Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

[marilynlw]

Unfortunately some people are just socially inept. Thought comes in the mind and out the mouth without the social filter stopping ones that are hurtful or downright stupid. I have met a lot of people like that in my day and alway remind my daughter and grandson that if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I am a quiet person, (Except on here)

[WandaLeaner]

I have to wonder why it is that people seem to think that they can make disgusting comments like this and it be considered to be acceptable. You cant make comments about race or religion and have them not considered to be discrimination, but the likes of this closed minded woman thinking that she can made a comment like that and you not be hurt bugs me. But the good thing is that you will get smaller and show your inner beauty, but she will always be a knob..cant change stupid ladies, cant change stupid!

[ivygreenery]

Friend? I think she would become just an acquaintance after that comment!

[JennyD]

I can't tell you the countless comments I've gotten over the years, because I"ve lost weight on and off. My roommate from college was insanely jealous that she gained the fifty pounds I lost. So much she wanted to move out our dorm room second semester. I wasn't strong enough at the time and I started changing my eating habits to match her and her friends, before I would always eat in my room, this is when W.W. still had their prepared foods program like Jenny Craig, and they would go to the grill across the street. I didn't want all those fried foods, but started going with them anyways because I was afraid of loosing my best friend. Well needles to say we stayed together for the second simester but when I graduated we didn't talk again but I had gained back about 15lbs during that time...... On one of my diets my cousin and my sister both told me they liked my personality better when I was fat .

I feel I"m well seasoned at weight loss and this time around I will not let anyone affect me negatively like that again.

I hope you don't what she said get you down. Just keep going to support groups and venting on here. We got your back. :-) :-)

[amykarryn]

Thanks everyone for your comments. When you loathe yourself you would think it wouldnt make a difference when other people put you down. I am excited to be taking control of my life. January 7th is going to be my rebirth!

[hope4me]

I would cast a vote for "downright offensive". This type of thing is exactly why I don't tell people about the surgery or my weight. Truth be known, she is probably afraid that you are going to lose weight and get even more beautiful than you already are, and you will outshine her. I find that most of these types of comments are made out of jealousy and ignorance.
I agree with Niamh. You'll have to decide whether or not the friendship is worth overlooking that comment and moving on. You might even consider telling her how much that comment stung. I had someone tell me once that "If it feels like a punch to the gut, it was intended as a punch to the gut!" and I have found that to be pretty accurate.
I congratulate you for doing what you need to do to be healthy and improve your life. It is she who showed her @$$ here, not you.

I'm so in agreement with what you have said. I have had my share of hurtful things said to me. I guess that is why I spend so much time here. I have droped the 0.

[pack89]

OK, don't hate me. I agree that what she said was in very poor taste and should never have left her mouth. But...just maybe it came out the wrong way. I don't know the tone or the inflections of how it was said, so I can't judge.

Let me explain...Just like on this forum, if I get down about how things are going for me, I know that someone else may be having a harder time, making my own issues seem so minor in comparison. The saying goes, If everyone threw their problems into a pile and had to pick one back out, you'd pick out your own. Maybe that's what she meant, just said it all wrong. Personally, I would have called her on it and asked for her to explain. If that's NOT the way she meant it, if in fact she was just being a self-centered little B*tch, then by all means get rid of her.

I have a family member that has the "opens mouth, inserts foot" disease. NEVER thinks about how hurtful their comments can be. Unfortunately, I have to deal with them, but I do try to limit the amount of time spent with them.

I'm sorry that you had to hear a comment like that, but maybe it exposed her "friendship" for what is really is. It up to you to decide if it's worth working through or moving on.

[amykarryn]

Pack89, i don't hate anybody. I think my "friend" is in such a stage of her own self loathing that she lost her internal filter. I just wish it didn't have to be at my expense. :-)

[Cindola]

Apparently your friend forgot to put her filter on! Sometimes those that you think are supportive can say the most hurtful things because they just weren't thinking of how it might be received. I am so sorry that you had to experience this.

[bertys]

Wow. I think that was a bit insensitive and rude. This is not the time to have negativity around you but support. You are doing a great thing for yourself and your family, on your way to a healthier you. Don't let rude comments affect you and continue on your journey to becoming healthy. Congrats, keep your head up and don't lose sight of your goals.