Divorce/breakup

[Momto4sons]

The dr warned that divorce is common after the surgery .... I think my husband and I will e okay ... How many have had divorced or split up after the surgery??

[jammy]

Did he give a reason why divorce is common? I am curious to know the reasoning behind this.

[KennetteW]

My personal feeling is that it happens because the party losng weight, is feeling a bit better about themselves. The other partner starts to feel less needed. My husband is a chubby chaser. I recognize this, his fears are that I will lose weight and leave him. I reassure him that will not happen. I think it comes from and insecurity in the partner who is with the person losing weight. Some partners don't understand the need to feel better about oneself. They think it's because we are looking for something better.

[Its_Me]

I am already divorced but I can almost bet with certainty that if I were still married, we would be divorced after me having WLS. He had lots of insecurity issues prior to our divorce so I'm sure this would have been the demise, sad but true.

[Anissa Christine]

Although I am not married. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years . I think this surgery has improved our already great relationship. Initially he was a bit skeptical about me having the surgery (although he did share this info with me until AFTER I had the procedure done) because he was afraid I would "change" more than just physically. I assured him that my therapist told me I was not to make any drastic relationship changes until I was at least a year out (we joke about this now of course..lol). Another thing that helps is that my boyfriend is physically fit. So he eats healthy, works out regularly, and appreciates that now I do too. I think if you have relationship issues prior to surgery that post-op those problems are just exacerbated. I would recommend anyone having problems prior to surgery to seek help for those problems prior to undergoing the procedure. The sleeve is a tool, not a band-aid for any mental/relationship issues we may be dealing with.

[TonyaSitler]

I've been through this with my husband. He had gastric bypass almost 6 years ago and has lost over 200 lbs. he had never been thin before and this boosted his ego tremendously! Tons of women would flirt with him and would piss me off a lot. Thankfully I am very secure in my husbands love for me. I hope that as I get thin again, that he will be as secure in my love.

[Zorgdorg]

My partner is a chubby chaser and as much as I hate thinking about it, I feel that a breakup post surgery is coming. Just mentioning to him about the surgery and he started off on a tangent till he was blue in the face. I've come the the realisation that i'm doing it for me, for a better life. If he can't genuinely be happy about my decision then maybe it is best that we split up.

[tmclenn]

Another possible reason is a person who has been in an unhealthy relationship who begins to do work on themselves and realizes they don't need to be treated like that anymore. Some partners have serious control issues and cannot handle changes to a relationship, and weight loss surgery may trigger conflict, the person who is now feeling better about themselves may chose to leave. This was my situation but without the surgery, the surgery came much later- for me.

[wpage]

I totally agree with Anissa, I think that if this happens there were probably already problems there to begin with. Ultimately we all have to do what is best for us.

[magimae]

WLS makes you feel better about yourself. You won't tolerate your partner not treating you with respect, where before surgery you didn't feel like you deserved better treatment.
If you have a marriage/relationship that is not going to work, it seems to bring those problems to the surface, and if you have a good marriage (with a few problems which all marriages have) it will make the marriage/relationship stronger.
The most important thing to know is it will make you feel better, physically, emotionally, and your post surgical relationships will be healthier, whether they are new or old.

[EMR83]

I think it has to do with what you had in common prior and post surgery. For example, my husband and I used to plan our days around food and tv most of the time. I have been telling him that now that o get smaller I want to do what I couldn't before, take dancing classes, kickboxing, walks, vacations. I think that if he does not compromise to share those things with me we no longer have anything in common and our relationship can fail. It is already happening with some friends, it appears that now that I can't eat like before I don't get invited to some events because of it. Why? Cause we have nothing else on common than going out to eat. Just communicate with your partner and compromise with each other. You can make it work if that is really what you want and of course your partner cause it is a 2 way street. Good luck yall! I'm loving my 5 week progress out intimacy is getting better.

[Momto4sons]

thanks all for your input... i honestly think we will be okay.. i'm VERY INSECURE!!!! my husband in my opinion is very handsome and is super sexy & fit... after having 4 children & weight yo yoing --- its just gotten worst -- i love attention from him as i got bigger ummmm hasn't been really good... i'm ultimatently doing this for myself ...i've been thin my whole life -- even after kid 1 i was back down to 107lbs --- i yo yoed for years thru 3 more pregnanices & got up to 250 & 3 years ago i lost 100lbs -- was on top of the moon -- everything was awesome & bam gained it all back & things are just a lil shaky ... ahhhhh 8 days 8 days --- can't wait!!!!!

[Enfury8me]

My hubby is Super! He went thru this Journey with me and we are closer now than we have ever been. Not that we weren't close before. We are both just so made for each other. I know that something like this will never tear us apart!!

[marilynlw]

My 2 cents. I think some women have very low self esteem which causes them to gain extra weight or the extra weight causes low self esteem. With low self esteem we tend to think we can not or do not deserve better and get into or stay in abusive relationships and don't get the respect we deserve. Once the extra weight starts coming off we feel better about our self and want and demand some respect. When we don't get it we finally have the self respect to say GOODBYE to the abuse. Even though I can't understand why some women stay in abusive relationships some do. My mother was a prime example, she put up with my dad until the day he died. It was a shame she put up with him for over 40 years. It took him dying for her to be finally happy in life. My mother all ways told you marry for better or worse. When I got married I told the preacher to leave that out of the ceremony because I would never put up with the worse like my mother did and let any man abuse my children. Sorry I got on another one of my tangents.

[Cowgirl]

I dumped my boyfriend of 3 years because I felt like I could do better after losing so much weight. And, I AM doing better. Call it what you want, but he needed to be dumped anyways.