Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
The only one that can change the end result is you. You have had great results so far, and you can continue to lose or maintain your weight, if you get some help with the eating issues. I can tell you are frustrated from your post, and I completely understand that. We didn't get to the point of having the sleeve by not having eating issues. You have not gained the weight back as of now, so now is the time to deal with your issues. Try Overeaters Anonymous or try a support group, those are some low costs options. You can go to a nutritionist. There are ways to stop yourself from returning to your previous weight, but you have to be pro-active in doing something about it.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
I had asked my doctor the very same question you are facing right now, he told me that in order to make this sleeve a success I will have to make a lifestyle change, he was very specific that the "tool" works best for 9 to 18 months window, after that the body adjusts back, and it is during this window that we should try and lose the most weight possible and make a lifestyle overhaul, and he was also very specific, that if by chance that we find ourselves slipping back, we should go back to the 2 week liquid diet, then soft foods and then solids.... It should kick start the process again. I also have been told to keep my caloric intake below 800 closer to 600 and to have a protein rich, low carb diet... I know it is early days for me still, but like you, I paid out of pocket as well, and I do not want to be a failure. I can see how frustrated you are, but hang in there you have identified why you are gaining back. Please take steps to halt the weight gain, and go back and try the liquid diet again, I am sure your sleeve will start working for you again! Don't give up!
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Sounds to me like you are bound and determined to sabotage yourself. If that is what you want then carry on. You are doing a fine job. After all, you can always blame yourself for paying 14,000 for surgery and then not addressing the underlying issues. Your choice. How on earth do you think you became obese? Probably same answer as me. Overeating. My question is "Why"? You obviously know the difference of what you should be eating and "When" you should be eating it. . You could just as easily make different choices for food. Is it easy to take all that food to bed at night, eat it, then say I knew it? No it is not. Sounds to me like you CHOOSE to be in the 10%. You are angry that you were not educated, well that choice too is in your hands. You can start right now. Your post shows that you know proper eating habits you just Choose not to incorporate them. Jenn is right on the money with Overeaters Anonymous. I copied the last sentence of you post below. It is not too late to change that.
So, I know full well that this will end up being a waste of money and time, and that makes me very sad.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
I just got sleeved this week so I can't offer you advice from the other side, but you definitely sound like you need help. Get in therapy ASAP. Join overeaters annoymous or weight watchers or something like that. You have the power to turn this around. It is not to late. This all or nothing attitude has to go.
You already came so far. Hold yourself accountable. Stop with the beer and snacking, start an exercise program, and you will move forward with your life! Also you sound a bit carb addicted. Why don't you try a wheat free diet? Snack foods totally don't have any nutrition in them anyways- try to replace them with nutrient rich actually satisfying whole foods.
the psychologist I met with told me I needed to eat a bite of food, then put my fork down. do you do that? I have been working on slowing down my eating prior to getting the sleeve, and it totally helps. Try to be as mindful as possible. Which is why you need to do a lifestyle change and give up the beer. with drinking it is too easy to mindlessly eat. Reserve the beers for special occasion. After a couple weeks you won't miss it-replace with some other way of rewarding yourself!!
Best of luck to you and I truly hope you can move forward from here. It is not to late. You recongnize you still have issues, now is the time to get help.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Your post mirrored some of my concerns. I am pre surgery and you have made me decide to get into counseling as part of my prep. So not there yet but I see myself in you. That could be me.... So, I just want to say to you.. YOU HAVE LOST 61 lbs. You are not a failure. You can turn this around NOW. Go get some counseling, some serious help for the issues you outlined. It sounds as if you are scared the "old you ". Is about to take over. But there is no old you- just old bad habits. You are far from failing.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Dixiegirl
Your post mirrored some of my concerns. I am pre surgery and you have made me decide to get into counseling as part of my prep. So not there yet but I see myself in you. That could be me.... So, I just want to say to you.. YOU HAVE LOST 61 lbs. You are not a failure. You can turn this around NOW. Go get some counseling, some serious help for the issues you outlined. It sounds as if you are scared the "old you ". Is about to take over. But there is no old you- just old bad habits. You are far from failing.
Counseling is a very wise decision. I started mine 6 months prior to my surgery and it is on going. It has helped me through my emotional eating, late night eating... etc. We all have the power to do what we know is right. No one is expecting us to be perfect every single day, but when we aren't we are the only one that can turn it around.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
"So, I know full well that this will end up being a waste of money and time, and that makes me very sad. "
Self Fullfilling Prophecy...if you think it enough, it will happen.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
You recognize the issue. So what are you going to do about it? Continue toeat crap & feel sorry for wasting so much money? You could chose to actively participate in your investment. Go to a support group, find a therapist, see a nutritionist... The choice is yours to make!
