What is his surgery date?
To Woodberry:
Thank you for an eye opening post. I will reserve any opinion as I am a beginner to the process. Attention is a nice benefit, I also am military related and know the pitfalls of being stationed apart and the problem that can bring and that isn't even considering the WLS. I do have concerns where any children may be concerned and the effects on them. I chose to marry my wife, the kids had no say in the matter. Now I wish you the best possible outcome for all involved and I can only assume no real abuse is taking place in the marriage. If there is then you need more than this site to work it out in your own soul... Wishing You Very Good Luck on this journey..... Don
I haven't done anything with another man. My husband is a nice man. My point is really that I am changing so much that it's confusing for me and will be confusing for him, too. And you need to be aware of that before it's causing a rift in your marriage. As far as the future, I do worry about an affair on my part and so I want to go to therapy and figure out what, exactly, I am looking for in other men...because it would ruin everything I do have if that happened. No sex would be worth that.
Great thread, Heather, thanks.
Those of us who are pre-op or newly post-op especially need to listening to discussion about the emotions that come out as we become smaller. It's emotions that have got us to needing bariatric surgery in the first place. I think I am like most -- a bit scared and apprehensive about who I will be when I am no longer able to swallow down feelings and self-expression. I don't really want another adolescence. I did go through some of that in my thirties when I lost about 60lb on weight watchers. Anxiety about emotion and self-care were factors in re-gaining that weight I'm sure.
It's a long time til my surgery (I have to wait almost a year). So I hope that being part of the community here will help me do some of the emotional work and prepare for doing well when I am sleeved and slim. Thanks Heather, for your honesty and warmth and thanks to everyone who has contributed here to help me become wiser and feel well supported.
Sometimes it feels like the slimmer we get the closer we get to that little child or young person who needed to protect him or herself with fat.
Nel
Didn't mean to imply anyone had done anything with anyone Heather. Military life with multiple deployments and all the inherent problems with family and marriages that come with it and along comes life changing feelings can be a tough row to hoe. Wishing you the best of luck in all your endeavours.... Don
I blamed a lot of my weight on my emotions and lack of self-discipline etc. but you know, a lot of it is just plain hunger. I haven't been able to lose weight easily, but I don't carry that guilt...that feeling of failure. It's unbelievably empowering to be free of it. Since having the surgery, I really don't seem to need to eat to relax or to soothe my stomach etc. But I don't always eat because I'm hungry, either. It takes a lot of discipline for me to lose weight...but it's doable. That's so exciting! exhilirating. empowering! booyah!
I guess my point is this: stop blaming yourself for losing weight. The sooner you let it go, the better. Just give yourself credit for little successes (giving up dessert, not eating past 10, eating veggies with each meal, etc). Each one counts!
Thanks Heather. That's very reassuring. I guess I'll have to get there to really prove it to myself and look forward to that.
So do you think that major pressure that weight loss brings into our relationships is the changed energy we have when we get slimmer? It must also be the different way we are viewed in the world when we are "normal" sized. When obese we are generally viewed as non-sexual.
>>>they both got boyfriends and let their husband.
Let their husband, as in rented him to someone else? Or let the same husband watch? I know you have different sexual mores in the states, but... (g)
Seriously, you have been an ugly ducking for far too long and now you know you are a swan and you want credit for it. Why not? You've done the work. Now get the benefit. But there is a world of difference between someone flirting with you and actually doin' the business with them.
It's always difficult for any couple who are disunited by distance. Millitary families make a career out of it. Enjoy the attention you are getting from blokes now. Plan for a second honeymoon when hubby returns stateside from his foreign warring. Invest in a couple (nay, as many as you can afford) of Victoria's little secrets. And serve up all the benefits of your new life to hubby. For when he is not around, you might want to think about joining a (civillian) service group such as the freemasons or rotary. I know one lady on here volunteers at a library. These service organisations are also friendship organisations, which will allow you to broaden your social circle, and make up for those years when you were hiding y'self away.
I know how you are feeling to some degree. I just saw some of my pictures from 2007 after I lost nearly 60lbs and I look a younger, different, person. I mourn the loss of that person. I hope to get back to that situation eventually.
So do what you have always done to have a long, successful, marriage: plan what you want to do with your hubby, get him on board, show him the benefits, act on that plan, and look forward to a long, productive, and happy life together.
And keep us posted...
Much luck and happiness to you both.
Reason: extra point.
[QUOTE=UK Tim;115748]>>>they both got boyfriends and let their husband.
Let their husband, as in rented him to someone else? Or let the same husband watch? I know you have different sexual mores in the states, but... (g) [/end quote]
haha, Tim. I left off the "f". LEFT their husbands. Sianara. lol. Thanks for the advice. I've always had guys attracted to me (not like flocking to me or anything) but it's usually less tempting. Now it's like "HOW attracted to me are you?" I just need to stick with the regular plan. where I think "Ok. we have a connection...now we avoid each other." lol.
I've looked up things on affairs and I feel like that when you're seriously "in love" with someone that's not your spouse, it's like there's a part of them that fulfills you in a way your spouse hasn't. The bad part is, that once you go with the new person, they'll have gaps that your spouse filled in you. Better to stick with with your spouse (if there is mutual love and no abuse) and fix the weak spots together.
I thought a lot about this post and wanted to have some time before saying something.
First of all, this WLS is not changing us but is making us coming out. It is all good having more energy and wanted to do more things. Especially because the things we were doing before surgery were there for keeping us in a safe zone, or things we could physically do like scrap book, cooking etc. However after surgery we need to do different things at one point, many more than before.
i have not had surgery yet, I am not doing as much as I wish I could and it looks like I like being home more and more is what i
like but I know deep down it is not true. We all staid at home and ate a lot and made our life around food consciously or un-consciously. HOwever with the new us we have to have new routines and do all we can with our new energy.We need to make sure tho to have balance and moderation. We have to make sure to not get new addictions. In a book I read they were telling that some WLS patients get to do more and more fitness. like running. It is all good of course but they said not if it is the only thing keeping you active or mantaining your weight off and therefore your life in order. You can have an injury and then you do not have anymore what keeps you on the good track. So what I am trying to say in my broken English that yes you have to do more active things, yes people around you ahve to get to know your true self but make sure you do too know yourself. Attention from the other sex will always make us feeling good, especially if not had so much in the past. However is not your new look but your new confidence that is striking. So try to enjoy your new true self with the people close to you and make sure they are able to know you better.
Have a great journey
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