Revenge is a dish best served at sub-zero temperatures

[VeryLargeBob]

I hope I can write this post without coming across as a complete jackass.

I was divorced last year, and have been slowly putting my life back together. I'm active in church activities, and there is one woman there that basically runs all the church social functions. She's very attractive, single, and, well, I like her. Let's call her "Jan".

People at church knew I was getting sleeved, and support was overwhelmingly positive...until I overheard her at a church function telling someone that she was glad Bob was having the surgery, because quite frankly Bob was too fat to ****. Yes, she actually used that word.

Well, I've put up with a lot of good-natured...and not-so-good-natured comments about my gross tonnage over the years, and I've gotten very good at smiling and making jokes about my weight.

For some reason, though, that comment really hurt.

Nine weeks post-op, I attended a church social function last night. I had both new clothes and a new attitude. I felt good about myself. Jan was there and I cheerfully ignored her (basically said hi, chatted for 20 seconds, and moved on).

This morning at work, I get a call from an unfamiliar number. It's Jan. That's a first.

Jan just wanted to tell me how much she enjoyed seeing me, however briefly, last night. Gosh you sure look great now, Bob. We talked about a couple of mutual friends for two minutes and then she asked if I had any plans for this weekend, she was going to have a cookout at her place.

Had this been two months ago, I would have jumped at this opportunity in a heartbeat.

Instead, I told her I had previous plans, but I appreciate the offer, and hey, you have a nice day now, y'hear?

I have had the smuggest smile on my face ever since then.

Has anyone else experienced a 180-degree turnaround in someone's opinion when they see the "new you"?

[Stephy]

Wow...good for you, for not jumping at that chance...If someone's gonna like/love you...there gonna have to fat or not. And wow... she said "too fat to ****", & she's the church social director, well, I don't feel like such a truck driver now for my vocab!!! LMAO!

[Dyanne4293]

I've not experienced what you described. However, my best friend called me recently and stated, "I'm mad at you. You took the easy way out." She went on to say she has been exercising and eating protein shakes through Metabolic Research weight loss program. And "you just went and had surgery to lose weight." I snapped and explained the clear liquid diet pre and post op, and the pain, and the extreme diet I'm still on. I disagreed that I took the easy way out. I could not lose weight due to taking insulin 3-4 times a day (with a side effect of weight gain). I've now discontinued all diabetic meds since my blood sugar is staying between 120-130.
Wow. I feel like the person who was supposed to be my biggest supporter just slapped me in the face.

[drisner]

In my book, you didn't come off as a jackass at all, she did.

More power to you!

That said, while what she said before hurt, the fact that she said it probably indicated that she had feelings for you and was making excuses to herself.

[sassylassie]

She doesn't sound like a very nice or warm person. The whole reason for being on this journey is to change your life, change your outlook, and change our attitudes. We try and bury the negative in our lives and do what we can to not bring any back in. We need to surround ourselves with positive, warm, and loving people. If I were to hear a comment like that, coming from someone I liked, those feelings would definitely dissipate pretty quickly! Find someone that appreciates you no matter what!

[SECRETSLEEVE]

I don't think you got a good enough revenge, I think you should of taken her up on her offer spent the night with her then never speak to her again and show up to church with a much younger better looking women!

[drisner]

Now, now. While tempting, that wouldn't be fitting behavior for someone attending a church.

[SECRETSLEEVE]

It would be up to par with her comment.

[scgal21]

You took the high road and that's a great attitude. Shame on her for saying something like that...you WILL find someone who loves you for "you". You are going to be very successful with your weightloss journey and in the romance department.

[LMS]

So proud of you. Just for warning you are now a challenge so she will be coming on stronger and stronger! Women like a challenge and she will want it to be on her terms to say no not yours so have a little fun! PS One day I just know I will spot you out and about in the area.

[pack89]

You were much more pleasant that I would have been! Just wait until you reach your goal weight! You'll have her drooling all over you, and then you can politely remind her of her comment! LOL There's no reason to give someone the time of day now, when they were to good to give it to you 60# ago. It would be different if she would have said she was glad because of your health. I say, MOVE ON AND MOVE UP!!

[ddlovett]

I actually don't think you sound like a jackass!! I honestly think that you are a much better person than I would have been!! When she called I would have said you know, a few months back I would have loved to had this opportunity but when I overheard what you had to say about me being too fat to **** it changed my perception of you altogether, therefore I'm gonna have to decline!!! THEN I'd love to see her face every time she had to face me ESPECIALLY in church!!! Good for you and there's many more women out there that are well more suited for you than "JAN" Congrats on your success and GOOD FOR YOU!!

[kathleen34]

How fantastic was it that you overheard her comment when you did Had you not, you may have actually gone out with her and established some feelings and been hurt worse down the road by some jackass shallow comment made from her. Kuddos for taking the high road. Sucks to be her.

[bookwrmmom]

Ok no one else has said this & I sure hope I don't offend any of you, but it has got to be said. What a BITCH! Bob you were a true gentleman & were nicer to her than she deserved. It is appalling that she would have the nerve to say that, much less at a church function. Bravo to you for the way you handled that situation, I am not so sure I could have taken the high road! She is a hypocrite!

[dachsie]

Bob - kudos to you for the restraint you showed in dealing with her. I imagine the reason her comment hurt so much was because yo liked her so much. It's good that you found out what kind of person she really is now. If she does keep pursuing you, I would in no uncertain terms tell her that you heard what she said and that you really dont wish to associate with someone who could be so hurtful.