Jealousy from family

[momoftwoboys]

I havent even had the surgery yet and I am getting comments from my sister. We are 8 yrs apart, she is younger and has always been the thin sister. I have always been referred to as the pretty sister. Now dont get me wrong my sister is pretty, I dont want anyone to think I dont think she is, it is just the way it has always been. She tells me the other day that she hopes I dont change to much, change into a person she wont like. Then she goes on to say I really hope you dont start acting like a whore. Hello I have been married for 18 yrs and have been with my husband since I was 15 and I am 38 now. I have never been nor do I have any intentions of becoming a whore. I really thing she is jealous and doesnt want me to become thinner than her. Has anyone else had comments from family? I just dont know how to respond to her. We are really close and talk at least once a day if not more. I dont want to lose what we have but I also told her it was my life and I was going to do what was best for me...

[Sunflower]

Wow. That's messed up! I wouldn't talk to your sister about yiur surgery anymore if I were you. Too much negativity when you're vulnerable.

[momoftwoboys]

When she said something about me acting like a whore and dressing like one, I asked her if she had some clothes I could borrow lol. I did tell her I didnt want to discuss the surgery with her anymore unless she was going to be supportive and left it at that. I have support from my husband, my other sister, parents, inlaws and everyone I work with. I told her I didnt need to talk to her about it. I just wish she would be supportive, but I cant change the way she is I guess...

[Fluffy]

I have one friend who actually said she's not sure how she feels about me losing weight and that she thinks she'll be jealous. I love to dance but just couldn't dance as much as my friends. I'm very tired of being the one who watches the purses. Most people in my life are over the moon happy for me but a few are not, I hope they come around.

[sweet pea]

Sounds like you're handling it well - you've said what you need to and maybe your sister just needs some time to get used to the idea and decide whether she wants to be supportive or not. Dramatic changes like this CAN really upset the dynamics of a family, especially if people are used to being seen in a certain light (i.e. as the 'thin' or 'pretty' sister), and it takes time for people to adjust. I hope your sister comes round because your surgery has the potential to bring the two of you even closer together if she can support you to become healthier and happier.

[Lynda]

wow, your handling this very well indeed. My sister is 12 yrs younger than me, and lives four door up the road. She has made some comments (not the whore stuff) but thinks that the surgery is the easy way out. Hmm not so, she has also been thinner than me, and I think prettier. I am hoping, know, that I will be able to lose more weight and maybe even eventually weigh less than her. I know that she is jealous, fearful of change.
I have also a close friend who makes derogative comments, so now I dont talk to her about the surgery. She raises the issue occasionally, but I say oh thinking about things, guess she will see the difference when I lose weight. Part of her fear is that she thinks she will lose me, ie that I will become ill, die or be incapacitated. People do and say things out of fear and ignorance. I wish you all the best for your journey.

[poppy]

wow this shows that most people do not understand wls because they think it's easy way out but they do forget health issues etc. I hope it works well with your sister.

[Santy]

I think you are handling your sister well and by not bringing up the subject with her you are avoiding any confrontations. The subject is bound to come up again though and perhaps you need to stress that the health implications are the real issue and that you want her support you in the op because it will lead to a much healthier, longer life as well as a final boast to your confidence. with the rest of your family supporting you so well I am sure you will do really well. Good luck and remember we are all here for you.

[Mellissa]

My best friend has said something along the lines of, "you can't get skinnier than me... that would just be weird." She is not thin by any means and plans to diet along with me. But I overlook that one comment that she made, as she also says positive things about how she can't wait till we can shop together and can't wait to see what I look like. The negative comments are kind of hard to take. There are a lot of people that I haven't told about my surgery because I'm afraid of them saying something like that.

[Grace]

I don't have a sister, but would literally have given years off my life to have had one...it's one of the saddest things in my life that I got stuck with 2 awful brothers and had no sister.
That being said - since you are both grown up ladies now, it's time to get with her for a drink/dinner and decide neither of you is going to let anyone peg you as the pretty/thin/anything 'one' anymore. That is a bad thing in families. You are sisters. In your lifetimes together, your bodies and personalities for that matter are going to change, shift, grow, flourish. But your spirits will not essentially change, though they may suffer pain and grow as well. Of all the people I can imagine, there should not be two people less likely to measure each other up by body size or looks.
If you have to put it into words with her, tell her you are going to be the same person, moving through life more easily and the only change will be the size of your body, not your heart or feelings for her. Because it sounds to me a bit like her "whore" statement is more like her not being able to explain that she is worried you will change so much you won't have anything in common with her anymore.
It's hard on some family members when we change the status quo, especially in a short period of time. I have a family member or two who are a bit uncomfortable with the fact that I am wearing more form fitting clothes. I just hug them and tell them it's ok, they'll get used to it

[TEACHn96]

Everyone I have told has been very supportive, but my best friend started dieting as soon as I told her about it, because she has always been just a little smaller than me, and I know in her eyes that can't change. She has never said anything, but I know her well enough to know those are her feelings. I look at it as encouragement for both of us!

[prisilla]

yes, had the same thing, minus the whore stuff.

[N2DVN]

My sister is 8 years older. It sounds like something she would say. Not being mean, just being a sister. She once told me that I went from "caring too much about what people think to not caring enough." Some sisters have a weird bond, over protective of other sister but also to blunt when it comes to talking to them. (Trust me, she has said somethings to me that she would have never said to another human being but they weren't meant to be hurtful or mean, just protective. weird, I know.)

I think she is just worried about you turning into someone that you aren't just b/c you lose weight. It does happen but you are the one that can ensure that it doesn't. Don't let this ruin your relationship w/her. Sisters are a special bond and no one can take what you have away but the 2 of you. Good Luck!

My sister and I have barely discussed the surgery. My parents are the ones that told her about it, back in November. We have only discussed it once and that was a week after the surgery. (we don't talk daily b/c she works crazy swing shifts.)

[sairving32]

OMG!! That sounds like something my sister or my mom would say...That is one reason I have not told anyone in my family about the surgery. At Christmas, we were at my parents and my mom asked my hubby if I was planning on the surgery still. He said yes and she stated "I hope she changes her mind because she has a sit down job and she won't make it." Thanks mom! All she does is gripe at me about losing weight. Don't let your sister get you down. You know what you want and just go for it!!

[momoftwoboys]

I don't think she mentioned the "whore" thing to be mean, we are blunt with each other. It just kinda caught me off guard I was expecting. Her to be more supportive I guess.