Low Sex Drive???

Ok... So I'm a little embarrassed to ask, but has anyone's sex drive changed for the worse after surgery? The threads I've read on this site all say that it's improved for them since surgery, but not for me. It's complete opposite and I'm afraid it might lead to my husband leaving. I feel so much better about myself since surgery (I'm 80 pounds lighter!), but cringe when my husband touches me. It almost seems like sex is a chore that I never want to do. He brought it to my attention last night and it made me feel so bad. He's hurting and he feels like I've changed since having surgery. he says he wants his pre-surgery wife back, that I was much more affectionate. I see his point, but don't know how to change the way I feel. I just have no desire anymore. Any advise from people that have crossed this hurdle after surgery? I'm about a year and a half out. I have energy, so it's not like I'm too tired or anything, I just don't want to do it.

This is a hard thing to go through. I have been like this for years and I just barely had surgery. You might talk to the doctor and see if it has somehow affected some hormone levels. Communication has always been the key for my husband and me. As long and he knows you are concerned about it as well, then he knows it isn't him.

Hi Jen, So first question is how old are you if you don't mind me asking. There may be more to the story than just the weight loss. I am 1 year and 8 months out and my very last period was the day before surgery, oh and I'm 51 years old. For a looonngggg time I had "0" interest in sex whatsoever. Now combine menepause with a 70lb. weight loss and for our Husbands it's a recipe for disaster. Lately though all of the sudden it's been back to the old me and as my Husband would say finally. Your Husband does need to be patient with you at the very least until you figure it out and if you are going through the change it's most definitely that and not the surgery. If you are younger and not going through the change then I would talk to your OBGYN and maybe have your levels checked etc.. I know it's frustrating especially for our spouse but if he truly does love you and I'm sure he does he needs to ride out the storm with you. Men just don't get it sometimes because with them if the wind blows their ready to go but women are usually different. Good Luck with everything and hopefully you will get your mojo back, I never thought I would lol.

If you haven't done so recently, Get some bloodwork done....CBC, metabolic panel, vitamin D, B12, folate, and iron/ferritin. Also get your hormone levels checked.....thyroid, estrogen, progesterone AND testosterone (insist on this one). Low testosterone in women is VERY under diagnosed and could definitely explain your low libido.

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Originally Posted by zoey101

Hi Jen, So first question is how old are you if you don't mind me asking. There may be more to the story than just the weight loss. I am 1 year and 8 months out and my very last period was the day before surgery, oh and I'm 51 years old. For a looonngggg time I had "0" interest in sex whatsoever. Now combine menepause with a 70lb. weight loss and for our Husbands it's a recipe for disaster. Lately though all of the sudden it's been back to the old me and as my Husband would say finally. Your Husband does need to be patient with you at the very least until you figure it out and if you are going through the change it's most definitely that and not the surgery. If you are younger and not going through the change then I would talk to your OBGYN and maybe have your levels checked etc.. I know it's frustrating especially for our spouse but if he truly does love you and I'm sure he does he needs to ride out the storm with you. Men just don't get it sometimes because with them if the wind blows their ready to go but women are usually different. Good Luck with everything and hopefully you will get your mojo back, I never thought I would lol.

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Zoey101, I'm 35. I think I'm still a few years away from the change, I think I'll have my levels checked again.

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Originally Posted by Kindle

If you haven't done so recently, Get some bloodwork done....CBC, metabolic panel, vitamin D, B12, folate, and iron/ferritin. Also get your hormone levels checked.....thyroid, estrogen, progesterone AND testosterone (insist on this one). Low testosterone in women is VERY under diagnosed and could definitely explain your low libido.

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Hi Kindle! Thanks for the reply... I had my bloodwork done at 6 months after surgery and everything was normal, except for me being a little low in iron. I think I'll have my hormones checked, I don't think they did that. I'm actually very embarrassed to even bring this up to my doc, but my marriage is a little more important, so I'll bite the bullet and talk to him about it.

Just wondering are a little self conscious about how your body looks with-out clothes?

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Originally Posted by bangieb

Just wondering are a little self conscious about how your body looks with-out clothes?

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Hi Angie! No, I'm not self conscious about how I look without clothes. I actually think I look pretty great compared to what I did before LOL! Didn't matter my weight, my husband has always made me feel like I look like a million bucks. That's why it makes me sad and frustrated that I feel the way I do. You had your surgery before me, I was in June 2015... Did you have this same issue and if so, has it gone away? I'm asking because I've been reading several sites today about weight loss and a bunch have said that women carry hormones in their fat cells. So as we lose weight, we lose those cells too, which take time to build back up after surgery. One of the sites said that you just need to give it time to build up your normal hormones again, but some of the people that commented said it's been years and they never get that drive back.

You can treat everything with humor - including your exploits in bed. Hundreds of scientific studies have shown that vigorous sex two to three times a week helps a person prevent the development of chronic diseases and relieve stress and just feel happy. So here is definitely nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you like. It is sad, rather, the opposite - when this desire begins to gradually fade away.

It is difficult to treat everything with humo

It's not easy when your sex drive takes a hit after surgery. I went through a similar thing myself. It's like your body's changed, and so has your mindset, right? It's a tough spot to be in, especially when your partner notices. But hey, communication is key here. Let your husband know how you're feeling, and maybe you two can figure out ways to reconnect. And hey, it's okay to take things slow and find what works for you both.