends are on adiet now. SO be strong sweetie
hug

[Its_Me]

YOU CAN DO THIS! Take it one day at at time.

[Msvetrn]

Maia! You almost made me cry. I was that girl in the movie at one time! Then...in my forties, developed bilateral adrenal tumors = overproduction of cortisol = WEIGHT GAIN!..The more I gained, the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got, the more I ate...viscous cycle. Finally, I had to take drastic measures-the Gastric Sleeve! Now, after the weight loss and cosmetic surgery...I have that girl's body again! BUT...now I'm old...nobody wants me! So, I'll probably never be in that scene, again! HA! Be happy you have your hubby no matter what! You will be wearing his shirt in no time!!

[jerzeygirl]

Oh, you're going to love this journey! You'll do fine, just work the program, breathe, and move your body. You're going to be amazed at how your life will be! Continued success

[illbdax]

good luck with everything, i too am anxiously waiting for my surgery, and to even think that the insurance company would deny me would be a hard hurdle to get through...as a pre op i wish you all the luck in the world and just know we all are here to help...

[Jenjen5159]

I am right there with you! My husband and I have always weighed about the same except he had a gut and I had a butt so I could never wear his pants but his shirts were big on me...but the last few years his shirts are becoming tighter and tighter and I'm encountering problem after problem. I just got the go ahead from my dr to submit to insurance so I'm hoping I hear something soon and I can start my weight loss journey!

[ignats639]

Maia - i understand what you are saying too - just remember why you are doing this and keep that front and foremost in your head! You will do great and, you have all of us to help you through it!! I am also anxious - waiting for insurance clearance so i can make my surgery date. Best of luck and keep on going!!!!