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
This site is just so wonderful. I need to make a point of visiting every morning, just to get a start on my day. Some of you give me a kick in the pants, some empathize and some offer advice and encouragement. It's ALL accepted and so appreciated by me so much. Thank you. I read each and every response and I am so thankful that you all reached out. I have no one else to really talk to about this stuff. My husband is very, very supportive and will listen, but he doesn't understand the eating part. I guess I just really thought having a smaller stomach meant I would never be overweight again. I honestly did not grasp that the surgery was just a tool to lose weight and like WW or any other diet, you can gain it all back. If I had known what I know now, I would have not put our family in 14k debt. Yikes. As far as my eating issues - I DO need freaking help. I had tried seeing a counselor who specialized in eating disorders and the first thing she told me to do was the get "Intuitive Eating." That kinda pissed me off. Okay, it really pissed me off. Why would I need a book when I'm hiring you to help me? I stopped after two appointments. There wasn't a "click" between us anyway. Also, that was when I had health insurance. I've not had health insurance since November, so counseling is out of the question, although because of my mental illnesses, I really should be going on a regular basis. I should also be seeing a psychiatrist, but oh well. I've never not had health insurance so I'm still not sure of where to go or how to go about finding help with my arthritis, mental health issues or physicals, etc. My husband is working on that...I guess. He just tells me to go to the doctor, but he what he doesn't realize and what I cannot get through to him, is that we do not have the money for me to go see a doctor and be counseled, or go get my mammogram, or be seen because I think I have a sinus infection. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, I'm just yacking. I do know what the problems are - I'm anxious, depressed all the time, pissed off about this surgery, scared about not having health insurance and therefore not being able to be seen for existing and preventative care. I could go on and on, but sitting here I do realize that at the very least, I need to continue telling people to NOT think that this surgery is the cure for their overeating issues. It's so, so not. I need to also somehow find the mental strength and self-love to find a free counseling group for eating disorders. I will try to update. In the meantime, thank you to everyone who commented on my post. You all are so lovely. Take care.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
You sound better today Terri!
Apply for state sponsered insurance. You should be able to find the criteria for your state on-line. You can probably apply on-line also!
Call your local hospital & inquire aboutfinancial help with a mammogram. Susan B Koman Foundation helps with this also. Be pro-active & reach out!
Find an Overeaters Anonymous group & reach out for support.
Use this site for help too.
Happy Mother's Day!
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Okay so here's another challenge (not quite a kick in the pants I hope). You keep saying you're regretting the surgery because it didn't solve all your problems but please stop minimising the huge help it has given you and can keep giving you if you will work WITH it instead of just assuming it hasn't worked.
You weigh much less than you did before the surgery, even the night-time binge you describe is small bananas compared to the amount of food I used to shovel into me at times. You are leaps and bounds ahead of where you would have been if you hadn't had the surgery, and overcoming the battle in front of you will be SO MUCH EASIER with the help of the sleeve, than if you didn't have it.
Your job now is to recognise the benefits you've gained by having the surgery, and to learn better about how to work with it. If you committed to a high protein, low carb approach to eating now, and cut out drinking before and after eating for just a week - I bet you'd find that all of a sudden it gets so much easier all over again. You do have a smaller stomach, you do have less hunger hormone than you used to, and so you have huge advantages that you'd never have had without the surgery. Get yourself onto the right path, and notice how much more easily it comes to you than when you'd done diets in the past.
So forget about assessing whether or not the surgery was a success, look forward, and start making the small changes you need to to get back on track. Also, be compassionate toward yourself about the fact that you're continuing to have struggles, but don't use that as an excuse not to take responsibility for making further change. Be firm but loving toward yourself - you didn't mean or choose to have these ongoing difficulties and of course it's terribly disappointing, but you can choose to take responsibility for changing things moving forward.
Please keep coming back and talk to us frequently - we've got your back!
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Go online and search for free healthcare in virginia. I live in a small community (Michigan) and there are all kinds of free health care available, and not just for people on "welfare". Only you can change what you consume and why you consume. Stress causes many people to eat (as a comfort). If it's cravings, what are you actually craving that the crackers are satisfying? Crunch-try baby carrots, salt-try a whole wheat Triscuit with sea salt or 5 mini-pretzels and use the same cheeses if that's what you're craving (the cramy texture). Laughing cow light swiss is a new favorite of mine. Mascarpone cheese is very similar to cream cheese, has a lighter flavor and 1/2 the fat. Did you ever read that book that was recommended to you? Perhaps that psychologist saw you as a strong person who was capable of helping herself, and felt you would do just fine after reading it. Some sites I found for you after a quick 5 minute search:
EWL Clients
Find a Free Clinic : Virginia Association of Free Clinics
Tidewater Overeaters Anonymous
Free Clinics Williamsburg VA | Free Health Clinics Williamsburg VA | Williamsburg Free Clinics
Best wishes to you!
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Go get counsleing, I haven been going for a year, it works. I have to say quit beating yourself up. Love yourself for your accomplishments. You are no longer large. Try to love yourself now, the way you are, or when you do reach your goal, it still wont be enough, beacuse the problem is not in the numbers. Give yourself a break. Good luck.
Re: Sabotaging Myself Still
Terbear1967......I am almost two years out and suffering from the same things you are. Our insurance went down the toilet when the pres changed things up. This forum has helped me as far as counseling goes so we can use each other for support. I gained about ten pounds at Christmas and I'm still struggling to take it off. I did the same things you did...ate stuff I knew was bad etc. we have eating disorders!!! The surgery fixed our tummies but did nothing with our minds. It all goes back to the simple truth....we have to put less in and move more. I'm preaching to myself and I need the same sermon every day. At my job, folks eat all day long...if I didn't work part time, I would need a wheel barrow to get out of the place. I get angry just like you do, I wanted this surgery to be a magic bullet and blow a hole right through my bad eating habits! Scares the crap out of me to know that I can screw this up for myself by not facing the eating disorder. But I am determined that I am not going to let that happen! But, I need your help and the help of every person on this forum....lets just decide, you and the rest of us...that nobody will be left behind! I get depressed, I eat crap, and then I feel sorry for myself. I need the kick in the pants, the encouragement and the prayers. I even asked Mediahound about a support group for folks two years out and more, but it would be too hard to keep up with. If its any encouragement at all to you, I stopped losing but have not gained more than ten pounds back. The surgery will not fail you. You would throw up if you put too much in your tummy. Lets just help each other....we can complain, support, and pray for each other. But I won't give up on you, and you mustn't give up on yourself!