I Need To Be Accountable For My Thoughts

I just found this forum, not sure why I never saw it, and I'm hoping to reach out to fellow sleevers who have a past (or present) struggle with an eating disorder.

I have a long way to go in my weight loss journey, but I'm almost reaching my 100lb weight loss mark. This week will mark the end of my 4 th month in this journey and up til now my mental and emotional ED thoughts have been in control. I addressed these issues prior to surgery knowing I needed a mental strength before surgery. But we all know the eating disorder brain may be out on the back burner, but it never leaves.

I had the thought today as I worked out hard at the gym surrounded by these thin athletic women "I could easily get away with starving myself." It actually shocked me that this thought crossed my mind. Why did I think this? Maybe because I had a low loss this week? Maybe hormones? Whatever the reason, I need to be accountable for that thought. I could easily starve myself. I'm home all day with my kids and not responsible to anyone food wise but myself. My husband wouldn't give it a second thought if I pushed my food around on the plate taking a nibble or two. That tends to happen anyways.

These thoughts will come and go throughout my weight loss journey, and for the rest of my life. It's up to me at how I react and what I do or don't do.

How do you handle these ED thoughts? How do you control the thoughts from becoming actions?

As you said, it's up to us how we react to these thoughts. I had an eating disorder as a teen, and I know how you feel. I have had the same type of thoughts - "If you eat too much just take laxatives." "You shouldn't have eaten that, go throw up."
Sometimes the thoughts are very consuming. As a bulimic/anorexic in my teens I felt that there was another person in my head constantly berating me and suggesting these things. As I am now, being sleeved for 2 months, I find that "person" comes sometimes and tries to convince me to purge myself.

I have to use logic and remind myself that I really haven't eaten much at all, and that my stomach is full, yes, but only with 2 tbsp of food. I remind myself that throwing up could rip open my staples and damage my sleeve. I remind myself that taking strong laxatives could also damage my delicate new stomach and cause long term problems. Logic has always won so far.

Sometimes I get on the scale, and when the numbers haven't gone down enough, the thought comes "just take Epsom salts and get everything out so you weigh less" This one is the hardest for me to resist. I have to just distract myself and remind myself that the weight is still coming off, and patience is a virtue!